The Ones They Take For Granted
by Pareathe
Summary: Goku and Videl, under-appreciated and undesired by their spouses, turn to each other for comfort. Now they are involved in a very complicated love affair, and it's only a matter of time before a purely physical relationship becomes much more. Now the question is, how long can they continue like this? And whose hearts will be broken when it's over? *Repost, circa 2000*
1. Chapter 1

Special thanks to BluEydMnstr for beta-ing (long long long ago.)

Pairing: Goku and Videl

Warnings: Lemon, infidelity, angst, violence and other DBZ-ish stuff from way back when. I'll explain later.

Disclaimer: To use my words of old: Roses are red, violets are blue, these characters aren't mine so please don't sue.

**Chapter One: **

**On My Doorstep, Again**

Why do I do this to myself? It's not like my stare is going to tear him away from that God-damned laptop any faster.

Maybe if I sigh a little louder?

Nothing. Damn you, Gohan, can't you even look at me?

Of course not. He never looks at me anymore. He's too busy - with work, with school, with Pan - with everything and everyone. Well, everyone except me. And why should he pay attention to me? I'm only his wife, after all... Damn, it's already midnight. It's too late to do this to myself right now. I give up. I'm going to sleep.

Finally! His eyes have finally managed to leave his lap and look at me. Maybe... I hear the soft knock at the door. Figures.

"I'll get it," I offer in response to his silent plea. I can't sense energy levels like my husband, but I don't need to this time. I already know who it is. We rarely have company that isn't family, and there's only one who's ever come after nine P.M.

Looks like Chichi's on the warpath again.

His attention's already back to whatever he was working on before the interruption. One of these days I'm going to have to get someone to teach me how to throw a ki blast. Maybe that would get his attention.

I slip on my robe and slippers before standing up stiffly. Damn, I'm getting old. Maybe that's why Gohan doesn't want me anymore. Oh well, I better not leave Goku waiting on the doorstep. God knows he's probably been through enough today as it is.

I make my way carefully down the stairs until I'm at the door. Through the small window I see the shadow of spikes jutting every which way. I open the door, and I can't help the smile that forms on my lips. He hasn't changed since the first time I met him almost fifteen years ago. Damned Saiyajins. The man is over fifty years old, and there is not one wrinkle or gray hair or less than perfectly toned spot on his body. I swear, if he wasn't my father-in-law, I'd hate his guts for being so God-damned flawless.

He spins around and flashes me the goofy grin that seems to be permanently plastered to his face, and I wonder, not for the first time, if that expression is genuine or more of a habit.

"Hey Videl. Sorry... I know it's late..."

"Come on in," I interrupt as I move to the side so he can enter. "We were still up."

He walks in tentatively, which I find quite amusing. I mean, he's the strongest being in the known universe, and he's afraid of walking into his own son's house. Of course, I know how much he hates doing this. I still remember the first time Gohan brought his father over after one of their arguments. Correction: one of _her_ arguments. I've seen a few in my time, after all, and they've always been one-sided. It's sad really. Chichi flies off the handle about whatever bothers her that day, and Goku just sits there and takes it. Or he apologizes a lot. Considering the time, I can guess what this fight was about. It wouldn't be the first time she's sent him away from her bed by throwing him out of the house. It's enough to make me want to choke the menopausal wench. She just doesn't know how lucky she is.

Maybe that's why Gohan has no interest in sex. Perhaps it's genetic; he gets it from his mother. That would be my luck.

Goku used to stay in the woods when Chichi would kick him out. Of course, when Gohan found out, he insisted his father stay here instead. It doesn't bother me any. I know Goku can take care of himself, but he's family. He shouldn't have to camp out in the forest. I wonder if Gohan would have been so generous if he had known at the time just how often Goku would end up staying over. Hell, he lives here just as much as he does the house next door these days.

I lead him to the kitchen instead of the guestroom like I normally do. He usually ends up here anyway, and this way I don't have to worry about him fumbling through the cabinets after everyone's asleep. Besides, it's detrimental to the health of my appliances to ask him to fend for himself and cook. I thank God for my foresight when I hear a soft rumble behind me. I turn and he gives me an apologetic smile as his hand rubs his stomach. It makes him look so young and innocent despite everything he's endured in his life. It's actually quite adorable.

He sits down at the table and waits patiently as I heat up a pan of lasagna left over from dinner. As an afterthought, I pull out what I need to make garlic bread. Why not? It's not like I have anything else to do. Gohan probably hasn't even noticed that I'm gone.

I can feel his eyes on my back as I spread a layer of butter over a thick slice of homemade bread carefully before sprinkling it with garlic powder and a touch of salt.

"Are you okay, Videl?"

Why would he be asking me if I'm okay? I'm not the one who's homeless for the night. Then I feel a small droplet of water fall to my hand and I stop short. I didn't even realize I had started crying until he said something. Now I feel the slight shaking of my body and the tightness in my throat. "I'm fine, Goku-san." Oh, that was convincing... maybe it didn't sound quite as bad to him as it did to me.

"Why are you crying? Did I interrupt something?"

Shit, I guess not. "No, you didn't interrupt anything," I tell him honestly. Now for the lie. "I think I'm just tired." Damn it, not only was that a lame excuse, but it'll make him feel bad, too. Boy, I'm on a roll tonight.

"Oh." I hear the chair slide back and then there's a warm hand on my shoulder. Strange, through my robe I can feel the strength he possesses even as he gives me a gentle squeeze. "Well, if you ever want to talk about it, I'll be happy to listen."

Sometimes it's easy to forget that while Son Goku may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, he can read auras and therefore his intuition is second to none. He knows I was lying, but should I talk to him about this? I've never really spoken at length with my husband's father at all. Why not? I need to talk to someone.

"It's hard to explain," I admit softly. "I've been feeling..." Okay, maybe this isn't such a good idea.

"Lonely?"

Wow, I'm impressed. I wasn't even sure how to describe it until he said it out loud. I nod almost imperceptibly.

He's still standing behind me, but he takes his hand from my shoulder and backs up enough for me to turn around. I don't think I'm ready to look him in the eye just yet, though. Unlike him, I'm not used to talking openly about private matters. He hasn't said anything yet, and I begin to wonder if perhaps he's changed his mind as well.

"Why?" he inquires.

Sure, the question is simple enough, and yet I have no reply. Perhaps it's because I am slightly uncomfortable talking about this with Gohan's father, or maybe it's because it's just plain embarrassing to admit that your husband doesn't have any interest in you outside of cooking and cleaning. Goku wouldn't know anything about that. His wife looks old enough to be his mother, and he still desires her. Then it hits me. Sure, he wants her, but I can't remember the last time she let him touch her. At least not that I know of. I know he tries, but considering that he's here now instead of in bed with Chichi, maybe he understands better than I give him credit for.

I continue making the garlic bread as I consider my words. To my surprise, he moves to stand beside me and mimics my actions while he waits for me to continue. Screw it, I've already opened the can of worms, might as well let 'em squirm.

"I don't think Gohan finds me... attractive anymore." There, that wasn't so bad. I hear Goku choke. He even drops the knife he was holding. It's not the reaction I was anticipating. Maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt after all. "Sorry, Goku-san..."

"No," he stops me with a wave, "I'm okay. I just wasn't expecting that."

Obviously not. "I shouldn't have said anything," I say quickly. I have my pride, and I'd like to keep it as intact as possible, so I busy myself by putting the bread onto a pan and sliding it into the toaster oven.

"No, really... I just..." he stammers as he fights to collect himself. His face becomes thoughtful as his eyes move over me purposefully. God, he's got beautiful eyes. They're so... open. Then his gaze comes back to meet mine and he shrugs. "I just can't imagine why Gohan wouldn't find you attractive, Videl. I mean... you're a knockout. He'd have to be blind not to notice." I see a slight blush creep across his cheeks at the admission. I know for a fact I've never seen _that_ before.

Still, there's no doubt in my mind that the slight pink on his face is nothing in comparison to the blush I feel rising on mine. I probably resemble Piccolo when he's embarrassed, glowing that lovely purple color. Why am I blushing? He's probably just saying that to make me feel better. I mean... I'm thirty-two years old. Hell, Goku looks younger than me, for God's sake!

The oven buzzes. Oh yeah, the lasagna. Good, I'm saved by the bell. I pull back to open the oven, and thankfully Goku goes back to his place at the table. As soon as the smell hits me, I realize that I'm actually kind of hungry myself, so I pull out a small piece and place it on a plate before putting the rest on a platter for the Saiyajin behind me. Then I get the garlic bread and note with satisfaction that it's slightly browned. Perfect.

That's when I hear the creak. Third stair from the bottom. I keep forgetting to ask Gohan to fix that, not that he could anyway. My husband may be a brilliant man and a skilled fighter, but Mister Fix-It he is not.

When you want to rouse Gohan, bring out the pasta. Maybe that's the key. Next time I'm in the mood, I'll cover myself in noodles, tomato sauce and melted cheese. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at the image in my head. The cheese would burn like hell, anyway. Oh well, so much for another great idea.

"Hey, Dad," Gohan greets before coming to me and pecking me on the cheek.

I smile sweetly, though Goku's slightly raised eyebrow doesn't go unnoticed by me. Please, God, don't let him say anything.

"Hey, Gohan. Have a seat," Goku offers with a nod. "We were about to eat."

"I know, I smelled it all the way upstairs and my stomach started growling so loud, I couldn't concentrate," Gohan replies good-naturedly as he sits down. Then he glances at the clock. "Wow, I didn't realize it was so late," he notes before settling with crossed arms on the table.

Goku glances at me again before looking at his son. "So what were you doing?"

"Working," Gohan answers. Then he pulls off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose lightly before placing them back on his face in one smooth motion.

"Maybe you're working too much," Goku states with a sly grin.

"Tell that to my boss."

Goku shrugs. "I'll talk to Bulma if you want me to. You need a vacation, Gohan. Go take this beautiful wife of yours away for a weekend. You know Chichi and me would be happy to watch Pan for you while you're gone."

He called me beautiful. I knew there was a reason why I like Goku so much.

"I can't right now," Gohan tells his father with a shrug of his own. "Maybe next year we'll take you up on that."

Wow, Goku looks like he's about to scold a little puppy. It would be really funny if I didn't know his motives for doing it in the first place.

"I wish you'd reconsider," Goku says firmly. "Life is precious, son. You shouldn't take anything or anyone for granted while you're here."

The truth and wisdom of those words stirs something within me, so when my husband chuckles, it takes every bit of willpower I possess not to smack the shit out of him. Instead I carry the food to the table to busy my trembling hands. Doesn't he understand just how right Goku is? The man has been dead twice. If anyone would know the value of the time you have when you're alive and among those you love, it would be him.

What's worse is that Gohan seems to decide not to acknowledge the statement at all, but instead asks a question of his own. "So, what happened with Mom?"

I watch Goku's forehead crease slightly. It makes him look so innocent when he does that. More like Gohan's little brother than his father. "I'm not sure. One minute, we were in bed and I was kissing her, and the next thing I know, she pushes me onto the floor and tells me to take a cold shower. When I told her that never actually works, she threw me out."

I stifle a chuckle at the mental picture I see in my head.

"Well, c'mon, what did you expect, Dad? You guys aren't kids any more, you know."

I'm glad I've already put down the food. I know I would've dropped it, and getting spaghetti sauce off of tile without it being slippery afterward is a nightmare.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Goku asks innocently.

I'd kinda like to know that myself...

"Well, take me and Videl, for instance."

Oh no, he wouldn't... Then I remember who I'm talking about. Damned Sons and their damned lack of inhibition when discussing private matters. This isn't the first time a conversation like this has taken place around me with such bluntness. It's just never been directly related _to_ me. First time for everything, it seems, and it's almost worth it for the look on Goku's face right now. I don't think I've ever seen the man look so... shocked.

It doesn't seem to faze Gohan in the slightest. Why should it, it's not like we have a sex life to really be worried about revealing anyway.

"Well, we're younger than you and Mom, and we only have sex... what? Twice a month maybe?" And the man has the gall to look to me for verification.

I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that he said it at all, or the fact that he overstated it a bit. I'm not about to correct _that_ mistake, so I nod instead.

"You're joking."

Funny, it wasn't a question. Oh how I wish he was, Goku-san.

His fork drops with a loud 'clunk' against his plate. "You're serious?"

Woah, it seems this night is just packed with firsts. Goku seems to have completely forgotten about the food in front of him. Where's a camera when you need one? If I don't take a picture, no one will ever believe it.

"Of course I'm serious," Gohan replies with a laugh. "We aren't young like we used to be. I mean, between my work and Pan, we just have too much going on to frolic around like teenagers. I'm sure Mom feels the same way."

Goku just stares slack-jawed at his son. I'm sure I would too if I wasn't the victim of this conversation. Then those wide onyx eyes turn to me, and I can't help but drop my own gaze down to my hands. Now he understands what I meant earlier. I'm not sure whether I'm happy about that or not.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Gohan. God knows if Chichi would let me, I'd show her how much I love her any chance I could."

"I think that's wonderful, Goku-san. Chichi's very lucky."

Uh oh, did I just say that out loud? Well, it's true, so I might as well say as much. Maybe Gohan will take the hint.

"Don't egg him on," Gohan scolds playfully. "I know it sounds romantic, but we both know it's not practical."

If I strangle him, I wonder if I could claim temporary insanity? Your honor, I haven't had sex in weeks, and in my sexually frustrated state, the mention of the lack of importance of physical love by my husband pushed me over the edge... Probably not, but it was worth a shot. God knows this situation isn't the least bit humorous. I just really, _really_ need to find something to make myself feel better.

Gohan's finished his lasagna and he gets up and puts his plate in the sink. "I'm gonna lay down. I have to be in early for a staff meeting." He looks at me with that God-damned indifferent look. The more I see it, the more it pisses me off. "Don't stay up too late, okay hun?"

God, I'm your wife, not your fucking daughter. "Okay."

* * *

Gohan leaves, and I find myself alone with a newly enlightened Goku. This should be interesting. If I was smart, I'd say my goodbyes and leave, but it's too damned late, and I want the company.

"Your lasagna's getting cold." I have to say something, the silence is killing me.

"Oh... right."

I take my normal petite bites while he devours what's left of the food on the table almost immediately. Does he even breathe when he eats? I assume not, considering his plate is empty along with the pan of garlic bread before he leans back and lets out a long breath. Then he smiles.

"Wow, that was fantastic! Thanks, Videl."

"No problem." I finish my portion as well, and I take the empty dishes and place them in the sink while stealing a glance at the clock over the stove. One-thirty in the morning, and I'm still not sleepy at all. Maybe some fresh air would help. Goku knows where the guestroom is, anyway. "I'm gonna go for a walk," I tell him as I finish rinsing off what's left of our collective midnight snack. "Do you need anything before I go?"

He regards me intently for a moment, and I feel myself shiver lightly. "Actually, do you mind if I join you?"

I hope I don't look as surprised as I feel. Maybe I should be uncomfortable, but the idea of a late night stroll with him actually sounds rather appealing. I can't help it. I'm curious by nature, and the man is proving to be quite an enigma. I wouldn't mind finding out what makes the savior of the planet tick. So I answer. "Not at all."

The look disappears, replaced by that stupid grin. So it is a mask... I wonder what he hides behind it? And why?

I push those thoughts aside for the time being as I follow him out of my house and under a canopy of limbs and leaves. He knows these woods better than I do, so I let him lead me to wherever he decides he wants to go. I'd probably get lost on my own anyway, especially in the inky darkness that covers everything at this hour. Even now, he's being considerate. His legs are much longer than mine, hell, the man towers over me by almost two feet, but he never gets more than two steps ahead as he measures his stride carefully.

I'm not sure how long we're walking, but it's well worth it when we stop and I look at the landscape before me. It's a scene out of one of those nature magazines. There's a stream flowing gently between small boulders and over pebbles that have been smoothed over years and years of liquid persuasion. The grass is so thick it's like a carpet of deep emerald green, even under the blanket of night, and I just want to take my slippers off and curl my toes in it. The little cove is surrounded by ancient trees and newly sprouting buds alike, though I notice that this area seems to have been cleared by hand. Probably Goku's. It's obvious no one else has been here.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Goku is known for his knack of understating the obvious. Still, I suppose it's fitting. Simple words to describe simple beauty. I guess that explains why this place seems to suit him so well. "Yeah."

He motions to a spot right on the bank, close enough to dip my feet into the lapping current. "Have a seat," he offers. I look at the ground for a moment. If I get grass stains in this white robe, they'll never come out. Then again, he's taken the time and effort to bring me here; I'll look like a heel if I don't accept his offer.

I guess he figured out why I'm stalling because he takes off the orange gi top and lays it down on the ground. Damn, a woman could get used to this. I accept with a smile and seat myself as daintily as possible considering my attire. It didn't occur to me when I accepted Goku's company that, under this robe, I was still only wearing my flimsy little low-cut and high-hemmed silk nightgown that was originally intended to get Gohan's attention away from his work. I really should have taken an extra five minutes before we left to put on something decent, but it's too late to do anything about that now.

A little dirt doesn't bother my companion at all. He just seats himself, leaving only a few inches between us, with a grace that should, by all accounts, be impossible for someone his size.

So we sit. Goku is looking up at the stars while I take off my shoes and slip my toes into the water, at the same time running one of my hands through the lush green blanket that covers the ground. Neither of us are saying a word, though I have to admit that just being here among the soothing bustle of the twilight hour is much nicer than staring at Gohan's back in my bedroom and crying myself to sleep. I do that too much these days as it is. The more I think about it, the more I wonder what I'm crying for on those nights when the tears just won't seem to stop as they run down my face and soak my pillow. It's not just because my husband doesn't seem attracted to me. It's... everything, I realize. We don't talk anymore. I remember when Gohan and I could talk for hours about everything and nothing. Another thing is that he never touches me unless it's to give me a quick peck on the cheek, like what he gave me earlier, or to nudge me to get my attention. Any other contact is accidental, and every time he says he's sorry when he does it, I just want to scream at him that he shouldn't apologize. Hell, I live for those mistakes.

As time passes, my curiosity gets the best of me, so I decide to risk ruining the calm around us. "What is this place?" I ask tentatively to the stargazer beside me. He looks so peaceful, I almost regret interrupting him at all.

His eyes fall slowly until they level with mine, and I am once again reminded where my husband and his brother inherited their attractive appearances. I've never really taken a notion to study Goku as anything aside from my father-in-law, but right now I look at him, and he is a man. No, that's not right. That doesn't even begin to describe him correctly. Nothing human could compare to what I see before me.

He allows my scrutiny for several silent moments before finally answering my original question. "This is where I used to come when Chichi and I would fight," he explains solemnly. "Here, with the water flowing and the birds singing and the leaves shifting in the breeze, I guess... I guess I don't feel so alone when I'm here."

"I see what you mean." And I do. It's peaceful here, yes, but it's not silent and empty like a void. No, there's life everywhere here, and those sounds have already begun to filter into my soul and soothe the painful areas within. It's not a replacement for what I've been missing, but it's definitely better than nothing.

Then it strikes me. This man was kind enough to show me this place, _his_ place, knowing the beauty and serenity of this haven could have remained a secret forever. "Thank you, Goku-san." God, in the darkness that surrounds us, Goku still seems to glow slightly. It's like he's an angel who's been misplaced among mortals. "Thank you for bringing me here."

He nods once, and his lips curve upward slightly. It's not the innocent grin he wears most of the time. No, this slight smile is much wiser, born of years of experience and opposition. "Well, after hearing Gohan talk tonight, I guess I..." His brow furrows slightly, and I'm not sure if he can't find the right words or if he knows exactly what he wants to say, but isn't sure if he should.

Either way, I want to know what he's thinking. "What?"

"I guess I figured maybe, since we both seem to be lonely, that... we could be lonely together."

Simple logic. I can't help but smile at him, even though his face betrays his confusion at his own words. I guess it is confusing, but I've been unwanted and undesired for too long to care anymore where I find my comfort. If my husband will not give it to me, then I will take it where I can get it, whether it be from an accidental touch, the soft sounds of life within this cove, or the presence of one who can empathize with my hopelessness. Besides, the truth is that I haven't felt as good as I do at this moment in a very, very long time.

Has he been this close to me the whole time? Our nearly touching bodies suddenly registers in my mind as his steady breaths lightly caress my face. Maybe it's because of the way the combination of the trees and starlight cast shadows along his angular features, or perhaps it's those unfathomably deep orbs of burning midnight that make my heart suddenly pound like a drum in my ears and my skin suddenly feel so impossibly hot in contrast to the chilled night air. God, when was the last time any man, hell anyone at all, looked at me in such a way?

Perhaps this is a dream. Maybe my mind is playing a cruel trick on me, for it seems almost impossible that I could inspire such attention from anyone. I've been ignored for so long that I began to believe I wasn't capable of earning such open appreciation from another, especially not someone like the man in front of me. I don't even realize that my hand has moved from the grass until I see it lightly cup his cheek. God, this _is_ real! His skin is so soft and so amazingly warm in the palm of my hand as he leans into it. His eyes close, and the impossibly thick eyelashes weave together and make him look so peaceful and... delicate. I get the feeling that if I apply too much pressure to the visage, it will shatter into a million pieces to match the heart within. It's unreal, that a being so powerful could be as broken inside as a simple, weak, human female like me. And yet, here we are. Both alone, both hurting, and both needing. Which one of us shed the first tear? I feel the slight tickle along my cheek even as I see a single glittering drop fall down his face to baptize my thumb.

Then those endless black eyes slowly open, and for the first time tonight, I recognize what the look he gives me means. I know that I should leave right now. This look, this silent question and unspoken plea is my cue to get up and walk away before this goes too far. Hell, it's already gone too far, but at this point there is nothing that can't be undone and ignored later. He knows it as well. His eyes tell me as much, so why am I not moving? Simple question, and there's a simple answer: I've been too lonely for too long.

My conscience is strangely quiet under the circumstances. I know it's wrong, but... I need this.

I sit up and allow my other hand to join the first on the other side of his face. I've given my answer, and his eyes widen ever so slightly. For a split second, I'm scared to death. Maybe I misinterpreted his actions? Maybe I'm just a fool who is trying to read into something that isn't there? I mean, I've already proven that I'm not thinking clearly, right? What if I'm deluding myself, and -

All doubt of his intent is washed away as he closes the distance between us. When his lips brush over mine, I'm awed by how soft they are. It's like satin against the tender flesh of my mouth as he moves back and forth with feather-light strokes. Those tortuously teasing ministrations turn what was a flickering flame into blazing fire almost instantly, and instinct drives me to deepen the contact between us. He obliges me immediately as one of his arms snakes around my body while I move my hands from the sides of his face to wrap around his neck. One of my hands threads its way into his impossibly thick mane of ebony chaos. God, it's almost as soft as his mouth! I let my fingers play through the supple strands, marveling at the feel and texture, wondering how it stands against gravity when it's so pliable in my hand.

A velvety touch caresses my bottom lip, and I moan gratefully as I allow his tongue to explore the contours of my mouth before meeting mine in a languid duel. It doesn't stay that way long before we pull ourselves together as tightly as two people sitting side by side can and deepen the kiss, our mouths working almost frantically against each other.

At the same moment that I decide to use my grip on his neck to twist myself onto my knees, I feel both of his hands circle my waist and pick me up as though I'm weightless. Our mouths pull apart, and I instinctively move my hands to his biceps to brace myself even though logically I know it's completely unnecessary. God only knows how many times I've seen him pick up a small forest's worth of firewood with these same powerful arms, so I can imagine that lifting me up is the equivalent of hefting a sheet of paper. The blazing fire in the inky depths of his eyes sends a shiver down my spine. There's so much there - pain, longing, need, passion, desire -

Goku draws me onto his lap so that we're face to face, forcing the silky material of my negligee to bunch just below my waist while my robe is caught under my legs. The autumn breeze hits the flushed skin of my shoulders and back and I realize suddenly that my robe has been untied at some point and is now totally open, being held up only by my arms that are latched onto the man in front of me. I gasp at the contrast of chilly air against my heated skin as goosebumps form across my exposed body.

It's all forgotten as Goku resumes where we left off moments earlier, one artistically-chiseled arm capturing me and pulling me against his chest while the other hand finds the back of my head, crushing our lips together for the second time. I react to his sudden fervor with an intensity I had forgotten I even possess. This kiss is much deeper, much bolder, and - Good God help me! - leaves me completely breathless, boneless and mindless. I didn't even notice that my hands had found their way under the remaining shirt he's wearing, pulling it free so that I can run my palm along the rock-hard muscles encased in heated flesh that lies beneath it. I register it only after my fingernail grazes a nipple, and he moans softly in the back of his throat sending a slight vibration into our joined mouths. Of course, now that I know, I make damn sure to do it again a little harder.

Goku relinquishes my mouth with a deep growl before returning the favor, and oh God! Whoever decided that 'payback's a bitch' has never been in this situation, that's for damned sure! When his fingers find my already aroused nub through the material of my nightgown, it's all I can do not to gouge out a nice-sized chunk of his chest and shoulder where my hands are as every muscle in my body tenses. My head seems to fall back of its own accord, and before I can pick it up again, his hair is tickling my cheek and forehead as all of the wondrously talented tools of his mouth are playing havoc along my jaw line, my neck falling victim right after. Every kiss, lick and nip goes straight to my belly as the familiar sensations send little tendrils of electricity through my limbs, draining every ounce of strength from them.

His teasing fingers retreat, but only to pull my arms down so that he can remove the robe that has been hanging from them. He pulls the rest from under my legs and tosses it to the side before bending forward, his mouth moving along the neckline of my nightdress, then dipping lower, his teeth lightly raking across the smooth fabric in the valley of my breasts. I am totally unable to do anything beyond grip him tightly and writhe like a fish out of water. I hiss between clenched teeth as he takes a nipple into his mouth, nipping lightly before pulling it between his lips.

The soft tearing sound tells me he's tired of the barrier between him and the object of his attentions as the now ruined garment falls slowly behind my back. I couldn't agree more, and I tell him as much by pulling myself up so that I can grip the bottom of his weighted training tee and get it out of my way. The damn thing's heavier than it looks! No matter, he releases me and yanks it over his head almost faster than my eyes can follow, discarding it with a toss over his shoulder.

Every inch of my skin cries out in protest at the sudden lack of contact. Time to change that. I grab onto his shoulders to feel his body pressed against mine, and I grind my pelvis down over the bulge that has been brushing against me. Instant reaction, and without a doubt the single most beautiful sight I think I've ever witnessed. His fiery eyes close tightly as he throws his head back, moaning my name breathlessly as his fingers dig into my hips, pulling me even harder onto his answering thrust.

Before I have time to blink, he's flipped us over, the lush grass beneath me cushioning my body against his assault. My mind shuts down as his blessed mouth works furiously against my flesh, and I squirm helplessly against him. Then I feel fingers run an agonizing trail up my inner thigh until it comes to my panties. When his hand maneuvers under them, I cry out, every iota of my being sent into an oblivion of almost painful need to be fulfilled.

As he moves back up and his lips graze my cheek in a quest to take another kiss, I untie the sash at his waist and grin ever so slightly when he doesn't seem to even notice.

Time to let him know.

My fingers slip under the waistband of the gi pants and boxers to collect my prize with a firm grasp. His previously half-lidded eyes snap open and bared canines seem to glow in the dim light surrounding us as he cries out, bucking instinctively into my surrounding fingers. I run up and down the length of his erection in time with his movements, enjoying both the fact that he seems unable now to torture me like he was, and that his entire body is quaking with pent-up desire, the muscles in his arms and chest twitching in a hypnotically exquisite manner. There's something about seeing a man burning with such an intense passionate hunger and knowing it's your touch that brought him to that erotic zenith that's an aphrodisiac all its own. It's definitely driving me on as I redouble my efforts, taking the first moisture he releases and rubbing it in slow circles along the tip of his throbbing arousal while my other hand begins pulling both the pants and underwear down one of his narrow hips. Once one side is down far enough, I work around to the other, until finally he's free from the cloth barrier. He wiggles them to his knees and kicks them off with an impatient snarl before taking one look at the only other thing standing in the way of our mutual desire.

Once an expensive silk garment, now nothing more than worthless ribbons.

He leans down and claims my lips hungrily as my legs wrap tightly around his waist, but the kiss lasts only a moment before he draws back. We're both panting and heaving against each other, and my eyes have fallen closed in preparation for what I've longed for since his hand squeezed my shoulder gently in my kitchen.

But it doesn't come.

When I do brave a glance, my eyes lock onto his, and I see why he's waiting. God, no other man alive in our situation would hesitate now! Yet he does. His gaze is clouded with so much, I literally have to study it for a moment to catch the emotions that run rampant through the scorching onyx orbs. Most of all though, he's uncertain. I understand what he's trying to do, and I commend him for it deep within what's left, which isn't much, of my rational thought process.

But if he doesn't do something _right now_, my brain is going to explode.

I hook my ankles together at the base of his spine and draw his entire length into me in one fluid motion that simultaneously forces an animalistic howl from his throat and a ragged scream from my own. He even loses himself to the point that he falls from perching on his hands to barely holding himself up on his elbows above me. But it's all the convincing he needed apparently as his burning gaze peeks out from under his tightly drawn brow to bore into my eyes. Then he's stealing my breath in the most passionate embrace I've ever experienced as he draws back. Everything becomes a blur as he drives forward again, filling me more completely than I've ever experienced while hindering my vocalization with the demanding kiss.

Just when I think it can't get any better and my body begins to tremble in preparation of my release, he draws his face back and pulls completely out of me. I groan in protest only to have a downright evil chuckle greet my ears as he perches my legs over his shoulders.

Thank God I didn't take a deep breath at that moment, or else Dende himself would have been able to hear me yell when his straining manhood buried itself within me more deeply than before. All thought ceases and we both seem to go on autopilot as our bodies thrust and buck into each other in a primal dance of ecstasy. He buries his face in my neck while I hold onto his back like a lifeline, my fingers raking over his slick skin and drawing blood in several places. Compounding Goku's deep strokes with fingers that once again cup my breast and firmly pull against the pert nub, the barrier shatters, sending me into mind-numbing waves of incomprehensible pleasure as the world dissolves around me and I shout his name at the top of my overtaxed lungs. I am very, _very_ vaguely aware of Goku's choked cry a moment later as his warm essence pours into me; his entire body jerks wildly as he bites his lip to the point of drawing blood to continue moving within me so that he can draw both of our climaxes out for as long as possible.

Finally he moves to my side and collapses onto his back, using what seems to be the last of his strength to draw me from my spot on the ground to lay on top of him instead. The mindless cloud that was my mind faintly registers a sluggish movement beneath me and the feel of something covering my naked body a second later. Then the soft, lulling sound of his contented purr surrounds us, and I succumb to my body's demand to shut down as my eyes fall closed and I drop into oblivion.

* * *

Before my eyes open again, my consciousness notes the subtle vibration beneath my cheek as well as the gentle fingers that run tenderly through my hair. I hear myself sigh softly.

"Videl..."

Mm, I feel way too good to move. Maybe if I ignore it...

"Videl," the soft call beckons again, "we need to go back."

Back? Back to -

And it all comes rushing back like a tidal wave against my sluggish faculties, making me bolt upright and jump five feet away from the man who woke me from my peacefully lethargic state. Reawakened brain equals sudden and undeniable guilt when the conscience catches up on the past few hours. Damn it, I actually did this. I had sex... with... oh God! No, no, no! I could not have been so needy... so desperate...

So fucking stupid!

The pre-dawn air makes me sink to the ground and fold my legs against my chest to cover myself as best I can while my eyes search frantically for my robe. It appears in front of me, hanging loosely from the hand of the man that I can't even look in the eye now. I take it and mumble a thank you before scooting around so my back is to him, slipping the robe over my shoulders. Once the waist is tied a little tighter than necessary, I manage to stand on legs that immediately remind me of my current predicament and start searching for my other clothes. Or what's left of them, I see. Ah yes, that's right. God damn me and my pathetic lack of control!

Goku has backed several feet away and - thank God! - put his pants on. Now he's watching me with a blank expression on his normally animated features, and the guilt compounds to the point that I'm sure if anything were in my stomach it would be decorating the forest floor at this point. And still he stares as though he's seeing me for the first time. And then his eyes drop.

Logic suddenly takes over where emotions simply can't operate properly, and I begin making a mental checklist. Throw away torn clothes...

I look up at the first blast, and catch the second one that completely vaporizes the offending scraps. And people think this man's stupid...

Shower. Lots and lots of soap and shampoo. Have to make sure Gohan's nose doesn't find me out before I can sit him down and tell him. I mean, of course I'm going to tell him. The only time you don't confess is when either you know your husband won't forgive you, which I don't, or you plan to do it again... which I don't. Do I?

What? What the holy fucking hell is wrong with me? Of course I won't do this again. This was a mistake! A horrible, despicable...

Goku clears his throat, getting my attention. Then he takes one tentative step towards me. For one moment, I'm frozen before I do the only thing I know to do.

I run.

* * *

A/N: Since finally decided to loosen its girdle, or maybe it's just that the old morality police finally found a hobby, I figured I'd bring this one back, circa 2000. Not a bad way to celebrate the fic's twelfth birthday. :) And for anyone new to this story whose first reaction to the Goku/Videl pairing was something akin to, "Oh God, not another fucked up Gk/V story. Where's the bitch that started this trend so I can wring her neck?"... Well, that would be me. This was the first. No, seriously, it was. Believe it or not, there was a time when no one could even comprehend this pairing. Even back in 2000 there was so much out there in the DBZ-verse that it was almost inconceivable to do anything that hadn't already been done fifty different ways. So when I brought this to my dearest beta-reader, Blu, I told her myself I couldn't believe I was considering this. Her response: She couldn't believe I'd made her believe it. That was all I needed, and the Gk/V pairing was born.

Love it or hate it, this was the alpha. And to be fair, I think it's a pretty decent bit of fanfiction.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: You already know I don't own Dragonball, but now I am legally obligated to tell you that I don't own _Bailamos_ by Enrique Iglesias either. I just needed a good song for him to dance to *grins*

Special thanks to one of my favorite authors (and toughest competition,) BluEydMnstr, for beta-ing!

**Chapter Two: **

**Two Wrongs Have Never Felt So Right **

Oh God, I really did it this time.

Not my usual stupid mistake either. No, this time I fucked up to such a colossal extent that it could ruin everything that's important to me: my marriage, my relationship with my oldest son and his wife...

Shit, I can't think about her. Anything but her. Come on, Goku...

Sex...

No..

Sparring...

That's almost the same as sex.

Food...

Yeah, there we go! Food is good. Food is safe. Actually, I'm kinda hungry now that I think about it. That lasagna Videl makes would really...

Damn it, this is nuts, but... besides those three things, I usually don't think about much else.

Oh God...

I'm screwed. That's all there is to it. I'm a terrible liar as it is, and it's only gonna be a matter of time before Chichi realizes something's up, and then what am I gonna do? I damn sure can't tell her! I may be one of the strongest fighters in the universe, but my wife scares the shit outta me. Sure, Vegeta would say she's just a weakling human woman, blah, blah, blah, but any woman that can produce a frying pan from God-knows-where faster than my eyes can follow is definitely worth fearing in my book. And who knows what she'd do to Videl... but at least Videl would stand a fighting chance.

How I would fare against Gohan is another story. It's not just the fact that I don't think I could seriously hurt my own son, even if my life depended on it. It's because there's a chance, however small, that he would actually be able to kill me even if I _did_ defend myself. Most people would probably laugh at the idea of Gohan the Scholar beating the shit outta me - I mean, he doesn't exactly radiate power these days - but I know better. My son's been a bookworm all his life thanks to his mother, but it's never stopped him from being able to cut loose and kick ass when the need arose.

I have a feeling this would be one of those times.

So the question is: how in the hell did I let this happen? Actually, if I'm really honest with myself, I didn't just let it happen. Hell, I pretty much started it! I know damned good and well that Videl wouldn't have considered cheating on Gohan. I've sensed her loyalty to her loved-ones since I first met her... God, has it really been fifteen years already? Yeah... damn. She doesn't look a day older, either. Same beauty, just different hair.

And here's where my problem starts. Every time I try to go over that night in my mind - you'd think after almost two weeks it wouldn't be so bad - I'm okay until I get to the sex part. Then, for some reason, head number one shuts down and head number two takes over, and it's all downhill from there. Yet here I am, once again trying to get a handle on what happened.

Why did I ask her what was wrong? Simple: because she was upset. I'm not the brightest guy in the world, but I coulda figured that one out. I didn't even try to see into her aura. Crying is usually a pretty good indication something's up.

Why'd I offer to listen? Again, I wanted to help. She's family... sorta. I mean, I'll never be able to think of her like a daughter again, but still...

Damn it, when did I start trying to lie to myself?.

The fact is that I've always liked Videl, but she's never managed to make it to the daughter-I-never-had stage - maybe because I've never really spoken to her, even though she and Gohan live just next door. Maybe it's because when I usually see her, either we're here and Chichi immediately shoos me away unless it's time to eat, or I'm there because Chi threw me out, in which case she usually tries to be nice about the whole situation and doesn't say anything to me at all other than a "Goodnight, Goku-san" or whatever. Sure, we've exchanged pleasantries and so on, but we've never actually sat down and had a conversation. Why would we? I mean, I'm supposed to be an idiot, right? Why the hell would she try to talk to me when she's got Gohan or Bulma? Although, I've noticed on more than one occasion the way she seems to study me, almost like she's expecting me to be hiding something.

Which I'm not. Well, not usually.

Okay, so I'm not as big a fool as people think I am. The truth is that I kinda like it that way. It's basically the polar opposite of what Vegeta does so Bulma's friends will leave him alone. He uses the I-wouldn't-piss-on-you-if-you-were-on-fire scowl while I slap on a dumb grin and stick my hand behind my head like I have no clue as to what the person speaking to me meant. And it works most of the time. Videl's one of the few people I've ever noticed really look like they didn't buy it, which is fine, too, cause she's never said anything about it to anyone as far as I know. I'm pretty sure if she had expressed any doubt in my lack of intelligence to anyone, I woulda been able to hear laughing as far away as Capsule Corp. Still, my reputation comes not because I'm stupid, but from my tendency to talk and act before I really think things through - this situation being the granddaddy of all examples.

But that's neither here nor there. So the next question is: why did I freak out when she admitted to me that she was feeling lonely? You know, I probably shouldn't have been as surprised as I was. I mean, Gohan is Chichi's son, and her influence on him is unmistakable in so many aspects of his life... why did I think the way he handles love would be any different? I guess it's probably because I've always envied him a little when it came to finding someone like Videl. I mean, God, what man - especially a Saiyajin! - wouldn't appreciate someone like her? Not only is she beautiful, but she's smart, strong, compassionate, spirited, honest, intuitive... God, I could keep going on and on. I even told Vegeta at their wedding that Gohan was really lucky because Videl had all the qualities I really liked about both my wife and Bulma mixed together, all without the shrieking, shouting, and cursing we have to deal with so much. I guess I remember it so well because he actually agreed with me. I knew he would, though. Vegeta's smarter than the average bear; he knew exactly what I meant, especially coming from a Saiyajin's idea of 'the perfect woman.' Chichi's a damn good fighter with no spirit or passion, and Bulma's got more spirit than she knows what to do with, but has absolutely zero fighting ability to back it up. Videl is the whole package and then some.

Knowing that, I just don't understand how Gohan could let things go like he has. When I told him that I'd show Chichi how much I loved her any chance I could if she'd let me, I meant it. I love my wife. Sure, she's anal... irate... anal... impatient... anal... loud...

Did I mention anal?

That doesn't change the fact that I love her. We've been married for over thirty years, though I guess eight of em don't count since I was dead, but still, I've never stopped caring for her. She is who she is, and I understand that, just like I am the way I am. I do kinda wish _she_ could appreciate that sometimes, but I learned a long time ago that when Chi's got it stuck in her head the way things are supposed to be, it's not worth arguing over. There are some battles a warrior faces that he knows he has no chance in hell of winning, and that's one of em. It'd just be another reason for her to kick me out of the house, and God knows I don't need that to happen again, especially not now.

And once again, I'm letting myself get off track. Where was I?

Oh yeah. Why did I try to talk to Gohan? That's easy. He's fucking things up with his wife. He's just like his mother - he's so caught up in all the little details that he's totally missing the big stuff. Like paying attention to Videl, though for the life of me, I can't figure out how in the hell any man with eyes could pass a woman like her up...

My eyes fall to the quickly-forming bulge in the front of my pants. Damn it! Get down, will ya? Nobody asked you!

I have to stay focused. Deep breath... let it out slowly... repeat.

Okay, that's a little better. At least now I'm thinking clearly again.

So why did I offer to go with her when she wanted to take a walk? I originally offered to go because I knew she needed to talk to someone. I understood what she meant when she said she felt lonely. I've been in her shoes... hell, I'm still there, as a matter of fact. I guess I shoulda just been happy that they aren't sleeping in separate bedrooms like Chi and I, but - sometimes I really am an idiot - I couldn't leave well enough alone.

But that's just it, it's _not_ well enough at all. I know that. It kills me knowing that my wife and I are so distant. I hate it! I don't want it to be this way, but she won't let me get close to her. For as long as we've been married, she's treated me like her child rather than her husband, though in her defense, I _was_ pretty much a child when we started out. I knew absolutely nothing about being a responsible man and a good husband, but I've learned a lot since then, and I've always tried to do my very best for her and my sons. Still, it always seems like what I do just isn't enough for her. I've tried to figure it out for years now, and I'm still not sure what it is that makes her push me away like she does. I'm not just talking about sex, either. Not that I don't want that, too, but that's not the most important thing to me. It bothers me a whole hell of a lot more that she hasn't even let me hold her at night for years, and I can barely remember the last time she told me she loved me. I guess it was right before I left to fight Cell, the night Goten was conceived.

Damn. That was depressing.

That's why it really ate me when I saw just how detached Gohan seemed towards Videl; I know just how much it hurts to have someone you care a lot about turn a deaf ear to your feelings. It was so obvious to me as I watched Videl, how his inattentiveness affects her, and I just wanted to wring his neck. I wouldn't have, of course. I mean, it's not really any of my business, aside from the fact that they are family and I want to be there for them if they ever need anything.

Funny, I didn't feel right about coming out and openly chastising my son for ignoring his wife, but I had very little problem with taking up the slack personally.

And this brings me to the biggest question, and my biggest problem. I keep asking myself how I let this happen in the first place, and I feel my thoughts being torn in two different directions. I'm not sure whether it's a Saiyajin versus human thing or a logic versus morality thing or what, but whatever it is, it's confusing the hell outta me. My humanity and the ethics I have carried with me and relied on my whole life tell me that a married man sleeping with another woman is wrong, just as a man sleeping with a married woman is wrong. Of course, a man sleeping with a woman who just happens to be married to his son is really, _really_ shameful and dishonorable in the worst possible way. There's absolutely no excuse that can justify that kind of behavior...

So why is there a part of my brain that harbors so many of them?

As soon as my moral half berates me for my actions, another part of my mind pipes up with all the reasons that it was...

Inevitable?

No, that's not right. This could have been... _should_ have been avoided.

Plausible?

Maybe...

Understandable?

Is it understandable?

The day after it happened, I felt so guilty, but most of it - God, forgive me - wasn't because I had been unfaithful to my wife. Sure, I felt bad about it, but I've actually felt more guilt for _not_ feeling guilty _enough_ than for the actual deed itself, though I'm not entirely sure why that is. I guess the part of my brain that fights with my idea of right and wrong is a big part of it.

Logically, I suppose it makes sense that Videl and I gravitated towards each other that night, considering our sudden understanding of the morbid similarities in our circumstances and the undeniable likenesses in our feelings that have resulted from them. Everyone needs someone to share things with, a person that understands, and I don't think either Videl or me have anyone like that when it comes to problems with our relationships. I've got lots of friends, but none that I feel right discussing my marital woes with, and I get the strong feeling Videl's much the same way. Both of us happen to be really good friends with Bulma, but there's no way in hell I'm talking to her about this. That'd be about the same as broadcasting my personal life on network television. I love Bulma, but she couldn't keep a secret to save her life. Everyone else just wouldn't understand.

It's gonna be okay. I'll just stay right here until I can get it all figured out...

"Goku-san!"

Maybe not. Great, her ki has aggression written all over it. What the hell did I do this time? Oh shit, here she comes...

Chichi's slim form somehow seems incredibly large as it fills the doorway of Gohan's old bedroom... my bedroom nowadays. I put on my best disarming smile as I look over from my spot sprawled out on the child-sized bed. "Hey, babe! Whatcha need?"

Damn! I didn't mean to -

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that!" she screeches, making me wince at the painful sound that assaults my sensitive hearing. She _knows_ how bad it hurts my ears when she does that! "I'm not some two-bit whore from the city, Goku!"

"Sorry, Chichi. I guess I wasn't thinking," I reply. Chuckle, hand behind my head, shrug.

Her narrowed onyx eyes roll impatiently. "So what else is new?" she mutters under her breath, and I can tell she didn't mean for me to hear it. Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, so I let my laugh linger for a moment to cover the feeling of resentment that wells up, though I push it back quickly. When I quiet, she crosses her arms and taps her foot on the floor. "There's no way I'm taking you into the city dressed like _that_," she hisses, pointing at me.

Considering I always end up sparring with Vegeta when we go to the Capsule Corporation parties, I figured this would be the best thing to wear. After all, if I ruin another suit, she'll kill me. I look down at my gi and I can sense that my slight confusion regarding her demand is _really_ pissing her off, so I quickly smile once again. I should have known better than to try and think for myself. "Wow, you're right! I guess I shouldn't wear this old thing, eh? I'll change and meet you outside in a few minutes." Still smiling...

"Well, I don't want to be late, so I'll ride with Gohan. You can handle getting there by yourself, right?" She doesn't even wait for an answer. She just turns on her heel and leaves.

Thank God, cause if I had to wear that fucking grin one more second, I would have cracked for sure.

She doesn't want to be late. I snort sarcastically knowing that the party is two hours from now, but at least it means I'll have a little more time to think without worrying about Chichi biting my head off again. After a few minutes of enjoying the silence of an empty house, I get up and go to the closet, shoving the clothes Gohan left aside so I can get to my rarely used wardrobe that's in the back. Chichi must be feeling pretty good tonight since she's trusting me to pick my own outfit.

I sigh dejectedly as I pull out a charcoal colored dress coat and black slacks. I despise the uncomfortable get-up, but I have to admit it's better than the awful brown suit Chichi seems to like so much.

Chichi...

I love her, but God, I wish she didn't make it so damned difficult! I can't help but wonder sometimes... does she have to _make_ herself love me the way I do with her these days? Oh well, I'm not going to worry myself with things I can't do anything about. I've got enough to deal with right now as it is.

Like seeing Videl tonight at the party.

I think I've got it figured out. I know I'm going to have to talk to Videl eventually, but it can't be before I get my own head straight. There's been enough damage done as it is, and if I'm not careful... God, I don't even want to think about what could happen. Knowing this, I've come up with a plan. Everyone's known about this party at Bulma's for weeks. We do it every year, and every year the same people show up and do the same things, so I'm pretty sure this party will be no different. That's what I'm banking on, anyway. That means all the ladies will be inside talking and doing whatever they do, and the guys'll all be out on the front lawn, so I shouldn't have to worry about seeing Videl first thing. Dinner might be a little more difficult to negotiate since Bulma tends to keep her friends somewhat separated from the guests of the company. More than likely we'll be sitting at the same table as Gohan and Videl, but if I eat rather than talk, no one will be the wiser. Then I'll just excuse myself as soon as I'm done and go to the gravity room to wait for Vegeta.

I pull down a white button-down shirt while I scan the scant few ties I own. You know what? I can't stand neck ties, and Chi will just have to live with that. Besides, I know neither Trunks, Goten, or Vegeta will be wearing a tie, so hopefully I can get away with it. Even if I can't, this is one of the few things I'll do and willingly take my wife's wrath.

I have to quit worrying, so I focus on getting dressed and looking presentable. I guess it worked since my visual scan in the full-length mirror looks okay. Feeling less edgy than I did before while I go over my plan one more time, I put two fingers to my forehead and teleport to Capsule Corporation for what I hope and pray will be a nice, uneventful evening.

I land on the small patch of green that marks the front lawn of Capsule Corporation, and the first thing I notice are the catering trucks. I groan softly as my attention is drawn to the soft sound of distant thunder. It takes me less than a second to realize that bad weather is headed straight for us, which means everyone will be inside.

Together.

All night long.

So much for planning.

I am relieved by the fact that the large dome-shaped building has lots and lots of room as well as the fact that there will be probably close to a hundred people in attendance, therefore it might not be so bad. Plus, if worse comes to worst, I can always go hide in the training capsule and work out a bit before we eat...

"Son-kun!"

For some reason, seeing her makes me think I should have just stayed home after all, and Chichi be damned. Of course, it's too late to turn back now, so I plaster my infamous grin on my face and wave at blue-haired beauty I've been friends with since I was a kid coming towards me. "Hey Bulma!"

"Where have you been?" she asks breathlessly once she reaches me. She takes my arm and drags me inside, whispering between frantic gasps. "Chichi's flipping out. She said you were supposed to be here a while ago."

I wasn't that far behind her, was I? Not that it matters. If my wife says I'm late, I'm late. "I had trouble deciding what to wear."

Bulma stops and looks me over one good time before throwing me her standard flirtatious wink. "Well, I think you did all right. You look great! It's a hell of a lot better than that awful tweed thing you wore last year. So, how 'bout it handsome? What do you say we go in there and calm your wife down?"

"Or maybe I could just hang out in the GR instead?" Bulma starts laughing and pats my arm at what she takes as a joke.

That's good. She doesn't need to know I was serious. I'm in enough trouble as it is.

Bulma leads me through the winding hallways of the structure that's been her home, not that I need her to guide me to the party. I can feel a group of varying ki, so I know basically where everyone is. Still, I don't protest because I have the feeling walking in with her with save me some embarrassment when I have to face Chichi. God knows she doesn't mind yelling at me in front of the others, but Bulma has a tendency to cover my ass in situations like this.

We enter a large room that looks like some kind of conference hall that's been cleared out to allow for a few rows of round tables and a huge empty area in front of the biggest stereo system I've ever seen.

"Hey Dad, long time, no see!"

I can't help but smile as Goten rushes over and I give him a firm hug. He's right, I haven't seen him since he and Trunks moved into their apartment so he would be closer to the university a few months ago. I guess Bulma decides to let us talk alone, cause she waves at me and retreats through the nearest doorway. I shrug mentally and turn my attention to my youngest. "Hey, son. How's it feel to be out of the dorms?"

Goten laughs and scratches the back of his head just like I do. "It's great, and the bonus is that I've got Trunks there to help me when I don't understand my assignments. Plus," he leans in and looks around before giving me a conspiratory grin, "girls like a guy who has his own place, ya know?"

"Yeah," I answer with a soft chuckle. God help us all if his mother hears him, though. Goten's her baby, and she would flip out if she heard him talk like that. She's not happy with him rooming with Trunks to begin with, and I have a feeling she'd use any excuse she could to guilt him into coming back home. Not like she hasn't tried already.

As usual, Trunks and Goten are never far from one another. "Hey, Goku-san!" Trunks greets me with a smile. Good, I was right! Neither of them are wearing a tie. Hell, Goten's not even wearing a dress shirt. Bet he's already gotten an earful about it, too.

"Hey, Trunks," I say as I clasp him on the back. "You keeping my son out of trouble?"

He grins, knowing that I'm more than well aware that he and Goten have been causing trouble together all their lives. If fusion taught us anything, it's that when you combine those two, they give words like 'mischief' and 'mayhem' a whole new meaning! "Of course, Goku-san," he states with exaggerated innocence. "Seriously, it's great having Goten as a roommate. We've been having a lot of fun, though... erm..."

"Chichi already got hold of you," I finished for him.

"Yeah," he admits with a pained grimace.

Goten rolls his eyes. "We were talking to Uncle Vegeta, and I made the mistake of mentioning that Trunks and I have started sparring in the evenings, and she went kinda nuts."

Trunks swipes at the lavender hair that's always falling in his eyes. "I thought Papa was gonna blow a gasket."

"Yeah, I'll bet, but I'm kinda surprised," I say with a shrug. "I thought she'd give ya hell about your clothes or something..."  
"Believe me, she mentioned that, too," Goten replies. "My clothes... my hair..."

I see why she brought the hair up as he runs a hand through his unkempt ebony spikes. She always preferred it short, but it seems he's growing it out again now that she's not there to make him cut it. God, I wish she'd leave him alone tonight. I know she harps on him because she loves him so much, but he's a grown man now and more than capable of making his own decisions. Unfortunately, I can't do much more than give him my personal support, so I wrap my arm around his shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Goten. You know it's just her way of showing you she cares."

"I know, Dad. I just hope she doesn't embarrass me at the graduation commencement ceremony next year. I don't want any girlfriend I might find scared off, ya know?"

Ha, good luck, son.

"Don't worry, little brother, I'm proof that you can find a woman that's mom-approved."

Damn, I didn't even notice him coming up behind me. I don't turn around now that I can feel my oldest closing the distance. Thankfully she's not with him.

Goten snorts. "Yeah, but not all of us are as lucky as you."

"You mean by marrying a woman from a wealthy family?" Gohan laughs, amusement in his voice. "I guess you have a point."

I wince slightly. I can't help wondering if that kind of talk bothers Videl. I know I'm not too proud of the fact that Chichi admitted to only liking Videl after she found out her father was rich.

Even though she's not standing right here, I feel like I should say something... Instead, Gohan comes to my other side and nudges me.

"How are you, Dad? I haven't seen you for over a week, so I guess things are pretty good, eh?"

Oh yeah, wonderful. "Pretty good," I repeat with as much merriment as I can muster. I really want to ask how Videl is, but how do I do it without sounding like I'm fishing for information? I figure I'll try a round-about approach rather than questioning him outright. "How've you been doing? Still working a lot?"

"Yeah, and it's gonna get worse," he replies with an indifferent shrug, "but it's worth it. Actually, I wanted to ask if you could do me a favor."

"Sure, you know I'll do whatever I can." Maybe he decided to take me up on the offer to watch Pan for him so he could take Videl away after all. That would be good, I think.

I _think_? What the hell is up with me lately?

"I'll be leaving Monday to go out of town for a week to a conference. Would you mind keeping an eye on things while I'm gone?"

You've got to be kidding me. "No problem," I reply with a smile, "but why isn't Videl going with you?" It's not the first time Gohan's had to do some traveling, but she's always gone with him before.

"Nah, it'll be all work and no play. I'm barely going to have time to sleep," Gohan explains matter-of-factly. "I'm sure she'd rather be at home than all alone in a little hotel room."

First off, I know that Videl would rather be with him, no matter where or under what circumstances. Secondly, Gohan works for Capsule Corp, and nothing they do is ever small. He's guaranteed to be put up in a suite with room for the entire family. I'm getting really confused, but I mentally shrug it off, chalking it up to the fact that my brain is scrambled already; nothing is going to make much sense to me right now. "Oh. Okay then, yeah, I'll keep watch for ya."

"Great," he says, "thanks, Dad."

"No problem." It suddenly occurs to me that I still haven't seen Chichi. "Uh, where's your mom at? Bulma said she was a little upset with me when I got here."

Trunks cocks his head towards the tables. "I think Mom distracted her by letting her torture... erm, I mean direct the caterers."

We all know the little slip was intentional, and everyone gets a good laugh out of it. Still, I don't want to prolong the inevitable any longer. "Alright, I'm gonna go find her. You boys have fun, and try not to cause any trouble."

Trunks and Goten throw a glance at each other while Gohan grasps each of them by a shoulder and smiles at me. "Don't worry, I'll make sure they don't wreck the place."

I chuckle softly. Better him than me.

I follow the trail of white coats that flow to and from the large room where the food is being laid out banquet style, and I'm not surprised when it leads me towards the Brief family kitchen. I make it to the doorway in time to see Bulma standing behind my wife, rubbing her temples with irritation etched into her features as Chichi yells at some poor kid that, I'm guessing by what I can make out, just dropped one of the trays. Bulma looks up in time to see me and begins motioning for me to leave by making a slashing action across her throat. Then she looks just to my left and mouths something, and I follow her gaze to see Videl - damn, I can't believe I didn't sense her - pushing off the counter and heading towards me.

This can't be good.

This time it's Videl that grabs my arm and pulls me around the corner, even though it's plainly obvious that she's _very_ uncomfortable. As soon as I'm out of the room, she lets go and backs away several steps. I hate this, especially knowing that it's my fault she's acting this way towards me. I clear my throat as my own nervousness comes back full force, but my curiosity is much stronger than my apprehension. "What's going on?" I ask as I lean over and peek into the kitchen to avoid looking at my daughter-in-law and making her feel even more anxious.

"Oh... um..." she fumbles uneasily, making me frown even more. "I guess... I guess Chichi's mad at you."

"So?" I risk a look just as she lifts her gaze from the floor, and strangely enough, once our eyes meet, they stay locked.

"Well," Videl explains, her bright blue eyes blinking once in surprise, "I guess Bulma's trying to save you from getting your head bitten off."

I snort once as I break eye contact to turn my attention back to the ruckus in the kitchen, as well as the woman causing it. "Like anyone's gonna stop her," I mutter under my breath, not caring if Videl hears it or not. "I'd rather have her do it now instead of later in front of everyone at the party."

"I guess you're right," she states softly. I can hear her shifting her weight from one foot to the other as though she's not sure what to do now. I don't blame her; but I can't do anything about that at the moment.

Unfortunately, I _do_ have to attend to my raging mate _right now_ before Bulma loses it and I'm forced to listen to two screeching women in one night. Even my agreeable nature has its limits, and considering how badly its been tested already today, that would be the straw that breaks the camel's back. "You should go join the party," I tell her, turning and flashing my classic clueless grin. "It's not that big a deal." I straighten myself out and make sure my jacket's buttoned the way it's supposed to be, but Videl's hand on my arm stops me cold. When I glance over, she's staring me down... or up, I guess, since she's shorter than me. Either way, it's the last thing I expected, and I gasp softly.

"Bullshit."

"Pardon me?" Damn, she's definitely got guts. After what happened between us and despite her own discomfort, she's willing to stand her ground and bust my ass.

Videl takes a deep breath and swallows visibly. "You heard me. You may be able to act like it's nothing to everyone else... but..." She swallows again as her jaw clenches. "But I know better, and we need to talk about that."

She's got a point, and I drop the carefree mask for a much more serious expression that better suits my current state of mind. "Yeah, we do, but now's not the time or the place."

She actually seems to relax a little once I drop the stupid smile. "I know. Just- just promise me that we'll act normal tonight, okay? I can't afford for Gohan to-"

"Neither can I," I remind her gently, and she nods that she understands. Of course she does. She's a smart woman. I take a deep breath and regard her meaningfully for a moment, raising an eyebrow marginally when she shifts and hugs herself tightly, looking away. "Listen, I have no idea how to handle this either, okay?" Thank God, she looked back up. I want her to see that she's not the only one who's unsure of how to act. "But right now, we're being anything but normal," I point out and I'm relieved when her comprehension of what I'm trying to say becomes evident.

"Damn, you're right." She closes her eyes for a moment and seems to calm herself before reopening them and leveling them on me, this time much more evenly than before. "Sorry, Goku-san."

"God, don't say that," I moan as my conscience begins pounding away at me. "You don't have anything to-"

Both of us jump as Chichi's voice hits a new, higher pitch, effectively interrupting us even in the hallway.

"Damn it, where is he? I swear, I can't trust Goku to do anything!"

"I told you, Chichi," Bulma's voice filters through. "He was here, talking to Goten as a matter of fact."

I hear an indignant huff. "Well, if he insists on fighting with Vegeta tonight, he better not ruin his suit. It's the only good one he has, and I'm not going to spend all day tomorrow cleaning God-knows-what off of it." A pause. "He did wear his suit, didn't he? If he didn't, I swear I'll-"

"Yes, he wore a suit. And don't worry, we've got plenty of training gear in the capsule that he can use," Bulma replies. "I wouldn't want him to ruin that outfit, either. I really like that gray jacket he's wearing tonight. It looks fabulous on him!"

"What are you talking about? He's not wearing his beige suit?" Chichi asks heatedly.

I hiss sharply through my teeth and run my hand over my face roughly while my mind spews off more curse words than I care to voice at one time. Instead, I settle for something simple. "Aw man..."

"Uh... no, he's wearing a really nice dark gray blazer and black slacks," Bulma answers timidly in the kitchen.

"Ugh! I've told him over and over that you don't wear a jacket and pants that are different colors! I should have known I couldn't trust him to dress in something proper."

"What is she talking about, Goku-san?"

I turn to Videl and notice that she's very close and craning her neck to hear better. "It's nothing. I'm going in there, but we'll talk later. I promise." I check myself over one last time and take a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

I manage one step before Videl speaks... _loud_.

"Hey, Goku-san!" she damn near bellows.

I spin around and motion wildly for her to be quiet, but she completely ignores me. What is she doing? God, I know I fucked up, but do I really deserve this? When she takes me by the arm and leads me into the kitchen, a sugary smile plastered on her lips, all I can do is pray I come out of here alive.

I'm losing hope when I see the strange mix of mortification and pure fury radiating off of my wife in waves as she glowers at me. I didn't even know her pale skin could get so red... but at least she also seems to be speechless.

Bulma looks like she's about to freak out. "S- Son-kun?"

"I noticed him wandering around looking for you," Videl lies smoothly as she lets me go and stands next to Chichi, "though I almost didn't recognize him in that suit. Where'd you buy it? I'd really like to get Gohan one."

It takes all my years of trained self-control not to let out a huge sigh of relief. Damn, Chi looks more confused than I was a second ago!

"Really?" my wife asks as she turns to Videl.

"Oh yeah! This is a popular style in the city, but I didn't know Goku-san owned anything like that. He looks so refined!"

This is almost too much, and I can't help but grin like an idiot now.

Chichi blinks twice before breaking into a self-important smile as she steps towards me and looks me over. Instinct forces me back a step before I can make myself stay put. "Well, of course he does! You didn't think I'd let him keep walking around in that old-fashioned brown thing, did you?"

Do I care that she's taking credit for this? Hell no! In fact, I can't believe how lucky I am! And then it hits me-

Despite... everything, Videl just rescued me from my wife. I'll be damned...

Maybe this is a good omen.

Maybe there's a chance we can get past what happened between us and come to a resolution we can both live with so things can get back to some version of normalcy.

Maybe tonight won't be so bad, after all.

I realize I spoke way too soon about the last one when Chi's normal scowl resurfaces; she grabs the front of my shirt and yanks me down until I'm eye-level with her. "Now, why aren't you wearing a tie? You look half-dressed without it! Do I have to do _everything_ for you? Just because you were raised in the wild doesn't mean-"

I feel his ki before he actually appears, and all I can do is thank every god I know for his impeccable timing.

"Woman, I suggest you get out there. I have better things to do than entertain your employees."

Bulma is beaming at Vegeta as he strides in. "Oh, everybody's here?" When he nods, she waves her arms wide. "Well, c'mon you guys! Let's show these people how to party!"

Then she's ushering everyone out of the kitchen, though Vegeta seems to be hanging back as he glares at me. I wait as well so that we are the last two out.

"You saved my ass," I state just above a whisper as we follow a few steps behind the rest of the group.

"Fool, I was damned tired of hearing your mate's incessant shrieking."

I chuckle lightly, both at the fact that I had to be saved, not once, but _twice_ in _one night,_ as well as Vegeta's pride-induced explanation for his assistance. He'll never admit that he was trying to help me out. That's okay, though. He doesn't have to. "Whatever the reason, thanks. I owe ya one."

He throws me a sidelong glance. "Hn."

I'm relieved that dinner went off without a hitch. Our crew was seated at three different tables away from the larger, corporate group, just like I thought we would be. I talked to the guys about the old days while Videl chit-chatted with Bulma and Chichi about... well, whatever women talk about, I guess. The kids - okay, so they're not kids anymore - all hung out, and they're the ones who are now surrounding the stereo system.

Bulma seems to notice me watching them curiously as Bra produces a large leather-bound binder thing and begins pulling out compact discs, nodding every so often when one of the others points to one in particular. "Bra insisted that she handle the music," she explained with a chuckle. "She thinks we're too _old_ to pick anything good to dance to, and she's apparently got her eye on one of my newer recruits. I guess she wants to look cool in front of him."

I pass her an amused look. Thanks to my granddaughter and her affinity for blaring her radio when she's outside training, I've become pretty well-versed in the popular music the younger generation listens to these days, though the thought of the pulsing bass and electronic tones - they remind me of one of Bulma's inventions - that makes up most of the stuff Pan likes to listen to coming through those humongous speakers is a little distressing. Still, the idea of the feisty blue-haired princess playing DJ for a gathering of Bulma's employees is just too entertaining to be overshadowed by something like the possibility of going completely deaf. It should be interesting to see what kind of music Vegeta is subjected to from his head-strong teenage daughter.

I won't be in here much longer anyway. At any moment, Vegeta will get up and walk out - my cue to follow so we can train while everyone else dances the night away.

Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, it seems youngest royal has other ideas as she loads a filled cartridge into the machine, calls to someone to dim the lights, then turns and strides over to our table, the patented hand-on-her-hip stance of Bulma with a determined look in her narrowed blue eyes that is pure Vegeta.

Believe me, it's one hell of a combination.

She comes to a stop and crosses her arms, glaring at each of us. "So, who's gonna dance first?"

Nervous glances and furtive shuffles answer her, but, like her father, Bra is far from discouraged by the lack of enthusiasm. Instead, she smiles. "Papa, dance with Mama."

Vegeta's eyes widen considerably before he can replace the shocked look with his normal scowl. "N-what?"

"You heard me, Papa," the girl states impatiently. "Both of you can dance, so get up and do it."

"But-" Vegeta looks at me like it's my fault. Probably because I'm laughing.

"Papa..."

Bulma sighs in defeat and gets up, much to Vegeta's apparent mortification, which makes me chuckle even more. It's cut short, however, when I feel her grab my arm. "Come on, Son-kun. I'm going out there, and so are you."

"Who? Me?" She knows Chi hates to dance in front of strangers! What is she thinking?

Bulma smirks at me. "Yes, you. We both know you can hold your own out there, and since Vegeta obviously doesn't want to dance..."

Ah, now I get it! "Alright," I reply, pushing my hair back so I can stand up.

Bra blinks. Twice. "Goku-san... you know how to dance?"

"Well, I don't know if I can keep up with you guys," I reply and cock my head towards our children that are dancing to an upbeat tune in front of the stereo.

Bulma rolls her eyes before leaning towards her stunned daughter. "And as usual, he's being modest. Son-kun dances almost as good as he fights."

"No shit..." Then the lovely youngster's whole face lights up as she turns to me. "Awesome! Then you and Mama can kick things off with us."

I knew that idea wasn't gonna go over well even before Vegeta growled warningly and stood up, grabbing Bulma around the waist possessively. "Like hell he will! I'll be damned if I let Kakarotto manhandle my mate. If your mother is with anyone, it will be with me."

Unfazed, Bra shrugs. "Okay, Goku-san and Chichi-san, then..."

Normally I would have immediately dismissed the idea, but it's been a long time since I've danced with my wife, and she was once quite a dancer herself. Why not? Never hurts to ask, I suppose. I ignore her startled expression and offer a genuinely pleading smile. "So, how 'bout it, hun? You wanna show these kids how it's done?"

Bulma grins slyly. "Yeah, Chichi! C'mon, it'll be fun!"

"There's no way I'm going out there and making a fool of myself in front of all these important people," she declares angrily, her nose pointing to the sky. All the while, her eyes are pinned on me with that and-if-you're-smart-you-won't-either look in them.

Ah well, it was worth a shot, I guess, though I've got to admit that I'm kinda disappointed. I don't know why I even bothered. Sometimes I really am an idiot.

I open my mouth, but before I can say anything, Bra grabs my arm and starts dragging me away with a strength that betrays her Saiyajin heritage. "I'll dance with him, then," she states matter-of-factly like she's daring someone to argue... including me.

I'll bet Vegeta is just loving this... Yeah, right. Dancing with his pride and joy is just the motivation he needs to summon up enough strength to finally come through on his threats to kill me.

A vein bulges from Vegeta's forehead and his whole body goes rigid. "You will not-" he snarls, but stops abruptly as she turns her fiery gaze on him. Truth be told, though, I can't say I blame him.

"Papa, it's just dancing. Chill out!"

Next thing I know, I'm on the floor with Bra and moving to the beat of a song that's vaguely familiar. The group already there looks mildly surprised, but after a moment, we're all swaying to the beat and having fun. No one is really dancing with anyone in particular, which makes it more like controlled chaos, but it sets a really carefree mood, which is even better.

Damn... I'm actually having a great time with these kids. No wonder everyone thinks I'm immature, but I honestly don't care right now. This is just what I needed! I'm having a blast, and I notice that, slowly but surely, more and more people are joining in.

I'm not sure how long I've been going at it , but there's a crowd of people to weave through when I finally take my leave and head back to my table. I feel a slight blush spread across my cheeks at the sounds of clapping and whistling from all my family and friends. Well, everyone except Chichi. She looks pretty ticked off, actually.

Oh well, it's not my fault she won't let herself kick back and have a good time. Besides, I think I've had enough fun for both of us, and I grin from ear to ear and ignore her indignant snort as I plop down heavily into my seat.

Gohan shakes his head at me and smirks. "I swear, Dad..."

Oh, come on! Not you, too. "What?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"You're such a kid, sometimes," he answers with a patient chuckle.

I shrug and take a big gulp of my... Woah! What the hell is this stuff? I eye the burgundy liquid in the glass warily for a moment before it dawns on me. Oh yeah, that's right. I asked for a bourbon and coke just before Bra came up. I take one more large swallow, draining the glass and motioning to one of the passing servers for another before I speak. "What d'ya mean? I was just dancing..."

My eldest son's brow furrows, though he's still grinning at me. "Well, you gotta admit that most people wouldn't have been willing to make a spectacle of themselves with a group of people half their age," he states nonchalantly.

"What does age have to do with anything?" I ask, hoping I was able to pull off the I'm-too-dumb-to-understand-on-my-own innocence everyone expects from me rather than the what-the-fuck-is-that-supposed-to-mean irritation I'm actually feeling at this moment. I'm not sure what bugs me more - that I'm a grown man who's having to justify my behavior to Gohan as though I was _his_ son, or the fact that he sounds just like his mother... again.

"Nevermind," Gohan replies with a wave of his hand. "It's no big deal, Dad. It's just kinda unusual is all."

"Ah." A fresh drink is placed in front of me just in the nick of time. Rather than continuing the pointless argument, I drain my second drink in one shot instead, earning me an even deeper scowl from my wife.

Funny, but I really don't care at this point. As a matter of fact, I think I'm gonna go dance some more.

"Get back out here, Son-kun!" Bulma commands as she comes to the table, Vegeta in tow.

Seems we're on the same wavelength tonight. I nod as I get up again and take off my jacket, draping it carefully over the back of the chair. I may not be overly concerned with the fact that Chichi's mad at me, but that doesn't mean I want to add fuel to the fire. I _do_ have to live with her, after all. Once I'm sure it won't fall to the floor anytime soon, I give my lifelong friend a broad grin and rub my hands together eagerly. "Alright, let's do it."

"Wait!" she states and holds a hand to my chest. "Vegeta got Bra to pick out a song we can _really_ dance to , but you're definitely gonna need a partner for this one."

Figures. "Oh... uh... well, Chichi's already said she doesn't wanna dance, so-"

"So what?" Bulma asks, cutting me off before throwing a sly wink. "After seeing those moves you showed off earlier, I'm sure you won't have _any_ problem finding a lady who'd wanna dance with you."

I know what she's trying to do, but unlike Vegeta, those tactics don't work on Chichi. Besides, I don't really wanna be out there with a stranger while my wife watches from the sidelines. That just doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Not like any of that matters, anyway.

"My Goku is not going out there with some strange hussy!" Chichi declares angrily.

Bulma cocks her head to the side and shrugs. "Then why don't you do it? When was the last time you kicked your feet up, huh?"

"Forget it! Goku can make a fool of himself if he wants to, but there's no way I'm going to encourage him."

"You know, it's really no big deal," I interject as I bodily get between the two and wave my hands in front of me, chuckling nervously. "I'll just sit this one out. You guys have at it."

Vegeta smirks. "I believe Kakarotto is afraid of being humiliated by us, woman. It is good to see that he is finally willing to concede when his prince's skills exceed his own."

I mentally laugh at his challenge. Why you arrogant little... "Yeah, whatever you say, Vegeta." Bulma looks really disappointed, too. Man, this sucks... Then an idea hits me, and I turn to Gohan. "Hey, why don't you and Videl go instead?"

Videl bites her bottom lip and turns to her husband, giving him a hopeful gaze that makes my breath catch in my throat. "It sounds like fun, don't you think?"

God, I know just how she feels. C'mon, son...

"Nah," he replies nonchalantly. "I'd fall on my face if I go out there and try to dance."

Videl looks back down to her hands that are folded on the table. "Oh... okay."

Shit, I never should have opened my big mouth. Now Videl looks really disappointed, and it's all I can do not to go over there and knock some sense into that boy.

Bulma, on the other hand, looks elated as she turns to me once again. "Fine, then you can dance with her."

Videl's head snaps up just as mine snaps back.

"What?" we ask in unison and immediately cast an anxious glance at one another.

Bulma giggles, shrugging her thin shoulders. "Why not? I know you want to, and Videl wants to... so what's the big deal? C'mon, you two!"

Now I've got a _real_ problem. Bulma knows me well enough to know that, under normal circumstances, I'd have absolutely no reservations about dancing with my daughter-in-law. Therefore, any excuse I try to make to get out of this is gonna send her bullshit radar on red alert. Hopefully Videl can come up with something, 'cause if not... oh boy.

"I'm sorry, but I wouldn't feel right about going out there without Gohan," she explains quickly.

Perfect! I knew she'd come up with something, and she didn't even have to lie to do it.

"Go ahead," Gohan responds with a smile. "I know how much you love to dance, and I don't wanna stop you just because I'm not up for it."

All those brains, and not an ounce of fucking sense. Can't you see how edgy she is? Damn it, Gohan, what the hell is wrong with you?

Videl looks between Gohan, Bulma and me several times before her eyes settle back on Gohan. "I dunno, Gohan..."

"Really, you should," Gohan argues mildly. "Put all those years of dance classes to work and show 'em what ya got. I'll be cheering you on from here."

"Oh... okay."

"Great!" Bulma cries out, looking towards the dance floor. "This song's about to end, so let's get out there before ours starts!"

Shit, is it just me, or did it just get really hot in here all the sudden? Videl gets up slowly and puts her small purse in her chair while I roll my long-sleeved shirt up just above my elbows and unbutton the first two buttons so my burning neck can get some air. Yeah, that's a little better. When I bring my attention back to Videl, I notice her smoothing her hands over the sleek black dress she's wearing, all the way from the top where the thin straps snake over her shoulders down to the slit that opens to the middle of her thigh as she shifts her weight. Then she runs her hand through her hair that, for once, is hanging loosely down her back and framing her elegant features.

Okay, maybe not.

Videl has stepped around and stops in front of me, and I offer her a small, apologetic smile as she hooks her arm around mine. I can tell she knows, too, that if we stall any longer, Bulma's gonna start asking why, so we make our way to the floor. Then the music for this new song starts, and we both stiffen for a moment.

Oh God... I know this one. It's one of Pan's favorites, and one of the few that doesn't make my ears ring too bad when she blasts it... Obviously Videl recognizes it, too. No wonder Vegeta picked it; it suits him and Bulma perfectly. Suits Videl, too, actually.

"Look, we don't have to do this." I whisper just loud enough for her to hear.

She takes a deep breath and nods once. "I know, but," she adds, pursing her lips slightly, "we're supposed to act natural, right?"

"That was before we found out we'd be in this situation," I reply seriously. "Besides, if we're stiff as boards, someone's gonna wonder what's up."

We stop, and Videl turns and faces me outright, and her eyes seem to search mine for a moment. Then one hand lifts to rest on my shoulder while the other takes my right hand and a small smirk forms on her lips. "Then I suggest you try to keep up, old man."

For some reason, that one little jab is enough to wipe all my tension away, and I grin broadly and place my free hand at the middle of her back. "Old man, eh? We'll see about that. You just make sure you follow my lead."

Both Vegeta and I simultaneously guide our respective partners through the first steps as if cued by a signal only known to the two of us. Some things never change, I suppose, and he smirks at me before turning his full attention onto his mate. I mirror his action a second later as the smooth voice fills the room.

_Tonight we dance  
I lay my life in your hands  
We take the floor  
Nothing is forbidden anymore_

So far, so good. I'm not surprised that Videl's a great dancer, and is following my actions perfectly...

_Don`t let the world in outside  
Don`t let a moment go by  
Nothing can stop us tonight _

Alright, Videl, let's see what ya got. I tighten my grip on her hand slightly to let her know things are about to kick into high gear, and she squeezes back and gives me a sly grin in acknowledgment before loosening her fingers around mine to prepare for a spin. Heh, she read my mind...

_Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio  
Bailamos, wanna live this night forever  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio, te quiero _

Oh God...

Sure, the twists and dips went off without a hitch, but when I pull her back and she slides her body against mine, it's all I can do to keep my knees from buckling under me. My breath catches in my throat as she repositions herself as the tempo slows down again. I was okay when her hand was on my shoulder, but now those thin fingers have moved to the nape of my neck, her thumb just behind my earlobe.

I have to admit, it's kinda comforting to know I'm not the only one that's being affected as the soft sounds of her shuddering breaths reaches my ears as well as the feel of the erratic rise and fall of her chest against me. And the look in those gorgeous blue eyes...

T_onight I`m yours  
We can make it happen, I`m so sure  
Now I`m letting go  
There is something I think you should know _

My stomach muscles clench almost painfully with every soft sway of her body. Despite that, I catch myself holding onto her even tighter than before, my hand at the base of her spine, increasing our physical contact automatically even as her other hand finds its way around my neck, leaving mine free to circle around her waist to rest just above the other one.

_I won`t be leaving your side  
We`re gonna dance through the night  
I wanna reach for the stars _

Thankfully the beat's speeding up again, so there'll be some space between us... at least for a second or two. Like that makes a damn bit of difference when she takes a step back and both of her palms slide down along the lines of my neck and down my chest; I'm responding almost unconsciously as my hands slide to her hips and begin moving along the seams of her dress before running down the lengths of her arms until our hands join between us and our fingers weave together gently.

_Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio  
Bailamos, wanna live this night forever  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio, te quiero_

I consider myself a pretty decent dancer, but I've got nothing on the exquisite creature in my arms. Videl seems to have completely relaxed and let herself fall under the spell of the rhythm, and - good God! - she was great before, but now, she is simply... _amazing_. Her movements, her timing... everything is perfect. It reminds me so much of the first time I saw her fight. She still has this incredible combination of fluid agility and cat-like grace that makes every move damn near hypnotic, and when you combine her physical ability with that quiet inner fire that fuels her spirit, it's absolutely breathtaking.

_Tonight we dance  
Like no tomorrow  
If you will stay with me  
Te quiero mi amor _

I can scarcely remember where I am or who may be watching at this point. The only thing I can focus on is the lithe woman in my grasp and the sultry notes surrounding us as they crescendo to a grand finale. The air around us is thick and it's hot as hell, but neither of us seems to care. All that matters is that we're completely in synch, each of my actions flawlessly complemented by her reactions. God, the only time I get the chance to experience this kind of excitement and unhindered freedom these days is... well...

Never, actually.

I think sparring's the only thing that comes even close, but fighting involves the need to think. What Videl and I are doing doesn't require any consideration whatsoever on my part. I'm simply doing whatever feels natural, and her ability to follow my lead as though she knows what I'm gonna do before I actually do it is uncanny... and considering the rather seductive nature of the dance, an unbelievable turn-on as well.

It's probably good that I'm not letting myself dwell too much on what's happening anyway. I feel great for the first time in a _long_ time, and it would be a damned shame to ruin it now.

_Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio  
Bailamos, wanna live this night forever  
Bailamos, te quiero amor mio, te quiero _

I spin her for a final time before pulling her back, and her entire body comes to rest against mine, her arms both raising to circle around just above my shoulders while my hands rest at her hips; to end it properly, so to speak, I give her a devilish smile before bracing her behind her back with one hand and leaning towards her. One of her hands moves to lay on my shoulder while the other runs a trail down my throat and stops at my collarbone as she bends herself backwards, her relaxed hold showing complete faith that I won't let her fall.

If she knew what she was doing to me in this position, with her legs straddling my thigh and her swan-like neck bared so invitingly, she may not have been so trusting in my ability to keep my balance while holding her.

Still, despite the fact that I feel a little light-headed all of the sudden, I manage to keep myself together long enough to coax her back up slowly until our noses are millimeters apart and our gazes are locked securely just as the song fades out. We both take several deep, unsteady breaths, though neither of us makes any move to pull away... until the clapping starts. That seems to do the trick, and I look up - shocked as hell, I might add - to find that all the people who had been on the floor when we started have, at some point, moved to the sides to create a large circle around us, leaving the floor totally empty save for our two couples. Videl pulls away quickly and blushes scarlet while I put on my normal hand-behind-my-head stance and chuckle nervously.

"Mama! Grandpa!" Pan calls, rushing over to us, an excited expression on her face. "You two looked so _cool_! I didn't know you could dance like that!"

Bra is quick to follow. "Wow, Goku-san... if I had known you could move like that, I'd have gotten a dance from you a while ago."

God, that girl is just like her mother. "Yeah, well..." I manage out as the rest of our friends and family surround us. Well, almost everyone, but I didn't expect Chi to be handing me any compliments. To be honest, I don't even know if she saw much at all over the crowd that surrounded us. I can't help stealing a glance at Videl and notice that she's quite obviously embarrassed, but at least she's smiling again as Pan and Bulma both bombard her with compliments of how great she looked. It's about time _someone_ noticed...

I scan the group looking for Gohan and find him making his towards us, and my stomach suddenly flip-flops. I mean, we did kinda let go a bit more than I had planned... Oh God, what if he noticed? How the hell do I explain getting so hot and heavy with his _wife_, of all people? And how do I explain the front of my pants suddenly being filled out a whole lot more than they were five minutes ago?

Shit, I wish I had kept my jacket on. I gotta sit down. _Now_.

I turn to do just that when my gaze lands on Vegeta. As usual, he's backed away from the crowd, but his eyes are firmly set on me with a look that sends chills down my spine. There are very few times that he can do this to me, but right now is definitely one of those times. The way he seems to be studying me with that deeply-etched, discerning scowl... Okay, forget sitting down. I gotta get outta here, and fast, before he decides to corner me and starts asking questions I can't answer whether I wanted to or not.

Hell, I have my own questions to deal with, first and foremost being: what in God's name is _wrong_ with me?

After giving Chichi the excuse that I was going to go to the gravity room to wait for Vegeta and grabbing my jacket, I started walking. I didn't really have a particular destination in mind when I left, though ending up here is probably best anyway. This way, if Chichi tries to hunt me down, she'll find me just where I said I would be. It may not be the best place to be if I wanna avoid Vegeta, but I get the feeling Bulma will be keeping him busy for a little longer, so I should be safe.

God, I can't believe this. Not only have I become a dirty old man that lusts after a woman almost twenty years younger than me who, coincidentally, happens to be my daughter-in-law, but now I'm turning into a coward as well.

I ran.

I ran from Vegeta, and I ran from Gohan. Trying to steer clear of Vegeta bothers me, yes, but not nearly as much as dodging Gohan. At least with Vegeta, it would have been just _him_ grilling _me_, but if Gohan suspects anything, it means I left Videl to handle it all by herself. Damn it, what kind of low-down, selfish man _does_ that? A real bastard, that's what.

I've become that bastard. I didn't even think twice about running out on Videl when I saw Gohan approach. Not even once, and that realization makes me feel physically ill.

Maybe I should go back? I haven't been gone too long, so maybe there's still time to do the right thing. God knows I would never forgive myself if -

The hissing sound of the door opening gets my attention, and I quickly push off of the wall I was leaning on. I know it's not Vegeta, or I would have felt him coming. Same goes for Gohan, or any of the other guys, for that matter, so who is it?

"Goku-san?"

My mouth opens and closes a few times before I manage to make any sound come out. "V-Videl..."

She takes a tentative step through the doorway and peers around the small, circular room for a moment before looking at me. "Um... do you mind if I come in?"

I blink several times. "Huh? Oh, yeah... I mean no... I mean..." Shit, I sound like a fucking idiot! I run a hand roughly over my face a few time to clear my head before trying again. "Sorry... yeah, come on in." Once she's inside, I hit the button to shut the door before facing her. I'm relieved to see that she doesn't look upset or angry, so I assume everything went okay with Gohan. Still, I'll feel a little better hearing it from her. "Where's Gohan?"

"He left a few minutes ago," she replies softly, and I automatically fear the worst until she gives me a pinched smile and continues. "Chichi was ready to leave, so he offered to take her home."

I let out the breath I didn't even know I had been holding until now. "Ah." I shuffle my feet for a moment before working up the nerve to ask the next question. "So, what did he say after I left?"

Videl shakes her head. "He didn't see most of it. He said he didn't want to leave Mom sitting all by herself."

I should have figured. Oh well, it's probably a good thing he did. At least that's one thing I can be grateful for. Still, I owe Videl an apology and an explanation. "I'm sorry I ran off," I offer, bowing my head so I don't have to look her in the eye. "I don't know what the hell got into me. Between Gohan and Vegeta, I guess I just... panicked. I know that's no excuse."

She's quiet for a minute, so I glance up and see her chewing thoughtfully on her bottom lip. Then she sighs softly and makes her way to the bench opposite of where I'm standing and sits down, crossing her legs and resting her folded hands in her lap. "It's okay. I understand." She pauses momentarily, her fingers moving aimlessly. "Besides, I think that makes us even."

Even? What's she talking about?

Then it clicks. _Oh_... I get it now. She's talking about when she ran off, right after our night in the forest. I think she may be ignoring the fact that these situations are a lot different. Hell, I don't blame her one bit for reacting the way she did then. What I did tonight, on the other hand, is inexcusable as far as I'm concerned.

"I've been wondering," she begins slowly, bringing my attention back to her, "what it was that you were going to say when I left that night."

Oh boy, that's a good question. "I don't really know," I admit after a short pause. "I guess, considering what we did, I just felt like I had to say something. Apologize, at least."

She nods once. "So, you regret what happened between us?"

There it is again. The guilt. The guilt for not feeling guilty enough. Damn, I don't wanna lie to her, but I don't think I want her to know that either, so I settle for the middle-ground and hope she is able to discern what I'm trying to say. "I regret betraying the trust of my wife and my son," I begin solemnly, "and I regret the fact that what I did could destroy both our marriages and hurt a lot of people."

"What _we_ did," she interjects firmly. "It's not all your fault that it happened, Goku. No one made me do anything, so you shouldn't try to take all the blame for it."

I'm not sure how to respond to that, so I just give her a resigned shrug instead.

"You didn't actually answer the question, either."

My eyebrows go up. "What do you mean? I said-"

"You told me you regret all of the possible consequences, but you haven't actually said you're sorry that it happened in the first place."

For once, I really wish she wasn't so damned smart.

She watches me for several long moments before she gets up from her seat and closes the distance between us, a thoughtful look etched into her features. When she finally lifts her eyes to meet mine, I see tears forming in the corners, and I swallow the lump that forms in my throat. I remain silent, however, because I can tell she wants to say something, so I suffer patiently through the ongoing, agonizing silence as she collects her thoughts.

"You know, I didn't even realize just how much I'd been missing. I was lonely and hurt, but it's been that way for so long now that I... I guess I had just given up. I've talked to Gohan... tried to make him understand that knowing he loves me and actually _feeling_ it aren't the same, but..." Her voice cracks as the first drop falls from her eyes and runs a thin line down her cheek; she turns her face to the side and wipes it away before continuing. "Then you came, and for the first time in ages, I saw what I had been denied. You did everything - you offered your support, you tried talking to Gohan, you took me to that lovely spot in the forest, and you actually _listened_ to me - everything I've longed for. For the first time in years, I felt desired and beautiful and passionate and carefree and... _alive_."

She swallows audibly, and I can tell she is fighting against a fresh group of tears that threaten to follow the first one. "I've thought about it a lot, and I know that what we did was wrong. When I think about what could happen because of it, I feel horrible, but... God forgive me, I can't make myself regret that it happened."

Holy shit... I have to actually remind myself to breathe after hearing her heartfelt admission. Of all the things I thought she'd say about the unexpected events that night, I simply was not prepared for this. Truth be told, I think I was ready to deal with anything _but_ this...

Yet, I understand exactly what she's saying. That night, when we talked and I saw just how distant Gohan seemed towards her, it stirred up a barrage of emotions that I've tried to ignore for a long time. It was like reliving everything I've dealt with in my own marriage, and her pain cut straight to the place within me that dies a little more every time Chichi pushes me away and makes me doubt if she even loves me at all anymore. Videl's right. The knowledge of being loved is very different from actually experiencing love. That's what we were both desperately trying to find that night. That's why things happened the way they did, as unbelievable as it seemed at the time.

Her gaze drops to the floor suddenly, and I see her shoulders tremble softly as she begins to cry. "I hope that, someday, you can forgive me for this, Goku-san."

What? Forgive her... For what?

Oh no! I realize that she took my silence to mean that I don't approve of what she's told me when she turns and begins to walk away, and before my better judgment has a chance to kick in and stop me, my feet are moving and I'm saying the only thing I can. I tell her the truth. "I'm not sorry that it happened, Videl."

She stops and turns around, regarding me with a questioning look in her glittering sapphire eyes as she makes her way towards me. "You-you're not?"

I take a deep breath as I feel heat rise to my face before steeling my resolve and shaking my head slowly. My throat constricts painfully as a raging storm of emotion threatens to overwhelm my mind even as she stops mere inches away from me. "No," I manage out just above whisper, "though God knows I've tried."

She gives me a sad, yet knowing smile. "So have I."

I sigh softly. All the desire and longing I've held onto so tightly since they were reawakened that night are threatening to swallow me whole once again. Problem is that I'm quickly losing the will to try and stop it, especially when I see those same emotions mirrored so plainly in Videl's shining gaze. I know just one little push, and it'll be all over, yet I don't make any move to avoid what's happening. I simply wait for whatever may come.

"The way I felt when we were together... the way I felt tonight when we danced..." she implores softly, never letting her eyes leave mine. "I want to feel that way again, just one more time."

The dam breaks.

We both know we don't have much time tonight, so rather than answering her with words, I take her into my arms and lift her completely off the floor, pulling her against me roughly. I feel both of her delicate hands fist themselves securely into my hair as our lips clash fiercely. Her mouth opens invitingly, and I nip lightly at her bottom lip before I move my tongue in to meet hers, kissing her deeply as though I can pour forth every ounce of burning passion she's ignited within me into her soul through the joining. She returns it ten-fold, moaning into our fevered kiss and tightening her grip on my hair, making her nails rake along my scalp. The sensation causes me to groan loud enough that the sound creates a dull echo within the small capsule.

That's when it hits me that we need to relocate. If we do this in here, Vegeta will not only find out what's going on, but he'll probably have my ass to boot.

When I lower her to back to her feet and release her lips, she looks up at me with startled, yet pleading eyes. "Goku-"

She thinks I'm changing my mind. "We can't do this here," I explain breathlessly and lean down, cupping her chin and placing a reassuring kiss gently on her now slightly swollen lips. Then I go over to the bench where I laid my jacket down when I first got in here and pick it up, draping it over my arm. "Hold onto me," I say once I get back in front of her, and she quickly complies, wrapping both arms around my waist and burying her face in my chest while I use the arm holding the jacket to go around her shoulder, and I put the other hand up to my forehead. Now... where should we go?

"Can we go back to the clearing you brought me to the first time?"

Truth is that I can't think of a better place myself. I look down at her, nodding. "Yeah, we can." I focus on that particular spot, but the feel of adventurous fingertips unbuttoning my shirt is a major distraction, forcing a moan from me as I feel her palm trail down my abdomen where the last button has just been undone. "I can't get us anywhere if you keep doing that," I growl warningly. Hell, if she does that one more time, then I'm taking her right here, and I'll just deal with the wrath of Vegeta later. Thankfully, she stills and I'm able to get a lock on what I'm looking for and in moments, we're out of the small chamber and surrounded by the familiar sounds of the outdoors at twilight.

It takes half a second for us to regain our bearings, which is exactly how long we wait before our clothes are discarded and tossed haphazardly to the ground. Then our bodies are pressed firmly together once again, her legs wrapped around my waist and her mouth coupled with mine as I carry her to an especially thick patch of grass and lay her down as gently as possible. After a few more minutes of dueling with her velvety tongue, I release her lips so that I can pay my respects to the rest of her flawless, pale skin. I trail feather-soft kisses along her jaw and neck until I reach her collarbone. She whimpers longingly and arches into me as I graze my teeth lightly over the dip in her shoulder. All the while, one of her hands is running down my back slowly while the other is teasing the sensitive skin just behind my ear with her fingernails. Good God, those hands are gonna be the death of me...

I make a trail down until I come to one perfectly-shaped peak, swirling my tongue leisurely around the hard nub before nipping and suckling it hungrily. I'm rewarded with a desperate cry as she squeezes her legs tighter around my waist. Her body is trembling slightly and the normally white skin is flushed to a rosy-peach hue that almost glows, even in the darkness around us. I use the tip of my tongue to run between the valley of her breasts, the salty-sweet taste sending my own aroused state to painful new heights as I finally come to the other nipple, giving it a similar treatment as the other while Videl writhes and gasps beneath me. As soon as I release it, Videl grabs me by my hair and pulls me back up to her, her mouth commandingly claiming mine in another searing kiss that takes my breath from my lungs. I weave one of my hands into her silky raven locks, matching her frantic tempo with my own as her questing fingers slide slowly down my back again.

Suddenly, everything becomes hazy and my entire body goes weak as a wave of mind-blowing pleasure engulfs my senses. Oh God... she found that damned tail spot. Videl seems a little surprised by my reaction, and she watches me thoughtfully as she caresses the scar again. The second time forces a strangled howl from my throat, and I bury my face in the crook of her neck while my free arm cups her firm rear to lift her hips into position.

I don't have the ability to wait and make sure this is really what she wants this time. My rational mind is long gone, replaced by a blazing inferno of raw, instinctive need that demands to be satisfied immediately. I thrust my throbbing manhood into her as deeply as possibly, and she screams my name, clutching tightly to me with both her arms sliding around my neck. I don't wait before drawing back and pushing in again, setting a hard rhythm. Still, she manages to keep up, drawing her hips up to meet mine each time, both of us panting and moaning between short, fiery kisses. Every nerve in my body is charged to almost painful arousal, and still it builds even higher, making me growl and hiss as I clench my teeth and force myself to hold on just a little longer...

I feel her slim form bow up beneath me and her muscles all go rigid, her throaty cry marking her climax. Then, as the walls surrounding my erection tighten, I push myself in one last time before the world goes white and I feel my own barrier shatter, the cataclysmic release stealing every last bit of strength from my limbs. It takes all of my willpower not to collapse on the spot.

Somehow, I manage to roll away and fall heavily to the lush green grass beside her where she quickly curls up beside me and lays her head on my shoulder and drapes one slim arm across my chest. We're both gasping for air and my heartbeat is thundering in my head for several minutes before I'm finally able to begin thinking clearly again.

Damn... I don't want to move. I don't want her to either, actually. Almost without realizing it, I move the arm that had been laying limply under her and wrap it around her waist, pulling her more fully against me while I plant a gentle kiss on her forehead. We lay like that, silently holding one another for as long as we can, which, to my growing dismay, is only a few minutes.

"I guess I should go home," she whispers softly into my neck.

I nod negligibly into her hair, savoring the unique scent of it one last time. "Yeah, me too."

She draws in a ragged breath before getting up and looking for her clothes. I make myself sit up, though rather than getting dressed, I choose to just watch her. She finds everything with relative ease, and within moments, she's dressed and running a hand through her hair to straighten it up. Knowing there's no way I can prolong my return any longer, I get up and find my slacks, slipping them on before gathering everything else I had been wearing in a small bundle under my arm.

Videl brushes her dress off one last time before looking at me, and I return the gaze as evenly as I can, given the sudden need to blink against the increased moisture in them.

"We can never do this again," she states flatly. "And we can never speak of it again."

Oh God... I know, but...

She's right. Deep, deep down, I know she is. This is definitely the best thing, as well as the right thing, to do. "Yeah, I understand."

Her lip quivers, and for one split second, I see indecision cross her features, but as soon as it comes, it's gone, replaced by grim determination. Then her energy flares around her, and she lifts into the air, quickly taking off once she's cleared the treetops.

I stare unseeing at the sky for a while. This afternoon when I was going over everything, I thought _this_ was what I wanted. To put what happened behind us, or at least try to find a way to treat each other normally again. But now...

She made herself very clear, damn it. She said never again... I'll never feel this again.

I can't go home. Not right now, anyway. Instead, I sink back down to the ground and rest my chin on my knees, letting myself get lost in the sights, sounds, and smells of the forest like I've done countless nights before when I've felt especially isolated and alone.

But this time, for the first time, I let myself cry, as well.


	3. Chapter 3

_As always, special thanks to my beta-reader, BluEydMnstr, for putting up with my incessant pestering. _

**Chapter Three: **

**Passion and Practicality **

You know, there's something to be said for that age-old adage 'never say never.'

I made a promise when I married my husband that I would never be unfaithful to him, but - over too many lonely nights and more tears shed than I care to think about - never somehow mutated into thirteen years. Then, after Goku and I slept together that first fateful night, I told myself that I would never cheat on Gohan again, but never turned into less than two weeks.

Of course, when we said our good-byes after our second encounter, Goku and I both agreed that what had happened between us could never, ever happen again. It had to be done, no matter how much it hurt to leave him alone again - and knowing that I would be going back to my own dreaded marital seclusion as well. Still, we both knew it was the right thing to do.

Hell, it was the only reasonable option.

That's what I kept telling myself over and over as I flew home, that a few hours of physical pleasure with Goku wasn't worth risking my marriage or the well-being of my family.

When I landed, I knew as soon as I saw the darkness through the windows that Gohan was already in bed. I wasn't surprised; as a matter of fact, it was what I had been counting on. It gave me a chance to slip in quietly, shower, and put my dress in its bag so I could take it to the cleaners when they opened. I did all three as quickly and covertly as possible, and after removing all evidence of my earlier activities, I decided to lay down on the couch instead of going upstairs since it would only be a few hours before I needed to get up and begin my normal daily routine. I've always found it easier to get up when I'm not snuggled comfortably between the blankets of my bed, plus I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving Goku just to climb into bed with Gohan.

Looking back on it now, I'm not sure which one of them I felt like I would be wronging more by doing that.

I used that short period of time curled up on my sofa in the wee hours of the morning to think about what I would do during my husband's imminent week-long absence. Normally I would have been upset about it, but I was relieved that Gohan didn't invite me to go with him on this particular trip. I was sure that I needed some time to myself; a lot had happened, and I think my brain was struggling to process it all. I figured him working out of town would be the perfect opportunity to do that, and I still think it would have been. There was only one problem.

The man who was at the center of my turmoil just happens to be my next door neighbor.

It's strange, I never considered that one rather significant and blatantly obvious fact when I was painting this little scenario in my head of how I would simply go on with my life as though nothing had ever happened, like I hadn't been changed by this... by him. It was easy... well, not easy, but easier to ignore the feelings and desires Goku had rekindled within me as long as I was shielded by the walls of my own house and surrounded by my husband and daughter. It was how I made it through the rest of the weekend without thinking too often about what I had willfully given up for the sake of my marriage.

Monday proved to be a very different story.

Gohan had left for the airport before sunrise, so after I had seen Pan off to school, I went home with every intention of spending a quiet day alone doing whatever I felt like. It just so happened that I had felt like running through a few katas in my backyard, as I often do in the mornings when I have the house to myself, and especially when I've got a lot to think about.

I had been outside for less than fifteen minutes when Chichi came out, the customary polite smile on her face, and it took every ounce of self-control I had to keep from telling her to leave me alone. She was the last person I wanted to deal with, especially under the circumstances. The truth was that I was still extremely touchy about the way she treated Goku at the party. Still, I knew it wasn't really my place to be upset over such things, so I smiled back and greeted her like I always do, though I didn't stop my exercises, either. I guess I was kind of hoping she would take the hint and leave me alone, but of course, she didn't. I should have known better. By the time she was finished talking, Pan and I were 'invited' - in other words, instructed - to join her and Goku for dinner since Gohan was gone. I didn't even bother trying to decline. Anyone who knows Chichi knows that you can't argue with her, so I agreed and quickly retreated to the safety of my house so that I could begin the long process of mentally preparing myself to see Goku again.

I was nervous, yes, but I wasn't as worried as I should have been. After all, we had managed to get through the party without incident... well, without any major ones, anyway. Not counting the gravity room...

I should have known it wouldn't be so simple.

Now that I'm thinking back on it, the meal itself is a bit of a blur. Probably because I was too busy trying to keep my eyes from straying from my mother-in-law, who can talk more than anyone I've met in my life except perhaps Bulma-san, to her husband sitting across from her... and to my left, just within arm's reach. I do however remember my legs brushing against Goku's every so often...

Needless to say, I didn't hear a damn word Chichi said the entire time.

After dinner, I offered to help with the dishes while Goku took Pan outside to play, and I had hoped that that would be the end of it. All I had to do was make it through a few hours of idle chit-chat with my mother-in-law over a bubbly sink full of pots, pans, and plates, and I could finally go home and pretend everything was still just business as usual.

It was well after sunset when I went outside to get Pan, but since she and Goku were sparring, I decided to sit and watch them for a little while. My daughter doesn't get to fight with people strong enough to handle her very often anymore, and my father can no longer allow her to train in his dojo since she had a tendency to get a little too excited and inevitably cause major property damage. Besides, I enjoy watching my little girl go all-out with her grandfather... she loves and respects him so much, and he's absolutely wonderful with her. Best of all is that Goku really seems to enjoy spending time with Pan, but I think that may be largely because she loves a good fight almost as much as he does.

I have no idea how long I was watching them, but they did finally notice that I was there; Pan immediately ran over and began going on excitedly, asking if I had seen her do this or that and begging to show me the newest trick her grandfather was teaching her: the infamous Kamehameha. Of course, that set off warning bells in my head. I knew all of the Son men could perform the technique, but when Pan had asked Gohan to teach her, he explained that she was too young and wouldn't be able to control it. Thinking back on that, I realized why Pan had let the request go so easily that day, considering my daughter rarely ever backs down on anything... she knew if her father wouldn't show her, her grandfather would.

The next thing I knew, she was putting her wrists together, both palms open towards the empty field.

"Ka-me-ha..."

I took one step towards her. "Wait, Pan! Don't-"

That was when Goku put a hand on my arm, stopping my protest with a knowing smile. "Just watch," he prompted gently.

I could tell it was more of a request than a command, but it was just as effective since the simple act of him touching me made my mind go blank. Despite what my husband had said and my own nervousness, I simply waited, trusting that Goku could handle it if things got out of hand.

"...me-HAAAAAAAAA!"

It was incredible. Not only was she able to do it, but she even arced it upward so that it wouldn't hit any of the trees in the distance.

"See, Mama? Isn't that so cool?"

"Yeah," I answered honestly. "That was great. You must have worked very hard to be able to do that."

Pan grinned proudly. "Nah, it was easy!" Then she grabbed my arm and began pulling me towards the field. "You try, Mama!"

"Me? Oh no, I don't think-" I began, though it was flattering that she would have such confidence in me, considering that I haven't done any type of serious training in years.

"You could do it, Mama," she argued, turning to Goku. "Couldn't she, Grandpa?"

I was expecting him to explain to her why I wouldn't be able to master a skill like that. After all, Goku is usually rather blunt when it comes to people's abilities, especially when they're related to fighting.

He cocked his head to the side slightly and seemed to study me for a moment before turning back to Pan and nodding once. "Yeah, she could do it easily enough, I think."

Now I know I should have declined on the spot and left when I had the chance, but... well, I guess I'm still too much of a fighter at heart myself, because as soon as he said that, I felt myself getting excited at the prospect. "You really think I could learn to do that?" I asked him, looking for any sign that would mean he hadn't been serious.

I didn't find anything at all except a handsome face smiling back at me. "Sure you could. I mean, you know how to fly, so you already know the basics of controlling ki. All it would really take is some practice at turning that energy into something tangible that you can concentrate into a beam."

Pan looked like she was on cloud nine. "Mama already knows how to form ki in her hands. She's the one that taught me how to do it!"

Goku's eyebrows rose to the ceiling. "She did? I thought Gohan..."

"Nah, Dad was busy working and didn't have time to show me, so Mama did instead."

Normally I would have shrugged it all off, but when his eyes fell back to me, I could feel myself blushing like a schoolgirl, so I averted my gaze away from him in favor of a few blades of grass in front of my feet.

Of course, my daughter had other plans. "Show him, Mama!"

I smiled patiently at my daughter. "Pan, I doubt your grandfather wants to see-"

"I do, actually," he broke in quickly, taking a step towards me before stopping himself and going into his trademark hand-behind-the-head-and grin position. "I... well... if you want to, I mean..." Then he dropped stance and looked at me with those God damned gorgeous onyx eyes...

How was I supposed to say no to that? "Oh... okay."

As soon as I agreed, my stomach went straight into my feet. I'm not one to be unnerved easily, but something about demonstrating it to Goku... I mean, he _is_ said to be the single-most powerful being in the history of the known universe; although I had never gotten to know him very well personally, I'd always respected him greatly as a warrior. Because of that, combined with the fact that I could barely control my ragged breathing, let alone my ki, I was pretty damn sure I was going to end up making a fool out of myself. My luck would be that I would either be too distracted to make anything happen at all, or I would try too hard and overdo it, setting the surrounding forest on fire or some similarly disastrous outcome. Neither prospect particularly appealed to me.

Luckily, Chichi picked that moment to come looking for Goku.

"Goku-san! You've played long enough. Videl was ready to go home," she scolded from the back door, the dreaded frying pan in hand.

Goku's gaze lingered on me for another moment before he turned to his wife and nodded, immediately falling back into his I'm-too-stupid-to-know-better act. "Sorry, Chichi. I guess it is kinda late, huh?" It was amazing how fast my stomach moved from its previous place on the floor to lodge itself in my throat when Goku turned his attention back to me. "I didn't mean to keep you if you wanted to leave," he offered softly... sincerely. It was eerie to hear that tone coming out of his mouth when his facial expression remained so damned goofy.

"Well, Pan has school in the morning," I explained quickly, trying to justify myself to the _real_ Goku as inconspicuously as possible with my daughter standing beside us and my mother-in-law watching him like a hawk. Sure, I knew that I should have been glad to have any excuse to leave considering our agreement, but... I wasn't... and I needed him to know that. I held my breath, hoping that my rather thin excuse coupled with the apology I tried to project through my eyes was enough to get my silent message to him.

Goku didn't acknowledge it at all right then. Instead, he turned to Pan and gave her a hug, promising they would spar again soon before urging her to head home, despite her numerous pleas and protests. Then I realized what he was doing when he glanced back towards his house. Goku had been betting that Chichi would leave once she was sure he wasn't going to defy her by letting his granddaughter stay any longer; it was understandable since I knew for a fact it wouldn't have been the first time Goku buckled at the sight of those puppy-dog pouting eyes and her atypically girlish imploring - "Oh Granpa, just one more time... pleeeeease?" I was proven right once Pan was out of sight and my gaze followed his; I was just in time to see Chichi throw Goku a nod and turn around before the heavy wooden door closed behind her retreating form.

As soon as she was gone, the ridiculous facade he had worn for his wife dropped and was replaced by a more serious expression, his thin lips curved into an almost imperceptible, thoughtful frown and his obsidian eyes burning with the inner fire that I had gotten to know intimately over the past few weeks... an expression that seemed to be reserved just for me.

That single thought stole the precious air from my lungs, and I realized that I needed to leave. _Immediately_. "Well... g-goodnight, Goku-san," I choked out uneasily, turning quickly away from him and walking as fast as my legs would take me to the safety of my own house. To his credit, he didn't try to stop me, but I could feel him watching me... and I thought, for just a split second as I rounded the corner, that I heard the wind carry a soft whisper that sounded like my name.

By the time I made it into my house, my heart was thundering in my chest and I was panting like I had run a marathon. Unfortunately, as I leaned heavily against my front door, my brain started racing as well. I was bombarded with _so much_ longing... all I wanted to do was go straight to the other side of the house, throw open my patio door and call out to Goku. He would have still been there, I was sure, and what would be the harm? We had already been together twice... what was just one more time? Gohan would be gone for the entire week, so there would be no chance he would find out, and I doubted Chichi would notice if Goku snuck away for a little while. My eyes slipped shut as I was bombarded with images of all the things Goku had done that my own husband never had, even before we grew so distant - the warmth of his heated skin pressed deliberately against every possible inch of mine... the feel as every instrument of his mouth devoured me from my forehead to my nose to my lips to my chin and throat... the way he kept his passion-glazed eyes open as he moved within me...

I forced myself to open my eyes again and, with what little willpower I had left, pushed the overly-tempting imagery from my mind. I was shaking so badly I could barely hold my own weight as I pushed off of my perch and made my way into the kitchen, but, as I switched on the fluorescent overhead light, the sight of the dishes from lunch gave me the out I desperately needed.

I started cleaning. And I cleaned. And cleaned.

It was well after two A.M. when I ran out of things to do. I had literally scrubbed, scoured, washed and waxed every square inch of the first floor of my house. Not a speck of dirt or soiled garment had escaped... except the welcome mat. I still had too much energy for my own good, so I grabbed it and went out my back door to brush it off. I was in the process of beating it mercilessly when I felt someone watching me.

"Videl?"

He was right there, not even three feet away from me, and his concern was plainly evident in the deeply-etched lines of his face. I was like a deer caught in the headlights, completely frozen in place as he took a step towards me as all my efforts to push him out of my head went straight to shit.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, taking another step.

After several deep breaths, I managed to make my voice cooperate. "W-what are you doing here?" I asked, wincing slightly when I realized it sounded a lot harsher than I had intended.

"Oh," he began, stopping his advance and dropping his gaze to my feet. "I... uh... I was still up, and I kept seeing the lights go on and off. I just wanted to make sure you were okay?" He shifted from one foot to the other before finally looking at me once again. "So... are you?"

Those blasted eyes had my brain so scattered, I didn't even realize what he was asking me. "Am I what?"

Despite his obvious nervousness, he chuckled softly and took another step. "Are you okay?"

At that point, I was cursing his long legs that had managed in those few movements to close the distance between us to less than a foot... and easily within my arms' reach. Realizing that I hadn't answered, I nodded frantically and took a step back.

It was strange, but he relaxed visibly and took another long stride, putting him within mere inches of me and forcing my head up to look at him. It felt like I was in a trance as he peered down at me, scrutinizing the expression on my face thoroughly and bringing the blood to my already burning cheeks.

"Do you want me to leave?" he questioned, his customary sing-song tenor voice tight and gravelly, his breath lightly brushing against my tingling skin.

By then, we both knew the battle between my conscience and my desire had already been decided, but I wasn't willing to concede defeat. Not yet... But I'll be damned if my throat would make even the slightest sound to deter him.

He began lowering his head, closing that gap as well. "All you have to do is tell me to go," he whispered, sending a shiver down my rapidly-disappearing spine.

The little voice in the back of my head was screaming as his mouth got within an inch of mine. I had promised myself that it would never happen again. I was going to be strong. I was going to do the right thing...

Both of his hands lifted to cup my cheeks, and he hesitated for one last second.

"Videl..."

Yeah, I was strong alright. Strong enough to get on my tip-toes and grab him like he would disappear if I didn't, latching onto his lips like they were the sole giver of life.

I had sworn it would never happen again...

When it was said and done, _never_ lasted two days.

That was five days ago. Gohan comes home tomorrow morning, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. On the one hand, it's good. I can't think of exactly why at the moment, but I know it is. And on the other...

Since that day, I've come to terms with the fact that this will keep happening for as long as we both need something from each other. Goku loves his wife and I love my husband, but we require something more that they aren't willing to give us right now. Because of that, neither Goku or I can find the resolve, or the desire for that matter, to stop what's going on between us, even though we both know that what we're doing is wrong - not to mention absolutely insane. The problem is that, having realized this, I've had to admit something else to myself.

I'm having an affair.

I'm actually having an affair... with Goku... my husband's _father_.

My husband's handsome, powerful, passionate, damn near flawless father.

"This is crazy."

The gentle fingertips that have been running smooth strokes up and down my back stop for a moment before they begin again. "Yeah," Goku agrees softly.

As usual, he laid me on top of his own body after our last bout so that I'm not on the ground, and I groan feebly as I force my exhausted limbs to move so that I can resituate myself and look up at him from my head's resting place on his chest. God, I never knew being worn out could feel so damned good, though... It takes me a little while, but I finally manage to get my arms crossed beneath me and I rest my chin on them. As I do that, he pulls his free arm up to cushion his own head so that his face is angled towards mine.

And for several minutes, we stay just like that, just looking at each other... looking for answers to the how's and why's of this whole unbelievable situation.

"This is going to get really complicated," I state matter-of-factly.

He gives me a tiny, sorrowful smile and brushes a stray strand of hair from my bare shoulder, letting his fingers linger, making lazy circles. "It already is," he replies evenly.

He's got a good point. I sigh faintly and close my eyes. "What are we going to do, Goku?" I ask as I bring my eyes back into focus and regard his pensive visage.

"I'm not sure," he answers after a moment's consideration, then the hand that's been paying my naked body special attention for a while wraps around my waist and coaxes me up until we're nose to nose and he gives mine a gentle kiss. "I just know I don't want this to end yet."

"I don't think we could stop it, anyway," I reply, my earlier musings coming back to my mind. "I just wish..."

He raises an eyebrow and tightens his grip around me comfortingly. "What?"

Even though Goku and I have spent a lot of time together over the past few days, we haven't done much talking. I suppose now's as good a time as any. "I just wish it didn't have to be like this," I admit timidly, hoping he understands what I mean by that. It's not him, after all. God knows I was nearing a breaking point when this all began. If Goku hadn't come along... hadn't shared his own pain with me just as I did with him, I honestly don't know how much longer I would have been able to go on before I went totally nuts.

I let out a relieved breath when he nods. "I know," he assures me gently.

I feel too content to continue with such a somber conversation, so I decide to lighten it up. "So... how does this work, exactly?" I ask, a sly smirk taking over my face. "Do we make up some kind of schedule or something? Is there a secret code lovers use for this kind of thing I should know about?"

My smile broadens as his head falls back and he laughs heartily. "Yeah, I think so. Guess this means I need to get one of those long trench coats and an ugly brown hat, too, eh?"

The mental picture his comment produces is almost too much, and I start giggling with him. You know, I don't even think they make those coats long enough for someone who's almost seven feet tall, not to mention trying to put a hat on with hair like that! Still, I would never want him to try to cover it... I've grown extremely fond of that thick, spiky mane, and I lift my arm up to run my hand through the object of my current contemplation. His chuckling subsides as I work my fingers along the supple locks, replaced by a gratified purr - another thing he does that drives me absolutely wild.

If I don't start talking again, and fast... "I guess we need to pick some kind of password or something," I begin playfully, "to let each other know when we want to meet. Any suggestions?"

I keep stroking his hair as his brow furrows thoughtfully for a moment. All of a sudden, a sly grin forms on his lips. "I-ay ant-way o-tay uck-fay ou-ya enseless-say ight-ray ow-nay," he answers smoothly, without missing a beat despite the strange sounds he's making.

What the hell?

Oh, pig latin! Wow... it's been years since I've heard someone use it, and I laugh candidly that he was able to speak it so fluently while my brain is already working to decode the message.

I... want... to... fuck... you... senseless... right... now...

Cool! Maybe I haven't gotten as old as I thought... I smile proudly for a nanosecond before what he actually said registers in my mind.

_What_?

I gasp sharply. I can imagine it looks like my eyes are about to pop out of my head and my jaw like it's somehow come unhinged from the rest of my face, because he is once again laughing his ass off, though he's holding onto me with both arms now so that I don't fall off of him as his body shakes uncontrollably beneath mine. Hell, I would probably be laughing, too, but God... I mean... I can't believe _Goku_ of all people just said that!

And the smug bastard is enjoying my shock immensely.

When I finally manage to regain control of my mouth and snap it shut, I try to give him my best indignant scowl. By the self-satisfied look on his face, I don't think I'm very convincing though. Probably because I'm not the least bit angry... actually, the idea of the seemingly innocent, sweet, mild-mannered Son Goku saying something like _that_ is - good God! - incredibly sexy. Yet another thing he can do around me, and me alone. Just knowing that in itself is rather satisfying.

I give up trying to look displeased. As a matter of fact, a delicious idea enters my head, and I don't hesitate to act on it. The fact is that, after today, I'm not sure when the next time we'll be able to be together like this will be...

And God knows talking is way overrated.

I grin mischievously and allow the fingertips that have been fondling his hair trail down to trace his lips instead. "And to think... I let you kiss me with that mouth," I tease breathlessly, my voice coming out more like a soft moan, and his lust-filled, black orbs level onto mine hungrily at my sudden change in demeanor.

I shuffle just enough to feel the proof of his arousal rub against my inner thigh. Ha, we'll see who fucks who senseless this time...

He acts like he's about to say something, but I've got other ideas for that amazing mouth of his, and I thrust both of my hands into his hair and pull his lips onto mine. One gentle tug is all it takes for him to drag one of his arms just below my rear so he can pull us both up to where I'm straddled over his lap. Thankfully, I've got him sufficiently occupied, and he doesn't realize that I'm deliberately holding myself up on my knees, keeping my weight off of him. I continue kissing him demandingly, letting my tongue battle mercilessly against his. God... I almost forget what I'm doing as he growls into our joined mouths, but then I feel him lean back so that one arm can hold us up while he gains the leverage he needs to roll us over; his hips lift up slightly in preparation to maneuver us into the desired position without crushing me in the process.

All it takes is a slight shift, and I impale myself onto his rigid length.

His mouth breaks free of mine and he squeezes his already half-lidded eyes shut tightly. He's like a lion as he snarls raucously through clenched teeth, every muscle in his neck and shoulders twitching uncontrollably. If the feel of him filling me again didn't make me cry out with immeasurable pleasure, I'd be the one laughing this time at my little victory. Then those fiery eyes open again, and any thoughts of mirth, or movement for that matter, are completely obliterated under those inky pools of pure passion. All I can do is hold onto him as he peers into my soul, setting me ablaze from the inside out.

I'm in such a daze, it's almost impossible to focus on his breathless plea. Almost.

"Videl... please... please don't stop..."

This is exactly what I wanted... this is what I was trying to do...

The strongest man on the planet is begging... he's actually _begging_...

Because of _me_?

Suddenly, all of my confidence, all of my vigor and determination just... fade away, replaced by total and complete disbelief.

This isn't possible. It's just... it can't be happening... How can Goku want me so much when I can't even make my own husband look at me with more than casual interest?

"Videl?"

I can feel my lip tremble and I shake my head roughly. Something's wrong with this. Yes, Goku and I have had sex a lot over the last week, and I've seen the want... I've seen the desire, but... to hear him actually _say_ it...

Goku sits himself up again and cups my chin, his wide eyes searching mine anxiously, and when I try to look away, his grip tightens just enough so that I have no choice but to stare back. "Videl," he asks, "what's wrong? Is... did I do something-"

"It's not you," I manage to reply through the painfully constricted muscles in my throat.

"Then what is it? What happened?"

Oh God... nothing happened... you didn't do anything... It's not you at all.

It's me.

Several moments of strained silence and intense scrutiny on his part pass, and his expression abruptly changes from near panic to a strange, sad comprehension. Damn it, why do I keep forgetting about his ability to sense people's feelings? I start to push myself away - there's no excuse for my irrational behavior, I know - but his arms grasp me around my waist; he lifts me up so delicately and shifts us around, putting me back in his lap so that I'm cradled securely against his chest and my head is resting in the crook of his neck.

I can't believe I'm acting like this. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't be," he commands softly. "You've been suppressing all the hurt and anger you've felt, and when you do that, it starts to poison your soul... you lose little pieces of yourself until you're nothing but a shell made only for collecting that pain, and you forget that you're not supposed to feel like that because your spirit gets buried so far underneath it. Do that long enough, and it becomes so natural that you actually cling to it even though it's killing you inside because it's become all you know."

How do I respond to that? Is it even possible? God... I barely know the man, and already he's able to open me up and read straight from the battered pages of my heart...

"You don't have to hold it in anymore," he goes on, accompanying the perceptive words with soothing strokes along my back. "If you didn't want the pain to end, you wouldn't be here right now."

He's right. When this started, I was so close to completely losing myself... I don't want to feel like this anymore... It's been so long since I've been at peace with my life... with _me_. And now...

"It's time to let it go, Videl."

I'm not sure when I started crying, but as soon as those whispered words fell from his lips - and my soul, as well - I couldn't have stopped the tears, even if I wanted to. But I don't. Every drop that falls signifies a moment in my life when I've felt isolated... undesired... unwanted... unloved...

God... I'd forgotten just how many of those moments there have been over the years...

I'm sobbing uncontrollably now, struggling to breathe amidst the violent tremors that wrack my body and spirit alike. Goku has pulled my arms around his waist, and I'm holding onto his warm body with every ounce of strength I possess; his embrace has tightened considerably as well.

You know, as much as it hurts to feel these walls come down and the pain I've held back flow so unreservedly like this - not to mention the fact that my throat is sore as hell and I'm sure my eyes are so puffy, they're probably about three-times their normal size by now - I'm already starting to fall under a spell of peaceful... emptiness. It's like, now that the pain is being thrown out, there's all this unoccupied space and nothing there to fill it.

Spring cleaning for the soul.

I let out a laugh that sounds more like choking than chuckling since I'm still weeping against Goku's chest. Figures I would liken such a wondrous, healing revelation to something as unspectacular as housework. That alone proves that one of the first things I need to do after this afternoon's breakthrough is to start getting out more. I've been cutting myself off from the outside world for a while now, and I think it's time I get back out there and breathe some life into my nearly-forgotten adventurous nature. Perhaps I'll even start training again...

For the moment, at least, my sorrow has lessened into a dull ache and my body has stilled so that I'm lying against Goku as he rocks me gently, the soft purr in his chest soothing me like a lullaby. God knows I'm tired, but... "Goku? Can I ask you a question... a personal question?"

"You can ask me anything," he replies curiously, making it sound more like he's posing a question of his own rather than answering mine.

"When you were talking earlier about what it does to you when you try to bottle up your pain, it sounded like you were speaking from experience. Well, that and I've seen the way things are between you and Chichi..."

From his head's perch on top of mine, I feel him nod negligibly. "Yeah..."

"I'm just curious as to how you've dealt with it. For some reason, I don't see you bawling it out like a baby," I hear him chuckle softly, bringing a momentary smile to my own lips. "I guess... I guess what I really want to know is... did you have anyone there for you, or did you have deal with it on your own?"

"No, I haven't been alone."

Thank God... I can't imagine trying to handle all of this by myself, and I'm relieved to know he hasn't had to, either. It makes me feel good enough to take another stab at lightening the mood a little. "So, who did the planet's mightiest warrior go to when he was on the brink of an nervous breakdown?" I ask lightheartedly and lean back so that I can see his face again.

And the look he gives me before he speaks quite literally takes my breath away.

"You."

Oh... my... God...

For a brief instant before his lips come down to brush tenderly against mine, a single, precarious notion passes swiftly through my mind, though it's dismissed with equal speed as I chalk it up to the fact that I've just been on an emotional roller coaster and I'm still not thinking clearly.

If I wasn't already married... if he wasn't... if we didn't have our families and our friends and our obligations... if we had met at any other time and place in our lives, under any other circumstances...

I could easily have fallen in love with this man.

"Papa!"

I've showered... twice, washed all of my clothes... twice, touched up the house, and even had time to go to the market this morning. Knowing I've done everything I can possibly do, I turn from my place at the stove where the I'm putting the finishing touches on dinner as soon as I hear Pan's joyful greeting. Wiping my hands quickly with a dish towel, I take a deep breath and smile - a _real_ smile - before going outside to where I hear the voices of the welcome wagon.

By the time I join the group that consists of Gohan, Pan, Chichi, and Goku, Pan's already got some type of little memento in her hands from her father's trip. "Mama, look what Papa got for me!"

I lean down to inspect the long leather string that holds some type of strange charm at the end.

"It's a dreamcatcher," she explains excitedly. "They're very special, aren't they, Grandpa?"

"Yeah," he answers with a broad grin, and he squats down so that he's eye-level with her as he takes the strange medallion into his hand. "It symbolizes your hopes and dreams so that you never forget them, no matter how old you get."

Gohan laughs good-naturedly and puts his hand on his daughter's shoulder. "Well, I don't know about that," Gohan states, "but I remembered that you wanted one, so I looked until I found the prettiest one they had. Just. like. you," he adds, punctuating the last statement by tweaking Pan's nose playfully.

As I watch him give his daughter another hug, I remember why I'm glad Gohan's home. He's a devoted father, a loyal husband, a dependable provider for his family, and a good and honest man... He's every little girl's dream come true.

What is that saying? Men cannot live by bread alone?

Then my eyes slide over to Goku. He's wise without being cynical, powerful as well as kindhearted, untamed and uninhibited, passionate, undeniably sexy... Every hot-blooded woman's fantasy made flesh.

And at this moment, I have the best of both worlds.

Too bad things this good never last very long.


	4. Chapter 4

_Big hugs to BluEydMnstr for yet another great beta job. _

**Chapter Four:**

**Gaining Perspective **

"Hey, Dad... working hard, eh?"

I sensed his ki heading my way a few minutes ago, so I'm already using my orange gi top to wipe the thick layer of sweat from my face and neck when I hear his semi-sarcastic greeting. I know he means it as a rhetorical question; I was going at it pretty strong a minute ago, and we both know that. One more deep breath, and I turn around and give my oldest son a sheepish grin while I scratch the back of my head. "Yeah, I guess I was. Why?"

"Well," Gohan takes his glasses off and rubs the bridge of his nose - why the hell does he wear those things, anyway? His eyes were fine when he was a kid - before he scans the landscape behind me with a slightly-raised eyebrow, "you usually don't rattle the foundation of the house when you train, Dad."

I chuckle lightly and study his face for that look that tells me he's exaggerating. I'm not seeing it. Crap, I didn't realize I was training quite that hard. "Sorry, Gohan... musta gotten a little carried away," I offer weakly. Yeah, _real_ convincing...

He grins and shrugs it off; he always was quick to forgive and forget my little, stupid oversights. "It didn't bother me," he explains, "though Mom was having a fit about it."

Great. That's just what I needed to hear.

I guess Gohan notices my lack of enthusiasm at the prospect of facing my irate wife. "Don't worry, Dad. When I left, Videl was with her, so by the time we get back, I'm sure she'll be calmed down. You know how Mom is about Videl."

Yes, I do. So does Videl.

"I'll have to thank her for the save," I tell him with a chuckle. It's hollow, though; there's no mirth behind it at all. It's not that the idea of making it up to Videl isn't - good God - extremely inviting, it's the fact that I won't be able to show my gratitude properly for another... three days, when Gohan's vacation is over and he goes back to work.

Damn, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to hold out that long. Maybe it's time I get kicked out of the house again...

I already know I can't do that. Especially since Videl and I haven't been together for over a week. Hell, we haven't even been able to really talk for the last five days because Gohan's been around. If I were to go over there right now...

Why is this so damned hard? There have been periods that I've been away from my wife for years at a time, and I managed just fine. Sure, I missed her, but I was able to deal with that. Yet here I am, one week without Videl, and I'm about to lose it. God, if I could just speak to her for a few minutes, I think I'd be alright. Sometimes that's all we do when we meet nowadays. Just hold each other and talk about whatever's on our minds.

"Earth to Dad."

Shit, I can't afford to space out right now. I blink once and laugh once again. "Sorry, Gohan... what'd you say?"

"I was saying that you seem a little off today," he replies, thin lines of a concerned scowl creasing his brow. "Is there some reason you were training so hard? Some threat I should be worried about?"

I shake my head quickly. "No, it's nothing you need to lose any sleep over, son."

Not as long as Videl still loves you instead of me.

The severe frown disappears from his face, but it's quickly replaced by a gentler, genuinely troubled expression. "Are you sure you're alright? You're not acting like yourself, Dad."

And just when I think I've felt and dealt with all the guilt my conscience could possibly generate about everything that's happened... Of all the people in the world to be worried about me right now, I'd give anything for it not to be my son. God knows I don't deserve his sympathy since it's my feelings for _his_ wife that have got me turned inside-out. Still, I need to answer and set his mind at ease, so I opt to be as honest as possible, given the circumstances. "I'm alright. It's just been a long week."

One of the longest of my life...

"Ah," he acknowledges with a nod accompanied by a knowing smirk.

I know what he's thinking. He's assuming that, because he's been home and we've all been spending a lot of time together, being bossed around by Chichi is starting to wear on me. And he's half right. Normally I keep myself occupied away from the house from mid-morning to dusk, so I'm not used to being around her as much as I have been the last few days. It's pretty obvious that she's not used to it either, cause God knows she's been getting progressively more annoyed with me as well. It's the whole reason I came out here to begin with. Today was one of the few times she's ever told me that I needed to get out and go somewhere else for a little while when she wasn't mad at me. As a matter of fact, considering the way she said it, I think it was supposed to be a reward for not trying to sneak away so I could train rather than participate in the various family activities she'd planned for us.

Not like I would have tried to get away; the numerous meals and outings we've been going on are the only times I've been able to see Videl.

Gods, my son is standing right in front of me, and I _still_ can't stop thinking about his wife...

"You know, if you really want a decent fight, you should go spar with Vegeta-san," Gohan suggests.

Of course! Vegeta and I haven't sparred in over a month; if he can't get my mind focused on something besides Videl, I don't think there's any hope for me. "Yeah, that's a good idea," I agree, and I'm sure my anticipation is evident in comparison to my earlier somber mood. "I think I'll go see if he's up for one right now. Tell your mother I'll be home in a while, but if she wants to reach me, just call, and Bulma will get me the message."

Gohan nods once before flying back towards his house. I watch for another minute before taking to the air myself. I could have found Vegeta's ki and been at his door in seconds, but on days like this, there's just no substitute for the feel of the wind caressing your face. If I close my eyes, I can even pretend the feeling is coming from her fingertips.

Oh God, help me...

Three months ago, when Videl and I both finally gave in to the fact that we needed something from each other we couldn't find anywhere else, I never imagined things would turn out like this. Back then, we both needed companionship... to feel like someone understood us...

And I have to admit, the mind-blowing sex was a definite bonus.

It's weird because, looking back now, I realize that we could have accomplished the same result by just talking to each other. It didn't feel like it at the time, though. Probably because both of our spouses are a bit neglectful in the physical intimacy department. Videl hadn't been shown much tangible affection for weeks, and I hadn't received any in... well... a _very_ long time. But we didn't just need sexual gratification. We needed to feel... It's one of the many things Videl and I have in common - when we do something, we do it all the way; we invest a piece of ourselves in whatever it may be because we're both guided by our emotions.

So when it comes down to it, the sex was just killing two birds with one stone.

Unfortunately, that very philosophy is the reason why I'm in the position I'm in now. And who knows? Even if we hadn't started sleeping together, even if we had only comforted each other with words rather than action, I can't help but wonder if the same thing would have happened anyway. It may have taken longer for these feelings to develop, but I have a suspicion - call it gut instinct - that fate had this card up its sleeve for me either way.

I really hope someone up there is getting a good game outta all this. Oh yeah, I'll bet Kaio-sama's laughing his ass off; he always did have a twisted sense of humor, though God knows if poor Dende's taken a peek and seen what's going on, he's probably having a stroke. Especially since he and Gohan have always been good friends, he'd probably be completely disgusted with me right about now.

Oh well, that would make two of us.

It was never supposed to get so damned complicated.

In a way, I think we both used our devotion to our spouses as justification for what we were doing. I mean, we were both unhappy with the way things were because we felt like something important was missing in each of our relationships, so if we could get that one thing from someone else while maintaining the other areas of our marriages, then everybody would be better for it, right?

Unfortunately for me, that's where our situations are very different.

I know my son may be kinda distant when it comes to physical affection, but I've never doubted that he loves Videl, and I don't think she has, either. Sure, she didn't feel like he desired her, but I doubt she ever truly thought he didn't love her anymore. He just doesn't know how to show it the way Videl needs him to. I, on the other hand, don't have that to fall back on. Not that I think my wife hates me or anything - she does still put up with all my little quirks, but I think she does it because it's her job. Chichi's one of the most loyal women any man could hope for, and I have honestly come to believe that even if she didn't like me at all, she'd still do all the things she does for me now just because we're married, and that's just what married women do.

Videl uses our affair to fill in the gaps of her otherwise good relationship; for me, it's all I really have these days.

I really should just be happy with what I can get. I mean, these last few months have been the best of my life. The first couple of weeks were a little awkward, only because neither Videl or I were sure of what we were doing. It's not like either of us ever intended it to turn out this way. Still, it didn't take long for our planned meetings every so often to become more frequent, probably because that one week while Gohan was out of town totally spoiled us both. And we were doing more than just tearing each other's clothes off on sight - we would walk, we would spar, and we started talking. A lot.

She told me about what it was like for her as a child without her mother around, and I told her about growing up after my adopted guardian, Gohan, died before meeting Bulma. She described what it had meant to be the daughter of Satan-san, and I in turn explained how I felt when I found out that I was a misplaced Saiyajin warrior rather than the abnormally-strong human with a tail I had grown up believing I was. We traded stories about the various tournaments we had participated in - we both found it pretty funny that, while she won every Budakai she ever competed in except the last one, it took me three times before I won my first time. Of course, I quickly grabbed onto the excuse that, back when I was still working the tournament circuit, there wasn't a kid's division. Her response was that she would have won anyway and that she always suspected her father set that up so she wouldn't end up defeating him in his own contest.

I was inclined to agree with her on that one.

Talk of the tournaments inevitably led to talking about Chichi. We had avoided discussing either of our mates at first, but Videl admitted after a while that she had been curious as to what happened between my wife and me to make us... well, like we are now. Especially since our wedding had been described to her like a fairy-tale romance kinda thing.

So I told her the un-Chichi-fied version of events that led to my marriage.

I'll never forget how those clear blue eyes just kept getting wider and wider as I related to her how I'd met Chi when we were both kids, how she got me to promise to marry her without me even realizing what I was saying, and how, years later, she found me and reminded me of our childhood betrothal. When I finished, Videl was gaping at me in complete, undisguised shock.

"So you weren't in love with her when you got married," she had whispered, like she was talking to herself.

I had simply shrugged. "Well, I have a tendency to love everybody," I told her.

"Loving people and being in love with someone are two very different things, Goku." I didn't say anything to that, and after a moment of chewing on her lower lip, she shook her head. "I don't understand. If you barely even knew her when she approached you, why didn't you just say no?"

I thought about how to answer that, but I finally decided to just tell her the truth. "Because I gave her my word."

She stared at me for several minutes, and just as I was about explain that I didn't regret it or anything, she took my face into her hands and pulled me to her, kissing me so deeply that I pretty much forgot what the hell I was gonna say after that.

That was the moment her words hit home to me. I'd loved everyone, but I had never actually been _in love_ with anyone.

Until now.

We've spent pretty much every day together since then. We only have a few hours each time, but it's enough to get me through - God knows Videl can pack a whole lot into that short time together. I haven't told her I love her since, first off, I don't want to scare her away when I know that's not how she feels about me, and secondly, I don't dare say the words considering our situation. I'm not supposed to be in love with her. My job is simply to give her what Gohan won't. And I have no intention of stealing my son's wife from him, so it's best if I keep my own personal feelings to myself. Still, I can't ignore the fact that it has been getting harder and harder to let her go when she has to leave. And this week...

Good gods, this week has been pure hell.

There was a time when I had convinced myself that I'd actually be pleased if Gohan stayed home more. I mean, it's what Videl's been wanting for so long, for him to put his work aside and spend some real time with her and Pan. I've told myself over and over that I'd gladly step aside if Gohan ever came to his senses and realized what he has in Videl because I want them to be happy. Not just Videl, but both of them. God knows I love my oldest son more than my own life; he and I have been through more together than most fathers and sons could ever dream of. I would never want to hurt him intentionally.

Unfortunately, my heart and my brain seem to have a difference of opinion on that point these days.

* * *

"Kakarotto."

Huh? I stop in mid-flight to see Vegeta hovering about ten feet in front of me, arms crossed as always. "Hey, Vegeta," I call out, despite my surprise to see him right now. I guess he felt me heading this way, though he usually waits for me to get to his door before acknowledging my presence.

His customary smirk broadens slightly. "Were you planning to stop, or are you wasting energy for the hell of it?"

I know I look confused, because he gestures with a slight nod to look behind me, and when I do, I see what he's talking about. I passed Capsule Corporation by about a mile. Damn it... Now he's gonna know something's up. "Ah, guess I wasn't paying attention, eh?" I offer with a crooked grin. "But yeah, I wanted to spar if you're up for it."

He raises an eyebrow and huffs impatiently. "Hn, how do you plan to focus on fighting when you cannot even concentrate on where you are going? I have no desire to beat you if you are not at your best, Kakarotto."

His less-than-receptive attitude doesn't bother me. Hell, I'd be worried if he didn't act like that, actually. And he's probably right, but getting my ass kicked is, at the moment, preferable to allowing my mind to keep running rampant. "C'mon, Vegeta," I plead hopefully, "I'm bored outta my skull. Chichi doesn't want me around right now, and you know I can't get Gohan to spar with me anymore."

"I suppose you would be getting restless by now, wouldn't you?"

Oh shit, there's that look again - the one that sends my fight-or-flight instinct into overdrive.

"Um," I begin nervously, falling into my habitual stance of chuckling and rubbing the back of my neck. Before I can continue, he turns and begins making his way back to his house, but not before slowing and turning his head, motioning almost imperceptibly for me to follow.

Good, maybe he's decided he wants to spar after all.

I fly behind him until we touch down on the front lawn, though my anxiety returns when he heads for the front door rather than the large capsule that's taking up half of the yard to the left. "Uh, Vegeta..."

He opens the door that leads to the kitchen, closing it behind me. "I need something to drink. So do you."

Okay, normally his little riddles and subtle comments don't bother me much, but today just isn't the day. "Are we gonna spar or not?"

"No."

"Then what the hell did you bring me here for?" I ask as evenly as I can manage with my quickly-thinning patience.

"Well well, Kakarotto, aren't we acting rather Saiyajin." He throws me an amused glance as he opens the refrigerator and pulls out two beers. Quicker than any human eyes could have followed, he tosses one of the longneck bottles to me. "The woman is bringing out the worst in you."

Figures he'd blame my bad mood on my wife, not that it's not an understandable error. I place my bottle on the counter and run my hand roughly over my face. "Sorry, Vegeta. I guess I am a little short-tempered today, but it doesn't have anything to do with Chichi."

He twists the cap off of his drink as he leans against the counter and regards me with a rather pointed gaze. "I wasn't talking about _your_ mate, Kakarotto."

Oh God... oh gods... anyone at all that can hear me up there... please, please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it does.

I clear my throat and grab my beer. Hell, I might need something stronger in a minute. "What? I don't-"

"Fool, do not act like you have no idea what I am talking about," he commands, cutting off any possible excuse I could give him for my strange behavior. "I know about you and your son's woman."

I shove back my first inclination, which is to totally freak out.

Vegeta knows.

On the bright side, if there's anyone who had to find out about my relationship with Videl, I'd much rather it be Vegeta than anyone else. At least he can keep his mouth shut. The bad thing is that he looked down on me before, so this probably puts me at an all-time low in his eyes. I mean, not only did I defeat him when he was supposed to be the strongest and later take away his only chance at vengeance against the madman that had stolen his dignity and his birthright from him, but now I've been proven to be an honorless, gutless moron as well.

"Sit down, Kakarotto."

Being that I am in absolutely no position to argue with him, I take a deep breath and pull out one of the stools that sits around the kitchen table, seating myself and pulling my legs up so that my feet rest on the thin bars near the floor before putting my head in my hands.

Okay, I'm ready... lemme have it, Vegeta. Call me an idiot, call me a coward... whatever it is, I deserve it. "I can imagine what you must think of me now," I mumble despondently. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do care about what Vegeta thinks of me, since he's the only other person besides Videl that's ever treated me like a grown man rather than a foolish, naive child.

He snorts, bringing my eyes back to him in time to see him cross his arms once again, holding his beer against his bicep. "Do you really think I give a damn who you fuck in your spare time?"

I blink. Twice. It takes another second for it to register in my head that he's not acting as though he cares at all. For some reason, him _not_ being judgmental is worse than if he had berated me to hell and back and, strange as it may be, is actually pissing me off. "But... I don't understand," I admit angrily. "I mean, what I'm doing is wrong, Vegeta!"

He cocks his head to the side slightly. "Is it?"

"Yes! We're both married! Hell, she's married to my _son_, for God's sake!"

"Those ridiculous human rituals mean nothing, Kakarotto," he replies matter-of-factly. "Neither you nor your son are bonded to your mates. If you were, this would not have happened."

Leave it to Vegeta to turn that argument into a Saiyajin thing. "She's almost half my age," I shoot back.

"And if you do not get yourself killed again, you will still far outlive her."

Shit, if I didn't know better... "You're not helping."

"Then perhaps you should shut up and listen rather than going on with your mindless nonsense."

Now I've known Vegeta for a long time, and I can count on one hand the number of times that he's ever initiated a conversation with me. Out of those few instances, only one didn't revolve around fighting, preparing for a fight, or ascending to a new level of Super Saiyajin, and I'm not about to remind him of that single exception, considering he was near death and conveying to me why he wanted me to avenge our entire race when he couldn't do it himself.

This should be interesting, to say the least. And, quite frankly, I'm willing to take _anything_ at this point. I've dealt with all of the how's; now I need to know _why_.

"Why is this happening, Vegeta?"

"Forging a lifelong bond with a mate was not a common thing on Vegeta-sei," he begins, his narrow eyes becoming distant. "Saiyajins were not led by emotions like humans are, they were driven by the need to become stronger. Still, there were those who desired more than just a sexual partner, and when a Saiyajin found the companion they felt best suited them, they performed the necessary steps and bonded with them. It was a complicated process, and the mate a warrior chose was very carefully selected. Due to our extended life spans, if a man was not careful when picking a mate, he could find himself bonded to someone he detested for the rest of his miserable life."

"But we're not on Vegeta-sei," I point out, earning me a condescending glare from the prince.

"Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, you are Saiyajin, Kakarotto. And, regrettably, you allow yourself to be guided heavily by your emotions like a human as well. Therefore, you feel the need for more than just physical gratification from your mate. Because you are not properly bonded to your woman, your Saiyajin instinct has continued looking for a more suitable companion, since it is quite obvious to everyone but you that your hellcat of a wife is not what you desire in a permanent mate."

Alright, so far I can buy all that. I mean, in a way it makes sense, and it does answer some of the questions I've been asking myself. There's one more thing, though, that I don't understand. "Why Videl? If what you're saying is true, and I'm instinctively looking for someone to be with forever, why would I be so drawn to someone I know I have no chance to be with permanently?"

"You wouldn't be."

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but that definitely wasn't it. "So you think that I really believe subconsciously I could have her, even though she's already with Gohan?"

"If your instincts sensed that she truly belonged to another, you would not continue to pursue her," he replies with a shrug.

I really feel like I should argue with him about that, but then I remember who I'm talking to. This is Vegeta, the same Saiyajin prince that came to this planet with every intention of turning it into space dust, only to settle down with my best friend several years later. The seemingly heartless warrior that swore off any type of emotional attachments just to turn around and basically swipe Bulma right out from under Yamcha's nose. Not that it wasn't understandable. Not only was Bulma's relationship with Yamcha rocky, but there's no denying that Vegeta and Bulma do have an awful lot in common.

But then again, so do me and Videl.

Oh God, then that means... I wouldn't really try to do _that_... would I?

I can tell he knows where my train of thought ended up, because Vegeta chuckles at my expression, which I can imagine looks something close to horrified. "You seem to forget that the woman was not happy with that weakling human. I only took what she more than willingly offered. I suspect you would require the same."

Well, that's a relief. It's small comfort, but it is nice to know that I won't suddenly 'go Saiyajin' and claim Videl as a mate... unless _she_ wanted me to.

And I just don't see that happening.

"I appreciate the talk, Vegeta. Thanks." I get up and smile gratefully. It may not have been exactly what I wanted to hear, but at least his little speech did provide me with some insight into what's been going on inside my head the past few months.

"I thought you wanted to spar. That is why you came."

I pause and turn back around to find him pushing off of his perch. "I didn't think you wanted to," I state curiously as I run my hand through my hair.

"I did not wish to fight you when you are not at your best," he replies impatiently. "If you can manage to get your low-class ass in gear and concentrate, then we will spar."

I do feel a lot better, and the thought of getting a decent workout today is definitely appealing. I offer him a broad grin and nod. "I think my low-class ass can handle that."

Unfortunately, my stomach picks that moment to make it known to both of us that, though the spirit is willing, the body is not.

He snorts sarcastically and turns to the refrigerator. "Hn. First we eat. Then we will see."

* * *

I walk out into the cool night air and let it soothe my aching body for a moment as I run the back of my hand across the gash on my swollen bottom lip. God, that was a particularly nasty kick I took, so I'm not surprised when I see the smear of blood on my knuckles. Still, it didn't come without a price, eh, Vegeta?

Feeling pretty sure he's not doing much better than me at the moment, I lift my hand to my forehead and focus on home with every intention of taking a bath and falling... and I mean falling - I barely have enough energy to transport myself home - into bed.

Then, it'll only be two more days. Thank God.

The transmission creates a technicolor tunnel around me, and less than a second later, I'm standing a few feet away from my front porch. And the woman sitting on it.

"Oh God, Goku!"

Okay, either I passed out and I'm dreaming, or this is real, and... "Videl?"

She doesn't answer me. Instead, she takes me by the arm and pulls me into my house until we're in my living room where she quickly pushes me onto the couch. I blink several times - what the hell's going on? Where is everybody? - as she kneels down in front of me and runs a finger over my lip, making me wince involuntarily.

"What happened to you? You look like you got hit by a train."

"I-I was sparring with Vegeta," I answer, still dazed by both my low energy level and the fact that the woman that's been haunting my thoughts all week is now hunched down right in front of me.

She rolls her eyes before flashing me that beautiful smile. "Figures. A train probably wouldn't do this much damage anyway." Then she gets up, looking around. "Do you have any senzu beans?" When I nod and move to get up, she quickly puts her hand on my chest, pushing me back. "Just tell me where, and I'll get it."

A few minutes later, I'm feeling good as new and completely confused. Once the senzu kicked in, I did a scan and found Chichi and Pan both at Videl's house, but Gohan's nowhere near here. "Where is everyone?"

"Chichi took Pan home and put her to bed after Gohan left," she says softly. "I told her I'd stay and clean up."

Okay, I can't afford to get my hopes up. Not yet. Still, my heart starts racing, and it takes every ounce of self-control I can muster to make my voice come out the way it's supposed to. "Where's Gohan?"

"The big project he'd been working on fell through," she begins, taking the only step between us, "so he had to leave."

Oh God... "W-when will he be back?"

"Tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

_Big hugs to my partner in crime, BluEydMnstr for beta-ing. _

**Chapter Five:**

**Doorway to the Inevitable **

Oh God...

The combination of the feel of his body so close to mine and the look in his eyes as he stares down at me - hopeful, yet... frightened? - is almost too much to bear, and I have to actually remind myself that I need to take a breath.

Goku's been acting so normal this week, that damned facade so firmly in place, I wasn't sure if he was okay... if he had missed being with me at all. But now, as his eyes anxiously search mine, I can see the proof of what these past few days have been doing to him - and it breaks my heart even as it makes it soar.

He's longed for me. Desperately.

Just like I have for him.

His lips move soundlessly for another moment before he manages a breathless whisper that feels like heaven against my skin. "Gohan is gone... until tomorrow?"

I bite my lip shyly and give him a slow, subtle nod so I don't have to break our gaze. I would say something... I know I should, but I can't seem to find any words to describe how hard it's been waiting for this moment that wouldn't be more than a mockery of the range of emotions I'm feeling.

I never would have imagined it would be so hard to be away from him for only a few days.

There have been plenty of times during my marriage when I would settle for Gohan just physically being home. It didn't matter if he paid me very little attention; it was enough that he was with us and not at the office. As long as his person was present, I could make myself overlook the rest. I have, after all, spent most of my life believing that was okay. From my father to my husband, I had been conditioned to think that, as long as the body is there, you should be satisfied. But in my heart, I've always suspected that was wrong, that there was more to loving and being loved than that.

And in these last few months, Goku has proven that to me.

This week of being around my husband without him actually _being_ there felt so infuriatingly... empty... hollow... meaningless compared to what Goku has given me. God, I've missed this...

No, that's not right. I haven't missed _this_...

I've missed _him_.

He looks like he's trying to decide whether or not this is some kind of fantasy - like this may not really be happening - so I finally manage to draw my lips back slightly. Funny, now that I've started, I almost feel like this smile's going to take over my whole face; it's well worth it when his eyes close and he lets out a long, relieved breath as his own broad grin takes over his features as well.

It never ceases to amaze me that Goku and I, since the very beginning, have always seemed to laugh and cry at the same time and for the same reasons. This time is no exception - when his wide, obsidian eyes focus on me once again, they're glittering like a million stars at midnight as the moisture collects steadily in the corners, and I can't help but wonder what mine look like to him right now as I feel my own tears building.

I thought I would enjoy this week while Gohan was home. It's been a long time since he's had any time off, and... he's still my husband. I wanted to be with him, just like we used to be.

At least, I _thought_ that was what I wanted.

As I continue to study the man that took my broken heart and put it back together - the man that filled in all of the gaps by giving a part of his own soul and spirit to me - I want to believe that I would feel this way for my own husband if he was as attentive and affectionate as he had been before I knew any better.

The truth, however, is that I'm not sure it would be enough anymore.

That feeling increases ten-fold as he leans forward until his forehead is resting lightly against mine. "You know... I... I was kinda worried... you might not want me anymore since Gohan's been around again," he admits tightly, though he tries to use a half-hearted laugh to cover the unmistakable note of sadness I detect in his voice.

Oh, Goku...

That very soft-spoken, yet candid confession is all it takes to send my tears spilling down my cheeks, and I let them fall rather than try to force them back. God knows I'm not used to hiding my emotions these days anyway. Goku's already shown me time and again that when I'm with him, I don't ever have to.

And he thought I wouldn't want him anymore?

Though, in a way, he's right. I don't _want_ him...

I _need_ him.

The desire to reassure him of that snaps the very tenuous thread of self-control that's been keeping me from simply throwing myself at him, and without another thought, I snake my arms between us and wind them around his neck, weaving both hands into those thick, untamed spikes. He takes in one very sharp, deep breath and crushes me against him in a near-bruising embrace; his mouth covers mine hungrily, and every bit of anger and sorrow I've developed over the short time I've been without him just melt away under the uninhibited fire and passion that I've come to depend on so heavily from Goku.

God knows if I could, I would stay just like this - literally wrapped up in both his body and his spirit - but my crying is making it so damned hard to breathe, I have to pull myself away from the ambrosial warmth of his mouth to draw in a shuddering lungful of air. Just as I attempt to wipe at the annoyingly-sticky trails along my cheeks, one of his battle-calloused palms cups my face and his thumb brushes one away as his lips rise to meet the other. Starting at my eyelids, he places feather-light kisses down the wet path until he reaches my chin before he continues his tender travels along my jawline until he reaches the junction of my jaw and neck just below my earlobe.

The sound of his shallow, labored breathing is music to my ears and is harmonizing perfectly with mine, though now I'm panting and whimpering for an entirely new and much more welcomed reason; as he lingers next to my ear for another moment, I already know what he's about to say. No matter how much better he knows the area than I do, when we meet, or what we plan on doing, he always asks me. He said he always leaves it up to me because I'm the one he does this for...

Not this time.

He doesn't know it yet, but this time is for _us,_ and when his voice finally graces my ear, my answer's ready.

"Where-"

"Anywhere."

* * *

She didn't actually say it, but she didn't have to. I saw it in her eyes, and I can feel it now with every fiber of my being as she clutches onto me so fiercely.

Videl still needs me.

As soon as the whispered words left her lips, she turned her head and captured my mouth once again, moaning softly as I wrapped my arms around her body and lifted her up, her strong legs immediately circling my waist tightly. The amount of relief that floods my heart and soul is almost overwhelming, and every agonizing minute I've had to wait is completely drowned out under that single, simple revelation. God knows there were several times during the course of this week as I watched her and Gohan together that I found myself wondering if she was lonely without me, or if my son had finally come to his senses during these past few days and realized what it is that he has... and what he's been missing.

And as much as I wish it weren't true, the fact is that I'm damn glad he apparently didn't.

The need for air overcomes us both, and we simultaneously draw our lips away from each other to take in a shuddering breath. Then those passion-glazed blue eyes lock onto mine, and I push my initial goal of transporting us somewhere safe aside for the moment.

"Goku," she moans softly.

I strengthen my grip around her instinctively at the pleading in her now throaty voice. "Yeah?"

She opens her mouth once... twice... then a third time before she closes her eyes for a moment, hiding the traces of confusion and anxiousness I detected for a brief instant. Then those cerulean orbs regard me again, and I feel her grasp on me tighten as well. "I... Goku, I..."

"Videl, whatever it is-" I begin, for some reason feeling that I need to reassure her that she can tell me anything. If she needs to talk, then God knows I want to listen... to be there for her in whatever way she needs me. But before I can finish telling her that, she cuts me off with a quick shake of her head. Then she leans forward until her lips are pressed lightly against my cheek.

"Please, Goku... just make love to me."

Good God...

Throughout the course of this entire relationship, we've talked at length about love in general, but when it comes to what's going on between the two of us specifically, we've both been very careful to keep that particular word out of it. Whether it's because of the nature of this affair - the fact that we supposedly know that kind of love should only be reserved for the people we're committed to - or if it's because of the actual people around us and our mutual desire not to hurt them, I'm not really sure...

Hell, it's hard to be sure about any of this, I guess.

Still, to hear such a passionate and heartfelt request coming from her... and in those words...

Please, Goku... just make love to me.

In a way, that plea is bittersweet.

On one hand - and perhaps this is only because I let my heart guide me - I think there's something special about making love as opposed to just having sex... the emotional connection is greater, and I'd like to believe that two people have to actually care about one another if they are going to pull off what is basically a physical expression of what is in your heart. She and I both subscribe to that belief, so for her to ask such a thing of me...

On the other hand, though I know she cares about me to some degree - I've seen the briefest flashes of something deeper a few times - I can't allow myself to be encouraged by those rare instances. I mean, in those moments when her eyes hold mine so intensely... with so much feeling, it wouldn't be too hard to simply let myself think that they are projecting silently what she wouldn't feel right admitting openly. It would be easy to believe that, even if she doesn't say it, maybe... just maybe...

Maybe she really does love me after all.

But she doesn't. She never will... and to forget that would be disastrous.

Of course, just because my feelings for her can't be returned doesn't mean I won't give them to her, cause God knows I'd give her anything she asked me for. Years of being married to Chichi in comparison to these last few months with Videl have proven to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that one-way is better than nothing at all.

And it's not like I'm coming out empty-handed or anything...

"Goku?"

"Sorry," I offer quickly along with a wry grin. "I didn't mean to space out on ya."

Even though I've done it more and more often around her and she's gotten kinda used to it, she's still watching my expression closely, studying it as she always has, even before this all began. I can tell she wants to know what caused me to become so preoccupied... especially considering the position we're in at the moment. "What-"

I silence her question by placing a light kiss on her lips. "It's nothing. You just surprised me is all."

Her eyes shift slightly, and her mouth forms a small scowl. Then her legs unwind and she pushes against me, forcing me to let her go so I don't accidentally hurt her. As soon as she has her footing, she takes a single, small step back and regards me with a look that seems to be a mixture of hurt and anger, and my stomach drops anxiously.

"Please don't lie to me, Goku. I know there's more to it than that."

Amazing... she's upset that I'm hiding something from her, and she still keeps her voice soft... she still says _please,_ for God's sake...

I take a deep breath and consider for a split second what I should tell her before choosing to be as honest as I can. "Yeah, but... I think some things are better left unsaid."

Her frown disappears, replaced by a more contemplative and curious expression.

Considering that Videl is very smart _and_ very perceptive, it's best not let those wheels in her head turn too much. It's good enough that she senses I was being honest, and even if I can't tell her how I feel, I'm more than willing to show her. "Besides" - I place my hands on her hips and coax her gently back against me, quickly circling my arms at the small of her back and smiling as she does the same, despite the confusion I see clearly in her eyes - "I like your idea better."

She blinks a few times, making me chuckle. "What idea?"

"Making love to you."

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize something. There've been plenty of times in my life that I've said something and it didn't seem like that big of a deal, but if someone else said the exact same thing, it's like flipping a switch. Suddenly the significance of the words dawn on me because I actually _heard_ it from another person rather than just thinking it to myself.

By the expression on her face, it looks like that's something else we have in common.

* * *

I did say that, didn't I? I didn't really think much about it when I made my plea a few minutes ago, but something about hearing it come from Goku... My previous anger and suspicion vanished, replaced by a longing that threatens to split my heart in two... a soul-searing _need_... Gods, I don't think I've ever wanted anything so much in my life as I want him right now.

I _need_ him. I need to make love to him... for him to make love to me. I need...

Before I have a chance to panic at the perilous direction my thoughts were going, Goku runs his fingertip down my cheek, getting my full attention once again. His features are so gentle... yet I can tell he's a little scared, too. "Is that what you want, Videl? For me to make love to you?"

He said it again. And it sounded even more wonderful this time. The sensation is like the perfect blend of melting-into-a-boneless-puddle and I-simply-can't-imagine-my-life-without-you.

But that's a lot more than just sex, so much more than just passion... No, this feeling is infinitely deeper... stronger...

Oh... oh God...

"Sorry, Videl. I didn't mean to..."

What? I gasp sharply as I gaze up at him in time to see him clench his jaw once before he lets go of me, one hand taking its habitual place behind his head.

Oh no... no Goku, not the mask... please, not that...

"Look, you don't have to do anything-"

Not only do I have to do something... but I need to do it _now_.

Despite the fact that my heart is racing and my mind is spinning beneath the weight of a realization I can't allow myself to acknowledge, I practically jump onto Goku and, thanks to his open-mouthed shock at my quick movement, I cover his mouth with mine with fevered intensity.

Maybe... maybe if I drown myself in his physical perfection, I'll realize that the rest is just an illusion... that I'm just being over-emotional in reaction to not seeing him and to the built-up feelings of emptiness and apathy I've been getting from my husband over the past few days.

His ability to adapt quickly thanks to years of fighting serves him well as he responds within a fraction of a second and he matches my questing lips and tongue with equal passion and persistence.

And now I realize just how badly this plan is going to backfire.

Who am I kidding? No matter how aesthetically flawless Goku is, no matter how skilled a warrior or lover, that's not what I want from him. The fact is that, with today's technology, there is very little a man can do for a woman that she can't do for herself with thirty bucks and a trip to the big girls' toy store.

But this... this is so much greater than that. This uncanny connection that Goku and I share - one that was never supposed to exist, though now it seems almost like it was destined to happen - is what I need the most.

At this moment, I don't care that we're standing in the middle of Goku's living room. We're here now... together, and that's all that matters to me.

Though I may be quite a bit shorter than Goku, my height has its advantages because, to kiss me without actually lifting me more than a foot off the floor, he has to lean down quite a bit, which compromises his normally-impeccable balance. Thanks to that, all it takes is a few well-placed steps backwards while still holding onto him to completely undermine his firm footing. When the back of my knees hit the edge of the couch, I spin us both around and give him a light push, and he falls heavily onto the couch, pulling me down with him so that I'm straddling his lap.

He blinks several times, and his chest heaves up and down erratically. "Videl... we should go-"

He's right, of course. "I know we should," I reply breathlessly against his lips, "but..."

He draws back enough so his wide obsidian eyes can focus steadily on mine. "Yeah?"

"Do you think maybe, just tonight" - one light kiss on his slightly parted lips - "we could forget about everything" - two - "and not worry about anyone or anything around us?" - three - "Please... just tonight..."

He frowns thoughtfully for a moment. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

The truth? "No," I admit with a sheepish grin that he immediately returns. "And maybe this is too much to ask, but..." Oh God, how do I say this? "I want it to be just us tonight. No guilt, no fear, no reservations... just you and me..." - I bite my lip shyly - "just this... I want you to make love to me like there's no one else but the two of us."

There. I said it.

God forgive me...

"Like there's no one but us? No holding back?"

I nod slowly. "And nothing needs to be left unsaid," I add softly, remember his vague comment earlier.

"Are you sure? You know what they say about being careful what you wish for," he whispers as he pulls one of my hands from around his neck, taking it into his and tracing along each of my fingers deliberately with his thumb - he does that any time he's conflicted about something, to give him time to think things through.

Who knows, maybe he'll be a hero again. Perhaps he'll have the willpower that I don't and save me from myself and my reckless desire. Or maybe, for once in his life, he'll decide not to be the savior. Then we can be weak together... or strong together...

Fact is I'll take anything right now as long as it's with him.

I know he's settled whatever dispute he was fighting within himself as soon as his hand squeezes mine lightly. "If you're sure this is what you want-"

"It is," I assure him quickly, my words seeming to match pace with my accelerating heartbeat. "Tonight you'll be all mine."

"Yeah," he agrees huskily, and his eyes... It's like he just opened a floodgate of buried emotions that is drawing me into its raging depths and swallowing me whole. "And you are mine."

Then, just when I'm ready for him to wrap me up and devour me inside and out, he lifts my hand and kisses it gently before standing us both up. I comply more out of shock than acceptance. "What-"

He places his finger on my lips. "You'll see. Just gimme a sec." Then he quickly turns and jogs down the hall, returning a minute later with a capsule in his hand. The he flashes me a mischievous smile and opens his arms. "C'mon." As soon as I grab on, the colors swirl for a moment before solidifying, revealing the small cove we've visited countless times now.

I can't help but smile at his choice since this is where it all began. "This place really is perfect," I mention off-handedly as I take in a deep lungful of the crisp night air.

Seeing that I approve, he grins broadly. "Not quite," he states before activating the capsule and throwing it in the middle of the clearing. Once the smoke clears, he nods negligibly before turning back to me. "_Now_ it's perfect."

I'll be damned... I didn't know Goku had a capsule house...

"I never really use it," he explains in response to my amused expression, "but Bulma insisted I keep one in case I ever needed it. Seems she was right after all," he adds, the tone of his voice dropping slightly. "Now we have a house all to ourselves. It's not too fancy, but if there's anything at all that you want-"

I cut him off mid-sentence. "You. All I want is you."

To emphasize my point, I grab him by the front of his gi and pull us both towards the front door. We manage to stumble about halfway there while holding onto each other - our already slow progress is halted entirely almost every other step by playful, promising kisses and caresses - before Goku finally scoops me up and cradles me against his chest, his mouth securing ravenously onto mine as he closes the distance with smooth, long-legged strides.

I have no idea how he could pay attention to where he's going so that we don't crash into anything that may be in the way - especially in the dark, but apparently he's still very aware of his surroundings because he maneuvers us not only into the house, but into the surprisingly spacious bedroom and even turns on the light without missing a beat. He releases my mouth, albeit hesitantly, and places me on my feet in front of him next to the bed; his bottomless onyx gaze runs over every inch of my face slowly, bringing a blush to my cheeks at his thorough scrutiny even though I'm too mesmerized by the look on his face - so focused and powerful, it's almost tangible - to do anything except draw in several shaky breaths. Undeterred, one gentle hand rises and runs from my right temple, around my ear, all the way down to my chin, finally moving over my lips lightly, the look softening slightly.

"G-Goku..."

He gives me a small smile. "I'm sorry, it's just..." - his thumb runs over the curve of my jaw once more - "These last few days... I've missed you." He moves his gaze to the side and swallows once, his hand leaving my face to rub the back of his neck. "_A lot_," he adds tightly. He opens his mouth once more, but closes it quickly, clearing his throat.

"Please," I ask... well, more like beg, I guess, but I want to know what he was going to say. I _need_ to know... "Whatever it is, just say it. It's just us tonight, remember?"

"Yeah," he whispers as his eyes, now shining with thinly-masked sorrow, lock onto mine again. "That's just it - it's only tonight."

Oh my God...

It's been months since I've been so torn over what I should do regarding Goku. My pride is saying it's not outside the realm of possibility to leave altogether, though I don't really believe that. My mind knows that I could completely disregard the implications of what he just said and still be with him right now, and tomorrow he would act as though nothing had changed at all. Then there's my heart... my recently-restored, illogical, irrational, irresponsible heart...

My heart wants more than just speculation - desires something more concrete than reading between the lines.

My heart wants to actually hear him _say_ it.

I can't deny it anymore. All this time that Goku's been working tirelessly to heal my soul and spirit, carefully picking up the pieces of my shattered heart and putting it back together again, I've been steadily pulling him deeper and deeper into it, and now...

Now, despite our families and our commitments and our obligations... despite everything that's reasonable... as unbelievable as it would have seemed to me less than a year ago...

The perfect blend of melting-into-a-boneless-puddle and I-simply-can't-imagine-my-life-without-you.

I'm in love with him.

Actually admitting that to myself is enough to finally kick my thoughts back into a more sensible direction. He was absolutely right. It's still only for tonight, and it's imperative that I remember that. Once this night is over, we'll have to leave and go back to our spouses - back to stealing a few hours a day from those that we're married to so that we can give them to each other.

But even though we can't actually say the words doesn't mean we can't say it at all.

He's so tense and his eyes are averted once again, so he jerks slightly when I sit down on the edge of the bed, taking both of his hands into mine. He immediately kneels down in front me so that we're eye to eye, the glassy black orbs openly questioning me.

I give him a heartfelt and empathetic smile - I feel the pain from this seemingly impossible situation, too. "You're right, we can't talk about it," I begin softly, "but we can show each other." I place his hands on my hips and move mine to his face, pulling it to me so that I can feel his shallow pants of air against my face. "Make _love_ to me, and I'll make _love_ to you, and then there won't be any more secrets."

* * *

As soon as I said it, I knew I'd gone too far.

For a minute I was almost positive she was gonna run again - not that I would blame her. I all but admitted that I love her and that I can't pretend that she's mine, even if it is only for one night, when she doesn't feel the same way. Then, when she didn't run, when she sat down and held my hands, I was so relieved that I hadn't scared her off that it took a minute for me to comprehend what she was saying.

_We_ can't talk about it...

_We_ can show each other...

Not '_you_ can't talk about it', or '_you_ can show _me_.'

_We_ can show _each other..._ as in her and me... both of us.

Make _love_ to me, and I'll make _love_ to you, and then there won't be any more secrets...

Not 'make love to me and there won't be any secrets.'

And she stressed the word 'love'... twice. Once for me, and once for her.

Normally I don't resort to reading her aura to substantiate what she tells me about how she feels. I guess I've always thought of it kind of like cheating... I don't ever want to think that I might have used what I sensed as a way to, whether consciously or not, act a certain way or say something that wasn't completely honest just so it would look like we had more in common or understood each other better than we actually did.

Our similarities... our unique insight into one another's feelings... everything was completely natural. We didn't have to make any adjustments whatsoever. Just as we are, our hearts and minds connect seamlessly...

It's why I fell so deeply in love with Videl even when I knew it was wrong to do so.

But, until now, I thought I was the only one.

Videl's eyes remain evenly on me, open and inviting, the crystal blue depths urging me on... I let myself fall deeper into them, holding my breath as I focus on her feelings at this moment-

The sheer magnitude of what I find forces the air from my lungs, and I gasp sharply to replenish the oxygen my body needs to keep me from passing out. It's indescribable... nothing like the lukewarm emotions I've felt from my wife... no, this is... God, it's like... like an ocean during a raging storm. Her passion is intensely chaotic, possessive, powerful and all-consuming. Of course, seeing that level of temporary personal desire within Videl doesn't surprise me.

It's what she harbors beneath that...

Infinitely deep and tranquil, protective, soothing... Endless. Unbreakable. Pure and immutable.

Identical to mine.

Love... _real_ love...

I guess she can tell I'm done, because her head tilts as she moves forward and covers my mouth tenderly with hers; we've shared countless kisses over the past few months, from soft and innocent to hot and heavy, but this is - good God! - so much more than any of those before.

It doesn't matter anymore that we can't admit to this out loud, and, at least right now, I don't even care if this can't last. I know she loves me just as much as I love her...

And, if only this once, Videl is _mine_.

I feel myself growl into our joined mouths, the only warning Videl has before I wrap and arm around her waist and pull us both completely onto the bed, though it takes every ounce of self-control I possess not to rip every shred of clothing off of her in my burning desire to feel her skin against mine.

Then I remember that Bulma and Videl are about the same size, and out of part habit and part tribute to the past, Bulma made sure I had spare clothes for her in here along with my own personal replacement set. I'm definitely gonna have to thank her someday.

Goodbye little white tank top. Goodbye... damn, that bra was actually quite sexy. Ah well, it's too late now, and by the expression on Videl's flushed face, I don't think she minds much. Goodbye faded blue jeans, and last but certainly not least-

The next tearing sound startles me slightly, only because I didn't do it. My aching need for her skyrockets when I see that not only is my orange gi top wide open, but my weighted training shirt is ripped jaggedly down the middle as well. Gods... talk about a major turn-on... I shrug them off impatiently as she continues her own destructive spree, removing my sash easily and tossing it aside.

When I bring my attention back to the beauty pinned beneath me, she purses her slightly-swollen lips triumphantly. "Guess our sparring sessions have paid off, neh?"

You know... I can't think of a better way to find out.

It only takes me a few seconds to get everything still on us out of our way, and before the last ruined garment hits the floor, Videl loops her arms around me and pulls herself up, her teeth and tongue grazing my collar bone and up my neck seductively, making me purr involuntarily as I let my eyes fall closed.

She chuckles softly as she ends at my mouth. "I _love_ it when you do that," she whispers, her satiny lips brushing over mine.

Do you now...

"And I _love_ it" - following her lead and putting emphasis on 'love' - "when you do this." Using my speed to my advantage, I dip down to one round breast before she even realizes what I'm doing and take the pert nub between my teeth, raking over it lightly. I'm rewarded with an unhindered cry of pleasure from her along with what I bet are gonna be some nasty nail marks on my shoulders come morning.

I go from one side to the other, all the time reveling in the feeling of Videl writhing sensually beneath me as she gasps and moans my name over and over again, one hand tensing periodically on my shoulder as the other holds firmly to a handful of my hair. Nearing my own personal breaking point, I move back up and claim her mouth roughly and duel mercilessly against her demanding tongue. Then I feel her hand leave my shoulder and work its way down...

Oh shit... the scar!

"Videl," I manage breathlessly as I pull back. "I don't know if I'd do that right now. I can barely control myself as it is. I'm liable to transform, and I don't want to hurt you." I explain quickly when she raises an eyebrow in question.

Her hand stops just above her intended destination for a moment. "I think I'll take my chances."

Everything goes white for an instant as her fingertips find my tail spot, the searing wave of pleasure forcing a strangled scream from my throat and almost making my arms buckle. "Viiideeeeeel..." I hiss warningly as I force my ki back into check just in the nick of time.

She presses down on the spot again, though much more gently this time. "Can you? I mean... is it possible?"

I nod once. "Yeah, but it's not a good idea. Too risky."

"I'm not made of glass, Goku, and I know you would never hurt me."

As much as I appreciate the vote of confidence, I -

When her fingernails rake across the scar mercilessly once again, I bury my face in her neck and clench my jaw tightly, knowing the decision is now out of my hands. I feel her teasing strokes freeze as the sheets and pillowcases begin whipping and billowing around us.

Supporting her as gently as I can, I lift us up into the air enough to flip us over, landing back down so that she's on my thighs before sitting myself up so that we're nose to nose. My senses are already increasing dramatically with my power level, and her scent is assaulting my senses like a drug. "Focus your energy like you're about to fly," I advise, "and whatever you do, please don't scream."

She takes a deep breath and nods, though I feel her shiver nervously against my chest.

With only a second to spare, I make sure to take my hands off of her just to be on the safe side and offer her a encouraging smile.

"No matter what, I won't hurt you. I promise."

* * *

I force myself to stay calm and hold onto him as well as my own ki, closing my eyes and hiding my face in the crook of his neck as the feeling of raw power explodes around us making the small clip that's held my hair back come loose, releasing it and making it blow around wildly. I can't help but crack an eye open when my head is shifted slightly - it's amazing to see the contours of his body change, muscles becoming more pronounced and the indentations more defined.

Everything finally seems to return to normal, and I feel a strong caress brush the hair from my shoulder. "Are you okay?"

I let out a relieved sigh and nod, raising my head and opening my eyes again. "Yeah, I-"

It's not like this is the first time I've ever seen a Super Saiyajin. I mean, thanks to Goku and a mini-lesson he gave Majin Buu years ago, I've seen him ascend three times over, but he was a thousand miles away and I was watching the show through my mind like everyone else...

There's a world of difference between seeing him transform from afar and experiencing it while sitting totally naked in his lap.

I lift my hand tentatively at first, but when he flashes a disarming grin and settles back with his arms holding him up, I completely let go of any fear I have left and run my fingers through the upswept blonde spikes, smiling at the fact that the paler hair feels even softer than before, though it's thicker at the same time. I run my hand down to the nape of his neck before trailing it along his collar until I come to his chest. I put the palm of my hand completely against his skin, noting the rhythmic beating of his heart and the increased heat of his smooth flesh - the sound of forced and erratic breathing isn't escaping my attention, either. "How hard is it to keep yourself from just grabbing me and fucking me blind when I'm doing this?" I ask playfully through a purposefully lusty gaze.

His teal eyes narrow. "_Very_," he replies softly. "A Saiyajin's senses increase naturally and become a lot more sensitive in this form, and that includes touch," he adds matter-of-factly.

I blink once, not because he said something intelligent - I'm used to that - but because a thought hit me. "But how do you handle that when you fight? I mean, you guys become almost indestructible compared to a normal person..."

"That's a lot more mental than physical, and it has a lot to do with distributing ki within your body. The more energy you use, the less you have to spread out so you can protect yourself against both injury and pain."

Wow... "But if you don't do that, then..."

I let the sentence hang as he closes the distance between our faces to an inch. "It feels like a bolt of lightening under my skin anywhere you touch me," he finishes with a soft growl and leans back again.

"So me doing this is driving you crazy," I say, unable to stop smiling now.

"Absolutely insane."

Well, far be it from me to be a tease, and I push him flat on his back with every intention of crawling up and making love to him for all he's worth, and my eyes run down his body one more time, taking in every perfectly chiseled inch -

Oh my God!

My mouth falls open, both at the fact that he's been sitting through my questions so patiently when he's _that_ aroused and that I didn't notice it until now - seems _everything_ on a Saiyajin gets bigger when they transform...

"Gods, I wonder if I'll be able to walk after this," I manage out, still staring wide-eyed.

"I wouldn't bet on it."

And with that said, he lifts me up and captures me in a mind-blowing kiss before sheathing himself entirely into me in one fluid motion that sends me beyond anything I could have imagined possible.

* * *

I open my eyes as much as I can and glance at the clock across the room, groaning when I see that we're going to have to go soon. Just the thought makes me frown as I cradle Videl's delicate form tighter against me.

I have to say that her training has indeed paid off and then some. No other woman alive could have handled our last bout of lovemaking.

The first one - maybe, but not the second.

_Definitely_ not the third...

I can't help but laugh at the irony. Figures while everyone else's idea of making love is soft, slow, and gentle - not that I don't enjoy that, too - Videl and I would go for more the strength-stamina-endurance type of sex. Of course, now that we both know for sure how we feel about one another beneath the burning passions that fuel us, it doesn't matter what anyone would think.

Not like we have anyone we can tell...

"Damn it, why couldn't I have met you before I got married, huh?" I whisper into her hair.

"Because I wasn't born yet."

I glance down at the sound of her voice. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's okay," she responds wearily, shifting so she can rest her chin on my chest. "How much longer do we have?"

"Not long enough," I say, unable to keep the regret from my voice. "Maybe an hour before you should go, just to be on the safe side."

"Forget safe," she moans. "How long until sun-up?"

I can't help but grin. "Two hours or so."

"Let's watch the sunrise together," she offers.

"We could go get breakfast," I reply.

"A walk around the lake... maybe a picnic lunch."

"Sparring in the afternoon," I state playfully, running my hand down her spine.

"What kind?"

"Both."

She laughs softly. "We really shouldn't be doing this to ourselves."

"I know," I agree, closing my eyes for a moment and simply enjoying the feeling of being with her...

The approaching ki, however, cuts it very, very short.

I stiffen every muscle and focus - please... please God... _please let me have been wrong_!

Videl immediately lifts her head and blinks a few times. "What?" Then her face pales when I finally reopen my eyes and look at her. "G... Goku?"

His ki is unmistakable. I take a deep breath and consider very quickly what I can do. There's no doubt he's already sensed both of us being here... there's nowhere near enough time for us to take a shower in less than two minutes... I could transport her back home or to Capsule Corp, but I'd still have to explain why she was here... not to mention that the smell of sex is so strong he'd know off the bat...

"Shit."

"Oh God... Goku..."

I lift us both up and cup her face gently. "In the closet there's a set of clothes for you, put them on right now."

I don't have the luxury of panic... though I seem to have more than enough capacity for guilt...

And I've only got one more minute at the most.

I turn and see Videl, now fully dressed in a skintight cotton t-shirt and a pair of _very_ short shorts - oh, fucking great... thanks Bulma! - watching me with wide, disbelieving eyes. Oh no, she looks like she's gonna go into shock...

"Videl..." I call, crossing the room clumsily as I try to pull on my pants at the same time.

Thirty seconds... maybe.

She jerks and steps back, her shoulders and arms that are wrapped around herself shake violently. "It's... it's Gohan, isn't it."

It wasn't a question, and she's not looking for an answer, just the dreaded confirmation. I nod once.

She backs up another step, her lower lip and chin trembling. "Oh... oh God... Gohan... he... he..." Her final backwards step puts her against the wall, and she whimpers softly as she presses her back against it as hard as she can.

I want to go to her... protect her... comfort her, but there is nothing I can do to change the fact that any power, skill and experience I possess is meaningless now.

My worst fear is about to become reality. My son and Videl are both going to suffer... because of this...

Because of me.

The sound of knocking stops all other sounds and movement. I catch myself holding my breath as I hear the door open. "Dad? Videl?"

Without another thought, I grab Videl and coax her into the adjoining bathroom. It won't stop what's gonna happen, but it will give her a few seconds more before he sees her...

The sound of slow footsteps reaches my ears, and I begin the countdown until his sense of smell guides him to this room...

"Hey... what's-" The footfalls from the other room stop suddenly, and I feel his ki start to build - feel the sudden burst of confusion and disbelief... a sense of denial...

A footstep towards us.

Three...

Two...

One...

I retreat another step into the bathroom just before Gohan's face appears in the doorway.

At this moment it feels like time itself is standing still, waiting for the inevitable judgment to be passed, and all I can do is swallow my fear and anguish and accept that, no matter what, everyone is going to pay the price for what we've done.

Even under the most optimistic prospective outcome, _nothing_ is ever going to be the same.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:**

**Whose Hearts Shall Break **

I think my heart stopped beating...

Watching my son as he enters the room so slowly... he's stiff as a board, the only real indications that he's not in some type of weird trance are his hands that are balled into fists so tight his knuckles are white and the eye that's twitching every few seconds. Aside from that, his expression is a complete blank. Still, the fact that his ki is slowly but steadily building coupled with the knowledge that he knows exactly where we are and hasn't bothered to say anything - his eyes haven't shifted from directly in front of him at all yet - proves that his mind is anything but clear. Of course, even if I was the naive idiot most people think I am, I'd have figured it out the minute he picked up the thick scent of sex while he was still in the other room.

I've always shared a unique bond with my oldest - whether it's a Saiyajin thing or something that developed through circumstance, I'm not sure... maybe a little of both - and there have been many occasions when, without any prompting, I could sense Gohan's thoughts and feelings. It usually happens during a crisis when his emotions run their highest, and when he himself can't control them. It's like a swimming pool and there are so many people thrashing around that water splashes out - I tend to get the overflow. As soon as his nose picked up our scent, my brain felt like it was going to explode from the force of what's coming from him. Disbelief, denial, shock, betrayal, pain and rage woven tightly together...

And I'm only getting little hints of what is actually going on in his head.

He stops halfway between the door and the bed against the wall where the remnants of our clothes begin littering the floor and bends down, picking up the cleanly-ripped piece of white cotton that was Videl's shirt and stands back up, clutching the ruined garment tightly in his fingers. His eyes begin moving slowly over the rest of the haphazard piles of useless cloth thrown here and there, taking a step every so often until he stops just next to the bed where my shirts are tangled together.

My stomach knots painfully out of sadness, regret, and nervousness as Gohan toes the blue and orange material roughly; his entire body shudders for only a moment, and he lets out a soft, strangled sound.

I have to say _something_.

No matter how much I wish this wasn't happening, it is, and the longer I remain silent, the longer he's going to suffer without any way to let it out. Besides, I know I deserve whatever he may do and then some. With a final glance behind me, I see Videl watching wide-eyed from around the corner of the shower, her already pale face completely bloodless now. At least she's breathing evenly enough to make me feel sure she won't be fainting anytime soon, so I leave the doorway I've been peering through and take a step into the room.

Oh God, what the hell am I supposed to say to him? What _can_ I say? There's no excuse for what he's witnessing. I mean, Videl cheating on him would be one thing - and it would devastate him, I know - but she's not _just_ having an affair... she's having one with _me_.

And what's worse is that I was the instigator.

I saw someone that understood my pain and I grabbed onto it, and what choice did I give her? She was lonely, too. She needed someone to be attentive, to remind her that she was worthy of desire, but she didn't go looking for it. She handled it the best way she could, and it made her vulnerable, and now...

Oh God... all of this is because of me. _All of it._

I guess my movement has snapped him out of whatever inner prison he's been trapped in since he stepped through the door and began going through the numerous items that confirmed what has to be the worst thing any man can be subjected to - betrayed by the wife he loves and by the father he trusted unwaveringly all of his life. He lifts Videl's shirt up shakily, the majority of the fabric hanging loosely so that it's in plain view for anyone who chooses to look. His eyes slide slowly over to me before his head follows suit, the muscles in his jaw work furiously as they become tight and lax in an unsteady rhythm and his entire upper body begins trembling.

"I d-don't..." - he chokes roughly, and he squeezes his eyes shut before opening them again - "wh-what d-does this... I don't..."

He closes his mouth as I take another step towards him as I force myself to hold his gaze. Everything I was expected to see in his eyes isn't there at all. Instead, his eyes are begging... _pleading_ me to give him any excuse for what he's found except what everything around us is telling him happened. You know, I actually think he'd believe anything right now, too. He'd ignore the obvious if I gave him anything, anything at all to grab onto.

But I can't. It would be easier - for a little while, at least - but it would be another lie, and I just can't do this to him anymore. We've been under a blanket of anonymity for far too long; what we've done is unjustifiable, and just because we couldn't seem to stop ourselves never meant that it wasn't going to have to end. And it will. Right now.

Gods, I... where do I begin?

"Gohan-"

He scans my expression, and after several silent, tense moments his previously near-stoic features contort into a mask of pure agony and righteous anger as his ki makes its way off the charts. And his eyes... My only opportunity to get us out of this relatively unscathed by giving him a lame excuse is long gone now, replaced by the demeanor of judge, jury, and quite possibly my executioner, as well. But at least he isn't looking at Videl.

He knows his wife well enough to know this can't be her doing.

We both know the fault is mine.

The accusatory glare becomes almost tangible in its severity, and his body stills as he turns to face me fully; the defenseless garment in his grasp starts smoking as his power continues to build and begins to manifest itself around him as small sparks and thin bolts of golden energy. "You," he growls tightly through teeth that are clenched into a snarl that looks even more dangerous as twin tears make thin lines down either side of flaring nostrils. "My... my wife... You... you..."

My breath catches as I feel the guilt I've been pushing back all this time wash over me to combine with the new shame I bear now before my son. And still, I have no words. I have absolutely nothing to use in my defense at all.

He's going to kill me. I know that now as I see his normally gentle disposition bleed completely away and is replaced by the need for vengeance... for justice.

As Gohan's aura explodes around him and he charges me fists-first, I bow my head rather than raise my arms.

The blast forces me behind the shelter of the shower wall, and I cover my head as everything seems to crumble. Yet in my mind, the last image I saw before hell literally broke loose plays over and over and burns away at the sorrow and helplessness I was drowning in moments ago while watching my husband as the realization of what he found hit him full force.

Gohan's energy was potent enough that the threads of the shirt in his hand began to burn and the hairs on my arms were standing on end, and if it was strong enough for me to feel, I know it had to be like a fucking siren blaring to Goku. But he didn't power-up before Gohan literally drove him through the wall.

He had to have known what was about to happen, and he didn't even try to block it...

And Gohan never even looked my way.

The implication sends a blood-chilling fear like I've never experienced through my veins. But with that comes the strength to get myself back on my feet and the focus to weave my way through the debris that seems to be everywhere between me and the room of the house that became nothing more than a haphazard pile of rubble just a minute ago.

Goku has lived his entire life with the fate of the planet on his shoulders and has survived, but now he's trying to take all of the blame... all of Gohan's wrath.

If I don't do something, my husband is going to murder his father - the man I love - and it will be all my fault.

I _can't_ let that happen.

I grit my teeth against the discomfort of small, sharp pieces of metal, plaster, and glass biting into my bare feet as I finally manage to make it to the gaping hole - if you can call the absence of over three-fourths of the room a mere hole in the wall - that leads outside. My eyes immediately follow a path of devastation marked by uprooted trees and shattered boulders, and a strange sense of grief pulls at my heart. This beautiful cove that's been our place since the beginning has been destroyed. Everything. The water is being blocked by debris, and the lush grass is torn and most is gone completely, just as many of the surrounding trees are broken and lying helpless and dead on the scarred ground.

And there's a deep groove through the middle of the clearing about twice the width of a man's body.

Oh God... Gohan... Goku...

An animalistic howl rips through chilled morning sky followed by a bright flash and a monstrous dust cloud, and my energizing fear becomes a pure adrenaline rush that reminds me the fastest method of getting there is by flight rather than by foot. Once I'm in the air, I can see Gohan several hundred feet in front of me surrounded by a fiery golden aura, his longer-than-normal blonde locks like daggers jutting from his head. And there's someone else coming, too...

Of course. He must have felt Gohan's sudden ki spike and come to find out why. God knows, being his mentor and unspoken protector since he was a child, he's never very far away. Okay, so maybe Piccolo can calm him down some, even though he's up to the first level past a normal Super Saiyajin. As I fly towards Gohan, my eyes scan the area around us frantically for the last person that should be here... but he's not. And Gohan's eyes are glued to the slowly settling dust cloud beneath him. I choke on the dread that settles in my stomach as the wind finally blows enough of the dirt away that the form below becomes visible.

Oh God, he's so still, and there's blood _everywhere_... No, _Goku_!

"GOKUUUUUU!"

I don't know what to do! Do I try to talk to Gohan? Will it make any difference? And if I go to Goku, will I only make things worse for him? Is Gohan so out of control that he may kill us both?

Gods, this is all my fault! If it wasn't for me, Gohan wouldn't have found us in this position, and Goku wouldn't be lying down there trying to assume all of the responsibility and all of the punishment my husband is dealing out. If only I hadn't gone to Goku last night... if I had just stayed home until I knew that Gohan wouldn't come for me... if only I hadn't been so God damned needy...

A strangled sob escapes my throat as my gaze moves between the man before me and the one below. I can hear Piccolo shouting at Gohan even though I can't make out the words, but I don't even know if Gohan hears him, either. His attention is riveted to the ground... to his father's limp form, and he's still sneering ferally.

That must mean that Goku's alive - thank you, God! - but for how much longer?

"Videl!"

I didn't even realize he had flown over here, and I gasp sharply as Piccolo grabs my arm, his eyes wide and fearful. "What the hell happened, Videl? What's wrong with Gohan?" Then he looks down and winces. "And _who_ did _that_ to Son?"

"G-Gohan..."

He jerks me back and forth roughly. "What about Gohan? What's going on here?" Another firm shake. "Damn it, answer me!"

Before my brain can begin processing some kind of explanation, a new voice replies, and I spin around to face the scowling visage of the last person in the world I ever imagined seeing right now.

His eyes remain on me, even as he cocks his head towards Piccolo. "Let the woman go. This is none of your affair."

"Like hell it's not," the taller warrior growls dangerously, though, thankfully, he does loosen his grip on me as he floats to face Vegeta fully. "But it makes me wonder what _you're_ doing here. I'm surprised a squabble that's got nothing to do with you would drag you away from your precious gravity room."

"Hn. Anything between Saiyajins is my business, Namek," Vegeta replies evenly, though his onyx orbs are still firmly planted on me.

For some reason, I've got a feeling he's trying to tell me something...

"Then perhaps you know what's going on," Piccolo shoots back impatiently, but after a moment of silence, snarls and turns around. "Fine, if you won't answer me, then I'll find out from Gohan, one way or another."

Vegeta finally stops staring me down and regards Piccolo with an expression I don't think I've ever seen on his face before. Most - though not all - of the arrogance is gone, replaced by grim seriousness.

"I would not advise it," he states somberly. "It is not wise to interrupt two Saiyajins when they are competing for the right to a mate."

What?

It's obvious that Piccolo is just as confused as I am. "What are you talking about, Vegeta? Are you suggesting that Gohan is the one that attacked Son?" When Vegeta didn't respond, the green fighter's brow furrows deeply. I can almost see the gears in his head working - Piccolo is definitely one of the smartest of the entire group - and I can tell that he's trying to gauge the plausibility of Vegeta's words. Just as I knew he would, he growls once and frowns as he puts the pieces together. "Why would Gohan attack his own father?"

Vegeta huffs sarcastically. "Feh, it seems that you are both weak _and_ deaf. I have already told you why."

"You said some nonsense about two Saiyajins fighting for a mate," Piccolo hisses angrily. "What does that mean?"

Once again Vegeta stays quiet, though he turns his stern eyes to me briefly.

Piccolo looks between the two of us for a moment before his own eyes widen in disbelief. "You mean...?" He gapes for another second, his cheeks coloring slightly. "Are you telling me Gohan thinks that Son and Videl are... were..." Apparently the very idea stops his sentence there, because nothing else comes out but deep, rasping breaths.

A very self-satisfied smirk makes its way onto the alien prince's lips as he finishes the thought for his flustered comrade. "Fucking behind his back?" The amused look grows as Piccolo's entire face goes varying shades of purple. Then Vegeta sniffs at the air, and the penetrating stare directed at me narrows, making me hold my breath nervously. "No, I am confident Kakarotto's boy is sure of it, Namek."

As soon as he says those words, I feel the blood drain from my face as it all sinks in. Vegeta smells Goku all over me, but that's not what really gets me - I mean, Vegeta's a Saiyajin, too, of course he'll be able to tell. It's the fact the he isn't surprised at all, because that means he already knew.

Piccolo scowls before floating closer still and taking in a deep breath. His ebony eyes become wide as saucers as his nose confirms Vegeta's theory, and his mouth drops open in unabashed shock.

Before Piccolo can recover, all of our attentions are brought back to Gohan as he screams once again, power emanating in waves against the three of us, and I have to cover my face with my arms against the painful force he's giving off. Through a barely cracked eye, I see the possessed look on his face as he glares at his father. "Damn you, get up and fight me!"

"Is he crazy? Look at him!" I cry miserably as I force my eyes back down.

"The fool's been in worse shape and fought," Vegeta states over the roaring wind.

"So why isn't he defending himself?" Piccolo questions angrily. "He could easily block Gohan's attacks until the kid wore himself out."

Vegeta snorted in annoyance. "Because the fool is entirely too soft. Unless he feels the woman is in danger, he will not raise a hand to his son."

Oh God, Vegeta's right. Goku feels to guilty - he won't touch Gohan unless he thinks he's so out of control that he'll hurt other people, but Gohan's focused solely on him... How the hell can I make him get up and- my eyes widen as I realize what I have to do. Just the thought sends my stomach into my feet, but I bite the consideration of physical pain back and allow the fear of Goku dying to fuel me instead. With a deep breath - for all I know, it may be my last one - I uncover myself and crouch so that I'm more aerodynamic and Gohan's energy waves don't hold me back as much.

"What the hell are you doing?" Piccolo demands as he reaches for me.

I back away and look to Vegeta instead. It's strange, but I have a feeling he knows exactly what I'm about to do, and there's a look in his eyes that, if I didn't know better, I'd think was approval. I give him a quick nod of acknowledgment before offering Piccolo a grim glance. "The only way to get Goku to fight is if someone helpless is in danger, right? So... I'm gonna go piss my husband off enough to attack me."

And with that, I say a quick prayer to anyone that'll still listen and fly as fast as I can toward Gohan.

Three, maybe four cracked ribs, dislocated shoulder, broken nose, busted lip, several loose teeth, one eye swollen up pretty good, jaw sore as hell, back feels like it was run over with a cheese grater and throat's probably bruised to hell and back - he had a good hold on it for a while there...

He's been way too lax with his training lately. At this rate, Vegeta's gonna be defending the world all by himself - no one else is gonna be tough enough to do it and not get themselves killed.

I realize where my thoughts have gone and I let out a harsh chuckle, though it quickly becomes a tortured moan as my chest painfully protests my attempt at humor. Still, it's funny in a sadistic, I'm-gonna-die-so-what-the-hell sort of way. Besides, Chi always accuses me of being a musclehead who's more interested in a person's strength and skill during a fight than - as she very sarcastically puts it - stupid, insignificant things like keeping myself alive.

I guess she was right after all.

Oh well, I don't care what Chichi thinks. I mean, it's not like this planet's gonna be safe forever, and assuming as much would be a big mistake. Plus, this is my home, and there are too many people here that I care about _not_ to worry about who's gonna watch after it when I'm gone. Sure, I know the gang will do what they can if an enemy threatens the planet, but since no one besides Vegeta and Piccolo bothers keeping themselves up anymore, what'll happen to the ones that can't defend themselves when there's no one left to protect them?

No. I'm not going to let this little stream of doubts flying through my head change my mind. I will not fight my own son. Besides, everyone'll be fine without me - hell, they made it almost eight years last time with no problems - and Vegeta will make sure everyone stays prepared this go around.

I sigh resignedly when I hear Gohan challenge me as he powers up another attack. Gods, I wish he'd get on with it already. I've never been very good at sitting around waiting to die.

I keep my eyes closed and remain as unfocused as I can while I wait for the next assault to begin.

I wonder if being unfaithful to my wife with my son's will keep me from being allowed to keep my body when I die again? I haven't really thought about that, but that's not surprising since I've tried not to think about this happening until now. Still, I hope I've got enough points in my favor so that King Enma will let it slide this time. I mean, it's not like I've changed any... not really. A little older and wiser, sure, but I'd still give my life for the sake of this planet and anyone on it if the need arose. And I still love everybody just like I used to.

I'm just aware now that there are different kinds of love, and that sometimes people in love do really, _really_ stupid things.

I know it's no excuse, and all of the sneaking around stops today. I can be in love with Videl all day long, but it doesn't change the fact that we're both already married and have a responsibility to our families. Sure, Chichi's not the easiest woman in the world to live with and doesn't understand a thing about me, but she's never done anything that deserves this. What is it she always says when she watches those silly talk shows? Oh yeah: If someone's that damned miserable, they should just get it over with and break it off entirely. Hm... I wonder if she'll still feel that way when she finds out about all this.

Oh God, when I think about it that way, I don't care whether I keep my body or not, just as long as I'm dead - the idea of facing Chichi when she hears I've been having an affair is much more terrifying than _anything_ I've encountered in the afterlife.

At least I know Gohan will forgive Videl for what's happened. The fact that he immediately came after me without even glancing at her tells me as much. There's a real good chance for them now, I think. I hate how much this is hurting my son, but I'm pretty sure the next time Videl tries to tell him how she's feeling, he'll actually listen rather than brushing it off as nothing like his mother does. It's definitely not the way I would've wanted him to learn this lesson of how valuable his wife really is and how he should have been treating her all this time, but it's done now and I know he'll be the kind of man she needs from now on.

Either way, my purpose has been served. Now all I have to do is either die today, or, if Gohan doesn't finish me off, learn to live without her.

That settles it - I'm _definitely_ better off dead.

I hear the sound of someone flying toward me and sigh as he lands next to my head. Figures he'd come.

"You are a fool, Kakarotto."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I groan. "I think that was made pretty clear the first time I slept with my son's wife, Vegeta."

I don't have to open my eyes to see the condescending look he's giving me as he snorts derisively. "Hn, and now you have become a coward as well. A real Saiyajin would accept a fellow warrior's demand to do battle when both of their honors are at stake."

"Maybe on Vegeta-sei, but here on this planet things don't work that way," I reply tiredly. "Now get the hell outta here before Gohan throws another blast."

The soft shift of cloth against cloth. "You disgrace the boy by closing your eyes," Vegeta states simply, "unless you feel he is wrong in his actions."

"You know damn good and well how I feel about this." Still, Vegeta doesn't move. God, he's not gonna give up, is he? "If I open my eyes, will you give me a break with all the Saiyajin-way garbage and leave?" I question sarcastically.

"Hn."

"Fine." I crack my good eye open and give Vegeta a stern look before turning my senses back outward to focus on the form in the air. Ah, so Piccolo's here too, huh? Wait a sec... There's someone else standing in front of Gohan -

"No!" I've become so familiar with her ki over the past few months that it's like a beacon now that I'm paying attention, and both eyes go wide as I force my abused body to hold my weight. I growl against the pain as I get my footing and stare up at the sky. "Vegeta, what the hell is she doing?"

He moves to stand beside me and huffs as he turns his attention to the sky as well. "What does it look like, dumbass? The woman is a warrior, Kakarotto, and since you refuse to face the boy, she has chosen to fight in your place."

"But Gohan wouldn't attack her! He won't fight someone that's weaker than him," I declare half-heartedly as my eyes remain on the events unfolding above us. "Especially not his own wife!"

"For the woman's sake, let us hope you are right."

I realize as my hands ball tightly into fists and my teeth grind against each other that I sincerely hope I'm right, too, but it's a hell of a lot more for _his_ sake than for hers.

The feeling of Gohan's energy surrounding him and the gusts of wind it creates is making my eyes water, and I have to keep blinking against it the closer I get to him. And it's so damned hot! No, I won't give up... I can't! I keep reminding myself of why I'm instigating this insane face-off once again as I finally get in front of my husband.

As soon as I stop, his fiery teal eyes widen slightly and the arm he has outstretched holding a ball of ki dissipates. I let out a long breath - maybe I can talk him out of this, after all! Hell, that would definitely be my first choice... "Gohan?"

For a moment, he almost looks dazed, but then his eyebrows move down once again and his eyes clear as the focus on me. "Move aside," he commands through gnashed teeth.

"Gohan, please don't do this," I plead as I inch closer. "Please, Gohan..."

"Videl," he growls softly, "get out of the way."

Shit! "Gohan, you have to stop!"

"Like hell I do." His face twists in a mixture of pain and anger. "I'm going to kill the bastard for touching you."

"No!" I scream as I throw my arms wide. "You can't do this, Gohan! He's not even trying to fight back, for God's sake! Please -"

His threatening glare becomes deadly in its intensity. "I can't forgive him for this," he answers coldly. "If he won't fight me, then he'll just die that much quicker."

My heart sinks as I feel the chances of a peaceful resolution going straight to hell. Still, I have to try, just one more time. And there's a small nagging in the back of my mind, too - the fact that Gohan still hasn't directed any anger at _me_. Surely he doesn't hold Goku completely responsible, does he?

"Gohan, please... he's your father," I beg softly. "It's not his fault -"

My enraged husband shakes his head once and snarls. "Don't try to protect him, Videl. He doesn't deserve it after what he" - he falters slightly as the muscles in his throat and jaw spasm visibly - "did to you. He's going to pay for hurting you. I promise you that."

My arms and jaw both drop simultaneously. What in God's name is he talking about?

I take in a shuddering breath. "Gohan, I don't understand what you mean!"

"I know what you did, damn you!" he rages towards the ground before looking back to me. "I know what happened - I sensed the fear as soon as I walked in, and I saw the way you were cowering behind him when he had you blocked in the bathroom. And the bed... your clothes... the way everything was torn to shreds..."

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out as my mind races over what he just said. He refuses to acknowledge my part in this, and now he's talking about feeling my anxiety, the fact that I was hiding behind Goku and our ripped clothing?

Oh no... He can't really think...

But it makes sense as I play everything that's led up to this over again in my head. His meticulous eye going over the room when he walked in, the desperate disbelief all over his face as he confronted Goku, his sudden outburst of rage when, I'm guessing, he sense a deep guilt from his father, and now this unwillingness to listen to reason...

Oh God, he's not just holding his dad responsible or suffering from some sort of instinctive denial that refuses to see that I'm equally at fault.

"Gohan," I begin tentatively as my lip trembles uncontrollably and my stomach knots up, "are you saying that... you think Goku forced himself on me?"

Immediately, Gohan squeezes his eyes shut tightly and he bows his head, his breathing labored by the tremors that begin wracking his body. "I know what you're trying to do," he states raggedly, "but I can't let him go. Not for this. I should have been there to protect you, but... I never thought he... was capable of..."

"No, Gohan! You... you're wrong!" I cry in blatant horror as the reality of his mindset is confirmed. "Please, just listen to me!"

He snarls viciously as his head snaps back up. "I'm sorry, Videl. I understand why you're trying to stop this, but I guarantee you that I will have no regrets!"

"You don't -"

Before I can finish, his attention moves to the ground once again, but this time his eyes go wide with fury as his arm stretches out and a large sphere of white-hot energy appears in his palm. He battle cry rings through the sky as the ball grows larger and larger, and I'm forced to shield my eyes from both the wind and the light.

Oh gods... how do I stop him when he won't even listen to me?

I force myself to watch as Gohan's entire body tenses and a look of pure rage contorts his normally gentle features.

"_Now die_!"

"_Noooo_!"

I don't think. I just move as fast as I can as the energy ball is released and begins its decent towards its target.

Suddenly everything seems to move in slow motion. The deadly attack inching lower and lower as I use the adrenaline coursing through my veins to push myself past my limits and get alongside before finally managing to pass it. More nanoseconds that feel like an eternity as I look over and see that I've gotten far enough ahead, and still more when I change directions and close the short distance between our flight paths. Covering my face with my arms so that I can't see it when it hits me, even though I can still feel tendrils of electricity that lick at my skin and the brightness of the light that's making my see spots behind my eyelids...

Someone screams.

Not like Gohan's either. This desperate cry doesn't just cause the wind to blow wildly or the sky to rumble with thunder.

This one literally shakes _everything_.

The painful glare that's burning my eyes disappears as an arm grabs me, holding me firmly against a solid wall of flesh that makes my skin tingle with the contact. Then I feel the impact against my human shelter that sends us both plummeting towards the unforgiving earth below, and I press myself tighter against the person holding me as my heartbeat thunders in my head.

Images speed through my mind as we continue to freefall - a brief picture of my mother before she died, my father winning his first tournament, my first victory in competition, the first appearance of The Great Saiyaman, learning to fly alongside Gohan's little brother, the Budakai that turned into a disaster, meeting Goku and the rest of the gang the first time, my first time at the Lookout, waking up to find everything back to normal, my first date with Gohan, my wedding, the day Pan was born, my daughter growing up and all of her firsts, crying at night as Gohan and I grew further and further apart, the first night Goku stayed, the last night Goku stayed and the first time we were together, going after Goku at the Capsule Corps. party, the day we both realized that we couldn't stop seeing each other, sparring by the lake, picnicking in the valley, talking about everything and nothing while watching the clouds...

And suddenly we spin so that I'm lying on top and the iron-like grip around me tightens almost painfully, though that small discomfort is nothing compared to when we land.

And we do. _Hard_.

I cover my face as best I can while my savior makes sure to shield me from the flying dirt and rocks as best _he_ can, though I still feel the sting of several strays raining down on me. One particularly large one hits me just at the hairline near my temple and makes my ear ring for a moment.

Finally, things seem to settle and I feel myself being lifted gently to my feet. My head is pounding and I feel a warm, sticky wetness run down the side of my face, but all things considered, I know I'm damned lucky to be alive. I finally open my eyes, and they immediately go wide as I see the crater we made. Then, as my gaze moves slowly upward, I see gold. Not just energy.

It's hair. Lots of long, thick locks of blazing blonde hair.

And then I meet turquoise eyes shadowed with worry as an impossibly tender caress runs down my cheek. And when he smiles, it's like the heavens themselves have just opened up and given me the one thing I wanted most. "Goku..."

"Are you all right?" Goku asks, his deep, melodic voice a near whisper.

"Hai," I answer with a quick nod that makes me wince as my head pounds dully with the sudden movement.

He frowns, his ocean-green eyes narrowing as he pulls his hand from my face and stares at the blood on his fingertips. "You shouldn't have tried to get in front of that," he states angrily, though the soft tremor that taints the severe tone reveals the real motivation of his words. "You could have been killed, Videl."

"What was I supposed to do?" I question sharply, drawing his gaze back to meet mine. "I couldn't let Gohan continue attacking you when you wouldn't even get off the ground! He was trying to kill you!"

Goku turns his head to the side and closes his eyes. "I know that." A significant pause. "You shouldn't have interfered."

I shake my head, clenching my jaw as the aching in my head intensifies to keep from groaning in pain. "Like hell I shouldn't have! Goku, you have to stop Gohan before he makes a terrible mistake."

He stares at me for a meaningful moment before sighing softly. "I can't fight my own son. Especially not when I know how badly I've hurt him."

"No, Goku. Gohan doesn't know what's been happening! He thinks..." My voice falters as the sick feeling in my stomach comes back full force. Oh God, Gohan thinking it is one thing, but I can't imagine how much it'll hurt Goku to know that his son could assume something so horrible. Still, I have to warn him. "Gohan thinks that... that you..." Damn it, Videl, just spit it out and get it over with! "He thinks you raped me," I finally manage to choke out, and my nausea intensifies ten-fold as Goku's mouth falls open and his eyes blink several times in blatant disbelief. "That's why he's so out of control," I continue raggedly. "He assumed, because of our ripped clothes and all the fear and guilt he sensed, that -"

"That I forced you," he finishes hollowly, his entire face going completely blank. I nod imperceptibly so I don't aggravate my already wicked headache. "I see." He takes a deep breath and drops his chin onto his chest. After a significant pause, he looks back up and focuses intently on me. "Maybe it's best this way."

Oh hell no, it's not! "You can't be serious?" I question, my shock plainly evident.

His pronounced brow dips slightly. "Whether he knows the truth or not, it doesn't change the fact that I've betrayed him in a manner that's unforgivable. Does the method really matter?" he questions gently. "And it would make it a lot easier for you if he thinks you didn't have anything to do with it."

I can't believe him! Every muscle in my body stiffens as I glare at Goku, and his face betrays his confusion at my change in demeanor. "How can you think it would be easier for me? He'll kill you for sure!"

He reaches forward, cupping my cheek. "Videl -"

"Get your hands off of her!" Gohan screams as he descends at breakneck speed, his features twisted in rage.

Goku turns and gets in front of me, one arm lifted slightly to extend the barrier as the other shoulder moves experimentally in a cautious, clockwise motion. Whatever he's checking for seems to be okay, because he nods negligibly to himself. "Get out of here," he hisses over his shoulder. "Don't worry about me!"

"Forget it," I respond as discreetly as possible, though my voice cracks as the emotions I've been holding back threaten to burst forth unchecked. "Please... Goku, please! Letting Gohan hurt you won't accomplish anything, because _I'll_ know the truth." I feel my eyes begin the water, and I try my best to blink the tears back before they can fall. "And I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you," I add finally as I rest both of my palms and my forehead against the corded muscle of his back. "Please..."

He tenses slightly and draws in a shallow breath. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

I turn my head so that the relieved tears that slide down my face combine with the dirt and blood on his skin as I nod slowly.

***  
I never could deny her anything she asked of me.

I turn my immediate attention back to the sky and see Gohan with fifty feet of us. If I have to face him, I want to finish this as quickly as possible without really hurting him. There's a lot more chance of that if we're on the ground, not to mention what could happen to Videl - she's already been banged up enough as it is.

"Listen, go stand behind Vegeta. You'll be safe there."

I feel her nod again. "Be careful," she breathes against my back before she steps back. I glance to the side and see that Vegeta has already moved close and moves in front of her as soon as she gets next to him.

"Kakarotto," Vegeta begins, his own gaze turned heavenward. "The boy has not used his full power yet," he warns.

"Yeah, I know," I reply with a grim smile. "But at least the fall seems to have popped my shoulder back into place. I think I'm gonna need both arms, neh?"

"Hn," he snorts, though I see the familiar smirk curve his lips.

Gohan's almost on the ground, so without another thought, I shoot myself straight up in the sky, passing him immediately. I feel the gust of wind that marks his sudden halt, and his ki spikes once again as he begins his pursuit. Without looking back, I continue to climb higher and higher until the air begins to thin - I train regularly at these higher altitudes, so I'm hoping it gives me an advantage and tires him out faster - and the quickly diminishing cloud cover surrounds me.

Satisfied that I've gone far enough to ensure everyone's safety below, I stop and force myself to relax as I wait the two seconds it takes for him to catch up. I can't think about the guilt or the pain or the anger or the sadness or the impending loss... I have to focus on getting my son calmed down, though God only knows how the hell I'm gonna do it, short of knocking him out cold and letting him sleep it off.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. It's my _only_ idea.

He stops directly in front of me and snarls, immediately moving into a fighting stance. "So you finally decided to face me," he growls.

"I'm only doing this because Videl asked me to," I reply evenly, ignoring the knots in my gut and the remorse eating at my mind. I have to stay calm.

My best weapon is his loss of control, because if he can't think, then he can't fight effectively.

"Don't you dare mention her after what you've done, you son of a -"

I swallow back the self-loathing that continues to build. God forgive me... "Do you really think me capable of forcing myself on a helpless woman?"

He blinks a few times, and I see just the slightest shadow of doubt cross his enraged visage. "Are you denying that you had sex with my wife?"

His blazing eyes are just daring me to lie to him.

"No, I'm not."

He hisses through tightly clenched teeth. "And her clothes? Did you do that?"

Gotta remember why I'm doing this... can't let myself bend... not yet... "Yes." Hers, but not mine," I reply honestly, though the admission makes me cringe within even though my outward expression remains relatively impassive.

His gaze becomes pinpoints that piece my heart, crushing it brutally with the disgust and hatred I see within it. "You lie! I saw your shirts. They were torn like" - his eyes close tightly for a moment - "they were ripped off of you. If you didn't do it, then who did?"

I'm doing this for Videl... I'm doing this for Videl... I'm doing this for Videl...

"Answer me!" he challenges. "If you didn't do it, who did?"

"Videl did."

I was hoping that would make him go nuts and come at me without thinking, giving me the opening I need, but it doesn't look like it's gonna work out that well. As a matter of fact, his stance relaxes entirely and he stares blankly for several seconds. Then very, very slowly, his head begins shaking back and forth. "No," he murmurs under a sharp breath. "I... I don't believe you."

Unfortunately, now that it's out there, I don't have the luxury of taking any of this back. All I can do is proceed as openly as I can and pray he either loses the will to fight period, or he snaps. "I'm sorry, son," I offer sincerely. "Neither Videl or I meant for things to come to this. We never wanted to hurt you -"

"Liar!" he screams as his eyes suddenly become wild and his power once again begins to climb. "You made her-"

"Did Videl claim that I took her against her will?" I ask, though it comes out much harsher than I had intended it to.

His mouth opens once, then snaps shut. And opens again. "She... she's scared... confused. She didn't know what she was saying!"

"I've only really gotten to know Videl recently, and even I know that she doesn't speak mindlessly. The problem is that you don't listen!" I shout back as my own annoyance begins to rise past my point of just sitting there and taking it.

Besides, whether this is the time or place, there's some stuff I've wanted to tell Gohan for a while now, and to hell with the ridiculous stupid act.

"How many times has she asked for your time, and you've just pushed her aside?" I accuse heatedly. "How often has she waited up for you to come home from work only to have you walk right past her? How many nights have gone by without even looking at her before turning your back to her and going to sleep? How many times has she told you she loved you and not had it returned? Huh? How many, Gohan?"

He snaps his gaping mouth shut, his face glowing with rage. "You don't know anything about relationship with Videl! She knows how I feel about her!"

I raise an eyebrow as a past conversation flashes through my mind. "Knowing love and feeling love are two very different things," I repeat matter-of-factly.

The recognition is instantaneous, and he blanches in a combination of shock and confusion as the wise words spoken by wife fall from my lips.

I nod once. "Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

"H-how did you -"

"Because _I_ make it a point to pay attention when she tells me these things," I snap as the waves of emotions that have been piling up over years of being on the receiving end of an identical type of neglect and months of enduring the tales from Videl take over, and the sheer desperation of this entire face-off finally crashes down as well, effectively destroying any semblance of restraint I've been clinging to when dealing with Gohan. None of this should have happened! None of it! And it's about damned time he realized it. "God knows someone had to since you wouldn't, even though that's what people who truly love each other are _supposed_ to do."

He growls loudly as he flies within inches of me and grabs me around my already bruised throat, his eyes flashing dangerously. "Damn it, I _do_ love her!"

With so many pent-up and unveiled emotions coursing through me, I simply spit out the first thing that reaches my mouth before my brain even registers it.

"_So do I!_"

Oh gods... I shouldn't have said that. I mean, I _really_ shouldn't have.

But I can't ignore the strange sense of relief that washes over me. I've kept that to myself for a while now, and it's like a weight's been lifted now that I've let myself say it out loud... even if it is to the last person on the planet I should have admitted it to.

Time seems to stand still as Gohan's hand falls from my neck and his sea-green glare becomes a probing gaze that seems to be trying to look within my very being. I remain completely motionless and allow my own eyes to open themselves up to him so that he can find whatever it is he seems to be looking for within them; we stay just like that for an unknown amount of time, both of us simply floating in the sky while speaking volumes that need no words.

And then, the inevitable finally happens.

He loses it.

I have a fraction of a second to power up and move back before he comes in hard and fast, a blinding series of punches forcing me from side to side faster than the eyes of anyone on the ground will be able to follow just to avoid ending up knocked into next week. With a deafening roar, he pushes himself to his limit for the first time and comes at me once again, this time combining a rapid succession of jabs with powerful kicks that I have to duck and dodge frantically while keeping my senses alert for any sign of a weak spot in his attack.

It's times like these that remind me why I've never stopped training. Thank God for foresight!

It becomes clear that simple avoidance isn't going to cut it, mainly because he's showing no signs of slowing down anytime soon, and I've been in this form for too long so I'm already beginning to feel the strain this level puts on my energy. With one last move back, I grit my teeth and rush forward just as Gohan's pulling his arm back from his last swing.

His eyes grow wide as soon as he realizes the fight's no longer one-sided and managed to get a forearm in front of his face just in time to deflect my fist from going straight into it, but doing that leaves his midsection totally unguarded for a tenth of a second.

And that's all I need.

With my weak arm, I send one punch into his abdomen, forcing the air from his lungs and bending him over at the waist.

"I'm sorry, Gohan."

I thread my hand together just as he moves to straighten out and land the final blow to the back of his skull, sending him flying unconscious to the ground. He never actually hits it though, because as soon as I am sure he won't be waking up from that attack, I quickly put my fingers to my forehead and faze out, coming back just beneath him so that he lands in my arms just as I have to put on the brakes to make sure I don't create two lake-size craters in one day.

Besides, even I have my limits, and though my physical limit may not have been met, my emotional one's been reached several times over today.

By the time I reach the ground, I've discarded the Super Saiyajin form altogether, though it makes every ache and pain hurt that much more. Still, I have to make sure I have enough strength left to get us all home...

"Goku!"

I look over in time to see the three who've been waiting run towards me as I lay Gohan down. "Well," I begin as they reach us and Videl and Piccolo kneel on either side of Gohan, "he's probably gonna be a little sore and his head's gonna throb like hell, but he'll be okay as far as all that goes."

She nods once before turning her eyes to me. "And you? Are you okay?"

"As good as can be expected, I guess." I take a deep breath before going on. "But... I said some things up there that I shouldn't have - not until you had the chance to talk to him, at least."

She chews on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "So he knows?"

"He doesn't know anything specific," I explain softly, reality sinking into my brain as I consider how best to explain what went on up there. "But he knows you weren't forced, and he probably knows this wasn't the first time, though I didn't actually tell him in so many words."

"Well, he was going to find out anyway," she replies softly before giving me a sad smile, "so does the method really matter?"

My depleted energy is catching up with me, and I plop myself down on the ground with as much grace as a sumo wrestler, though I can't help but grin sedately at my own words being used against me - her way of both trying to make me feel better and again voicing her displeasure with my earlier decision to let him believe that she had no part in what happened. "Point taken."

"Well, now that the two of you seem to be satisfied," Piccolo interrupts gruffly, "you can explain yourselves."

Videl's gaze immediately falls to her hands that are weaved tightly together in her lap, but she doesn't have to worry. He's not expecting anything from her. It's me he wants answers from; the blatant glare planted on me tells me as much.

Well, he's gonna be sorely disappointed, because I'm done with airing dirty laundry for the day.

Vegeta seems to sense it, and he narrows an irritated gaze at Piccolo. "As I said before, it is none of your affair. Your student is unharmed. You can leave now."

"I don't think so," Piccolo responds flatly. "Gohan will need support now, and since he won't have his father," - he shoots another scathing glance at me out of the corner of his eye - "I should be with him."

Before Vegeta can argue, I decide to put in my two cents. "Piccolo's right, Vegeta. Gohan will want him close when he wakes up anyway, so there's no need for anyone to make two trips. Besides, someone needs to take him home. I would, but if he happens to wake up now..."

Piccolo's lip curls in disgust for a moment before he takes a deep breath. "I'll take him," he offers as he picks Gohan up and throws him over his shoulder. "But... this isn't finished, Son," he adds solemnly.

Yeah, I know I have to try and explain eventually. Just not right now. Right now I have something else I have to do.

I nod once before looking to Vegeta. "You mind going with him? Just in case Gohan decides to try and blow up the house or something?"

We both know it's a pointless request for any reason but one, and Vegeta acknowledges that face with a curt nod.

Piccolo gapes for a moment. "What the hell are you going to be doing?"

"I need to talk to Videl for a minute."

"You can't be serious?" Piccolo rages hotly. "Haven't you done enough? Damn it, Son -"

"We won't be long," I respond, leaving no doubt that I have no intention of changing my mind, right or wrong. "But there are things we have to discuss, and I would appreciate some privacy."

His steely gaze remains on me for a moment before he finally grunts and takes to the sky, closely followed by Vegeta, leaving me alone with Videl once again.

Alone to do the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I allow myself time to consider what I'm going to say very carefully, trying my best to weed out the feelings that threaten to tear me apart. "Videl... I'm sorry. For everything."

She draws in a tremulous breath. "So am I, Goku."

God... how can anything hurt this much?

"I know what you're going to say," she whispers, her words thick with anguish.

I nod, not allowing myself to look at her for fear I'll buckle right then and there. "Yeah, but I want you to promise me something as well."

"What?"

"Promise me that, no matter what, you'll work things out with him," I reply.

I hear her gasp softly. "I... I don't know if we can, Goku. After what just happened, I'm not even sure he'll want to."

I knew she would say that. "He will," I offer knowingly. "Believe me, once you sit down and explain everything, he'll want you more than ever, and I doubt he'll ever take you for granted again. It's a painful way to realize it, but that will pass with time once you two get things sorted out. It won't be easy for either of you, but I think it'll be best for everyone in the end. Can you promise me that?"

After a significant pause, she lets out a long sigh. "No." I snap my head up and see her just as she continues. "But I promise to try for the sake of my family." She smiles apologetically, and I realize that my mouth is still open even though I'm speechless. "What about you and Chichi? What are you going to do?"

Oh God... "I have no idea," I manage after I shake myself out of it. "I guess that depends on Gohan. There's a chance he may not want to tell her for fear of hurting her," I reason, "though if he still wants me dead, that's the best way to go about it, I suppose..."

"I'll make sure he doesn't tell her," Videl states firmly after a moment. "The last thing I want is for her to take any ill feelings out on Pan. Dealing with Gohan will be hard enough, especially since Pan's crazy about you."

I nod once again and look up at the morning sky as a cluster of birds glide overhead. "Thank you... for everything." Out of the corner of my eye, I see the confused look she's giving me, but I ignore it and get on my feet. "We better go before Piccolo comes looking. Besides," I add tiredly, "it seems our little skirmish has attracted some attention."

"Someone's coming?" she asks quickly as she stands and looks to the sky.

"Well, it's not often that I transform into a Super Saiyajin Three, and it's even rarer for Gohan to max himself out. Both happening simultaneously will put anyone that can sense ki on red alert... especially in our group." I do a quick check and nod negligibly to myself. "Feels like everyone except Krillen's headed to your house - probably cause that's where Vegeta and Piccolo are."

"Oh."

I know... believe me, I don't wanna go either, cause once we leave this place, it's over.

_Really_ over.

And if we don't get the hell outta here, I might just change my mind.

"C'mon," I urge gently, offering my hand.

Her chin trembles for an instant, but she quickly clamps her jaw tightly before weaving our finger together for the last time and keeps her soulful eyes locked unwaveringly onto mine as we make the instantaneous trip home.

It's ironic, really. I've died twice, but as we step onto our joint lawn and her hand hesitantly lets go of mine, it's the first time I've ever actually _felt_ dead.


	7. Chapter 7

_Special thanks to BluEydMnstr for proving that behind every good author, there's a great beta reader._

**Chapter Seven:**

**Wake Up **

It's like I'm watching everything without actually being part of it. Maybe it's because the moment Goku let go of my hand, I knew the time had come to face Gohan, or maybe it's the fact that what I feel right now can't be reconciled with my conscience. I feel guilt, anger, remorse, loss... though I doubt it's the appropriate amount, and I know it's for all the wrong reasons. I regret that my husband found out the way he did, but do I regret doing it? Do I regret the relationship I've had with Goku? Do I regret falling in love with another man even though I'm married and have a child?

No. And it doesn't help that as I walk slowly away from Goku and towards my house - back to Gohan - my heart is telling me that I'm moving in the wrong direction.

I may not be sure of anything else, but as I walk numbly into my house, I realize that I have to get Pan out of here. God help me if she were to be near when her father wakes up. I ignore all of the curious onlookers in my living room that I'm guessing arrived while Goku and I were talking and make my way to the staircase that leads to her room. Before I can get there, Piccolo stops me.

"If you're worried about your daughter, don't be," he states gruffly, looking straight ahead rather than at me. "Vegeta already sent her to Capsule Corps." I must have looked mortified at the possibility of what she might have been told, but Piccolo shakes his head. "He told her Gohan was hurt in a fight. He didn't say by whom or why." Then he finally does turn his narrowed eyes to me. "That will be up to you, Videl."

Maybe so, but I can't tell her anything until I've talked to Gohan, and I really need to speak with Goku, as well. Our last, very brief conversation is just now beginning to really register in my head, and I have a feeling I won't be able to do what's best for all of us until I've cleared the air with both of them.

"What about Chichi?" I spin around to see Goku standing behind me, though his eyes are focused upstairs. "Is she with Gohan now?"

Piccolo grimaces before nodding once. "Yeah. Needless to say, she wants to know what happened to him."

"I think we all do," Krillin adds as he closes the front door. "Hell, I wanna know what happened to both of you! Were you guys fighting something or what?"

I immediately glance at Goku and find that his eyes have simultaneously moved to greet mine, and I hear Piccolo growl softly as well. Well, I'm sorry if you don't like the fact that we are looking to one another, Piccolo, but we are the ones that have to deal with the crowd that's been attracted to my house this morning.

Oh God... what do we tell these people?

Then Goku leans forward. "I'll handle it," he whispers. "You just worry about Gohan."

Ha, that's a lot easier said than done. Still, Goku knows these people a lot better than I do, and I trust him, so I give him a subtle nod in reply and swallow tightly. I guess I should go upstairs and wait for Gohan to wake up.

He watches me intently for another second before placing his hand gently on my shoulder, though his expression is strained. "Everything's gonna be okay, Videl. You'll see."

Yeah, tell me that when you believe it yourself, Goku.

I'm not surprised that she's eying me skeptically. Hell, nothing is all right, we both know that. Still, Gohan deserves another chance to do things right, and Videl needs the opportunity to love and be loved by the man she's married to. And I have my own wife to worry about. I just wish the little voice in the back of my head that's telling me, 'Just because walking away is the lesser of two evils doesn't necessarily make it _right_,' would shut up and let my heart break in peace. Besides, I have other things to deal with at the moment. Like the group behind me that I know for a fact is watching my every move.

Well, better not leave these guys hanging. I want them all gone before Gohan regains consciousness, just in case he feels the need for round two before Videl can talk to him.

When I let go of Videl and make my way back into the living room, everyone straightens up, looking at me expectantly. Thankfully, they'll all probably assume my behavior is stemming more from Gohan's condition than anything else. I automatically put my hand behind my head and laugh nervously before I say anything. "Sorry, I didn't mean for us to bring you guys out here for nothing," I offer lamely.

Goten stands up from his place on the couch between Trunks and Yamcha. "What happened, Dad?"

"Yeah, who were you two fighting?" Krillin asks from his place behind me as he walks in and stops beside me. "I sensed Vegeta and Piccolo with you guys, but you're the only one that looks like they got beat up."

Damn! I glance down and notice that my pants are torn to hell and smeared with dirt and blood, and my bare back and chest look like someone put me through a meat grinder. "We... uh," I stutter stupidly - just more reason for everyone to think I'm an idiot, but this time I really have no clue what to say. Damn it... "Listen you guys, Gohan and I weren't fighting anyone else. I really can't explain -"

"You mean you were fighting each other?" Trunks asks in disbelief. I nod stiffly, and his eyes get wide. "But why? You two weren't sparring, were you?"

"Gohan doesn't use his full power to spar," Goten supplies quickly, "and I could sense his anger. Did you two have a fight?" he questions blindly.

It may be the understatement of the year, but it's good enough for me. "Yeah, something like that," I reply softly.

"But Gohan's one of the calmest guys in the world," Yamcha interjects. "I can't imagine anything that would set him off enough to attack you, Goku. It doesn't make any sense!"

"No kidding," Krillin adds. "I didn't think anything short of planetary destruction could piss Gohan off and make him _want_ to fight."

You know, if I was anyone else, I'm pretty sure they would have already begun suspecting what happened, especially since Videl and I walked in together after Piccolo and Vegeta had brought Gohan home. "Look, what happened is... well... it's between me and Gohan. I don't like leaving you guys in the dark, but I don't feel right getting into all of it until he and I have a chance to sort things out."

Of course, even if we do figure everything out, I'm still not gonna tell them about this. If Gohan wants to, so be it, but it won't be me.

I can feel the uncertainty and tension in the room. They all want to know what's going on; I just have to hope they're willing to do as I ask and let it go.

"Well, as long as you think everything's okay," Krillin finally says with a shrug, "then I guess that's good enough for me."

Thank you, Krillin. You're always one I can count on. "It will be," I respond, clapping him on the back, "and I appreciate your concern."

"Yeah... well... what're best friends for, right?"

Trust me, if there's anyone in the world I'll spill my guts to when this is over with, it'll be you. "Right."

"Alrighty then, I better get back. Eighteen's gonna be wondering where I flew off to in such a hurry," Krillin offers with a half-hearted grin before turning his attention to the rest of the group. "C'mon guys, let's leave Goku and Gohan to work things out."

Yamcha's the first to follow Krillin's lead, but he stops in front of me for a moment. "If you need us, we'll be here. You know that."

I offer him a lopsided grin in honest gratitude. It's times like these that remind me why I love these guys so much. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, Yamcha."

Those two are out the door before Goten and Trunks approach. "You sure we should leave?" Goten asks hopefully. "Maybe I can talk to him?"

"I'm sure that if Goten and I -"

"Kakarotto made it clear that he has no need of your assistance," Vegeta cuts in from his post outside Gohan's room on the second floor. "Take Goten and leave."

"But," Trunks begins nervously before Vegeta stops him in mid-sentence again.

"If I am forced to repeat myself, it will not be with words, boy."

That seems to do the trick. Both Trunks and Goten take a step back and gulp anxiously, and both of their young faces drain of color at the prospect. The fact that they did it all at exactly the same time makes it almost comical.

"Yes, Father," Trunks manages, his voice several notes higher than normal as he jerks my youngest's arm. They glance at one another for a moment before Goten gives Trunks a nod.

"I'll come by tomorrow," Goten says as he walks up. "And promise me you'll take a senzu bean," he adds hesitantly. "You look like you're in pretty bad shape."

Unfortunately, there's no magic bean in the universe that can fix what's wrong with me, but I concede with my trademark grin and watch the pair leave before dropping the moron routine altogether.

Gods, I'm tired. And I still have to deal with Chichi. Damn it... I don't think I can right now, not without saying or doing something I may regret later. "Guys," I announce numbly, "If Chi asks, I'm gonna go clear some of the damage we did."

It may be a weak excuse for some time alone, but Chichi will consider it business as usual, Vegeta won't care either way, and I don't give a damn what Piccolo thinks of it. As for Videl, I make sure to turn and leave without looking at her and try to ignore the feeling that wells up within me that says I'm abandoning her to deal with Gohan alone. _Again_.

* * *

No one tries to stop Goku from leaving, though it takes all of my will not to follow him. I know exactly where he's going and why, and I suppress a shudder at the memory of the secluded corner of woods that became our place destroyed in blind rage. How could anyone be so angry that they couldn't see the beauty of it and want to protect it at all costs? I grew up in the concrete jungles of the big city, and even after getting married and moving in among the forest and its wildlife, I never had the chance to explore much of the scenery around my new home. I still remember seeing that cove the first time. It was virtually untouched by the hands of man, yet everything within it - the crystal-clear water of the brook, the smoothed, multi-colored boulders and pebbles scattered along the bottom and at the water's edge, the lush emerald grass that felt like the most exquisite silk-fibered carpet Mother Nature could weave with her own hands, the ancient trees whose branches reached one to another, creating a canopy over almost the entire area as if shielding it from anyone who may wish to do it harm - was so seamlessly perfect that the gods themselves must have designed it over countless millennia as their greatest masterpiece. And Goku had been its guardian angel.

But now... now it's gone. Broken. Irreparable. Stolen. Shattered. Defiled. The pieces that had combined to create a perfect whole have been viciously torn apart by someone who just couldn't understand how rare and precious it was. Oh Goku, it can't ever be what it was before, can it? It was an enigma, a miracle that only happens once, wasn't it? All that can be done now is to clear away the debris and make due with what's left, right?

From my place at the foot of the stairs, the soft pit-pat sound of raindrops colliding against the window glass reaches my ears, and I turn quickly to look out my patio door. Sure enough, the clouds that had been billowy in the early morning have become dark and ominous, and I see that the wind is picking up as well, causing the shrubs and flowers in the backyard to quiver and bend.

I don't even realize that I've moved until the door swings wide and the rain greets my face, but I keep going until I'm off of the patio and on the grass. I look up as the first boom of thunder crashes in the distance, wanting to do nothing now but grieve with the heavens for the passing of something so special, so amazing.

As the light shower that's falling from the sky slowly builds into a downpour, so do my tears, and after a few minutes, I sink to my knees and let everything that's happened finally find release.

It's over. It's really _over_.

No more leisurely walks through the woods. No more playful spars. No more midday lunches by the lake. No more genuine, brilliant smiles beneath fiery eyes. No more uninhibited passion. No more shameless acts of love.

How can I go back to the way things were with Gohan? Especially now that I know there can be so much more? I don't even know if Gohan is capable of so many of those things, and even if he is, I don't think it would matter, because he's not Goku. And I know it's wrong, and I know it's selfish, and I know it's... it's _impossible_ - he has a wife and family, too, and Gohan's his son, for God's sake! - but I'll be damned if my heart will listen to any of that. I felt so lost just after not being able to be with him for a few days, but now... this time, it really _is_ never.

Even now, I just wish Goku would appear out of nowhere and wrap me in his arms and hold me, telling me it's okay. I don't care if it's not necessarily true - of course it would be hard, and, God help me, I can only imagine what it would do to my daughter - because he'd be here and holding me right now instead of suffering alone.

Hell, at least I'm going to get a chance to get it all out with Gohan. Even if it hurts him, and even if it means the end of my marriage, at least I'll be able to tell him how I felt for so long. But Goku can't do that. Instead, he's going to have to go back to Chichi and that infuriating idiot persona. He risked... everything to save me from this kind of pain, and now he's expecting me to desert him to suffer through the same hell all by himself once again.

I can't do this. I _can't_! I know I promised him I would try, but... is it really possible to go back? Is it feasible to return to a man who can't see the difference between love and logic? Even if my husband does try to be more of what I need him to be, how can I be satisfied with an act when I know that's not how he truly is? I don't want empty, sugarcoated affection! I don't want an eggshell marriage where we can't be who we are! I've done that for too long with Gohan as it is.

And how the hell can I possibly talk to him about working things out when every ounce of my soul is praying that he won't take me back, because then - even if Goku couldn't live with being with me knowing it would hurt Gohan or he couldn't bring himself to leave Chichi - at least I wouldn't be living a lie, pretending not to love Goku when I do and acting as though I'm still in love with my husband when I'm not.

Oh... _oh gods_...

But it's true. I'm not in love with Gohan, and now that I realize that, I really can't remember the last time I felt sure that I still was. Even in the beginning when marrying him made so much sense - his mother adored me and my family's stature, and once my father realized who and what Gohan was, he embraced him whole-heartedly as the only man suitable for me because of his inhuman strength and amazing skill as a fighter - there was always that gap there. I saw the passion he displayed in a fight when he had no choice and it drew me like a moth to a flame. I knew of course that he wasn't always like that, that he was usually quiet and reserved and perfectly content to sit back and watch the world go by as long as it wasn't in peril.

He wasn't always indifferent towards me, though. In the beginning, there was something very special between us, but was it enough to sustain a marriage? Is it enough to get us through something like this? I would have said yes way back then when I was young and naive, when he still made an effort to show me how he felt, before I knew just how much more there could be. But looking back on it now?

I honestly don't know anymore.

The rain continues to fall in steady streams that pelt my body, the skimpy outfit I'm wearing providing no real protection from the storm raging in the skies above me. I barely notice as I continue to shake uncontrollably, both from the gusting wind hitting my heated skin and the anguished sobbing I can't seem to stop even though my chest feels like there's a vise crushing me and the muscles in my jaw begin to cramp from flexing so much.

There's still that part of me that knows I can't just walk out on Gohan without giving our marriage another chance, but that little voice in my head makes me cry even harder. Whether this increasing feeling of sorrow is because going back to Gohan will mean completely cutting myself from Goku - even casual contact won't be a possibility for a long time, I'm sure - or it's the uncertainty of putting myself back into a situation where I could just be prolonging the inevitable and we will both be hurt even more in the end, I'm not sure.

I know I can never go back to the way my life was before Goku. Anything beyond that is a foreboding mystery that I'm scared to death to reveal. Then again, I can still see the look on Goku's face when he asked me to promise him that I would go back. If I don't give Gohan a second chance, I'll be breaking my promise as well as hurting my family and his. Could I live with myself and truly be happy knowing how much it would hurt Goku to lose Gohan completely? I still believe that if Gohan and I can find a way to stay together, then Gohan could eventually forgive his father for what's happened. I mean, they have such a strong bond that I would hope it could overcome the mistakes we made.

But if that's really true, why doesn't loving Goku feel like a mistake as well? It should, shouldn't it? If our relationship was nothing more than bad judgment born out of desperation and loneliness, then why in God's name did we fall in love? Why do I feel as though a part of me has died when I think about never being with Goku again? Why does it seem like the best parts of me that have been reawakened in the last few months will wilt away without him? Growing up, I was taught that there was no such thing as the 'perfect' man because it's not possible for anyone to be perfect, but now I realize that the people who said that were only half right.

Goku may not be perfect, but there's no doubt in my mind that he's perfect for _me_, and that makes the knowledge that we can't be together hurt that much more as I bow my head until it's resting on my muddy knees and continue to mourn the loss of love as we've known it.

* * *

Once I capsulized what was left of the house and disintegrated the worst of the debris, it was easy enough to begin clearing the uprooted trees and shattered rocks from the area despite the sudden onslaught of wind and rain that started up a little while ago. It's actually been a hell of a lot harder not to rush back to Videl and take back the promise I asked for.

I regret that the animals that called this peaceful area of the woods their home will be forced to relocate now, but in a way that I know is selfish, I'm glad this place is gone. If it were still intact, I'd probably be out here every day from now on drowning in the memory of feelings I'll never be able to share again. Sure, if Gohan chooses not to tell Chichi about any of this, I'll be able to go back home and return to my old routine of playing the fool all the time, training and fishing and hiding out away from the house during the day, coming back at night only to eat and sleep in a room down the hall from the woman I've been married to for thirty years just so I don't accidentally touch her and get thrown out for 'trying something.'

I know it's not all my wife's fault. God knows I haven't been the easiest man to be married to, and she's had to do a lot on her own. I really believe that we loved each other the best way we knew how considering how young we were when we got married and that neither of us had any idea what it actually meant to be in love. It's not her fault that we never seemed to be able to get to that level in our relationship. Hell, now that I've experienced it, I know that we never had a chance at it at all. We're too different in every way that matters to be able to connect like that, like oil and water. Chi didn't know what she was getting herself into all those years ago when she cornered me at the tournament. How could she? I didn't even know the half of what there was to know about me until years later. Even if I don't count the whole alien aspect of it, she hadn't seen me since we were both children when we tied the knot.

As for me... gods, I was so naive back then, and look where it's gotten me now.

Sadness and gratitude divide my heart, though there's a lot more of the bad than the good. Still, I'm thankful for the short time I had with Videl. Sure, it wasn't nearly long enough, but she's taught me a lot over these last few months that, for better or worse, have changed me a great deal. I can recognize different kinds of love now, and I actually understand myself better because of that.

Then again, as I sit on the riverbank and stare at turbulent water being battered by a storm that came out of nowhere, I can't help but think that whatever dumbass came up with the saying 'It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all' had never actually been in love and therefore didn't have a clue what he was talking about.

I'm jerked away from my sullen reverie by the distinct feel of Gohan's ki going up. He must finally be coming to. Once again, the feeling of guilt assaults me as I think of Videl trying to handle him all by herself. I know that my presence wouldn't help things, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to be there just in case she needs my support.

Or in case she just needs me instead of him...

No, I can't think like that! I have to quit thinking about her like she's still my lover and go back to her being nothing more than my daughter-in-law. Yeah... _right_. I won't ever be able to do that. Even if I could manage to push my feelings for her back far enough that they weren't tearing me apart, I could never see her like I did before all this happened. _Never_.

Shit! I just realized that if I _don't_ go back, not only will Videl be dealing with Gohan, but with Chichi, too. I groan miserably at the image in my head of my wife cornering her, asking all types of questions that Videl shouldn't have to answer. Chi's not her responsibility, and God knows she's got enough to deal with without her adding to it all.

Guess it's time to head for home, after all; I was going to have to do it eventually.

I pick myself up and blink against the sheets of rain that are blowing into my eyes before finally using my ki to shield me from the onslaught as I lift off the ground and make my way back. I stay low so that I'm below the clouds while keeping my senses on alert just in case the large bolts of lightning that are streaking the sky decide to take a shot at me. While I'm doing that, I double-check on Gohan and feel his energy fluctuating slightly, though his levels show that there's no immediate danger. At least I can take a little comfort in that. I unconsciously look for Videl's immediately after, though I'm made very aware of it when I realize that she's not with Gohan yet. As a matter of fact, the closer I get to our houses, the more sure I become that's she's not inside at all, though she's definitely close by.

What the hell is she doing out in this weather? I increase my speed, intent on finding out, and to hell with what anyone thinks of it.

Everyone's still at Videl's house when I land, so I go ahead and make my way to the door, but before I make it there, it flies open.

"Alright, you're going to tell me what the hell's going on here right now!"

Well, hello to you too, dear. "What d'ya mean?" I reply innocently as I take the last few steps to the door.

Her eyes go wide before narrowing angrily in the annoyed expression I've come to know all too well over the years. "Oh no, you don't! You're soaking wet and you look like you've been rolling around in the mud. You're not tracking that onto Gohan and Videl's nice carpet!"

I sigh tiredly and turn around, take a few steps away from the house and scrub myself down while the rain washes over me like a cold shower. After a few minutes, I'm pretty sure I'll pass inspection, so I walk back and use my ki to dry off and stay that way before standing before my wife again. "Is this better?"

She shakes her head and closes her eyes. "Just take your shoes off," she instructs sternly, "and I suppose -"

I blink a few times when her mouth falls open and eyes become saucers. "Uh... you okay, Chi?"

"God, Goku-san... what happened to you?" she shrieks loud enough to make me wince before every bit of anger is gone from her face, replaced by pure anxiety. "Get in here so I can take a look at you!"

It's times like these that I wonder if she doesn't suffer from some type of multiple personality disorder. Of course, it's better than her being mad at me, and I do appreciate that she's worried about me, so I don't protest as she grabs me by my sore arm and drags me to the couch in the living room.

"Sit."

I give her a reassuring grin. "Really, Chi, I'm fine -"

"_Sit_!"

In that case, I guess I'll sit, though I just _barely_ refrain from barking like a dog when I do it.

As Chichi checks me over, I glance out the corner of my eye and see Piccolo and Vegeta both standing against the far wall with their eyes locked onto something behind us, and though I can't see Gohan, I know he's just out of my line of sight unless I turn my head. "Hey, Chichi," I begin carefully, "where's Videl?"

She stops and stares at me for a second before blanching. "Oh no! I forgot about her!"

"What do you mean?" I ask, leaning forward and almost knocking her over in the process.

She doesn't seem to notice as she straightens herself and huffs. "I'll have you know that poor girl is in the backyard crying, and I want to know what you two did to upset her so much!" Her sharp gaze leaves me and moves to the side, and I turn around and see that she's now glaring at Gohan's back as he peers out the back door. And when I look past him and outside, I see her folded like a paper fan - toe to knee on the ground, knee to waist over that and finally her chest over that with her head against her legs. Both of her fists are balled tight and are clutching the soaked grass on either side of her, and I can see the erratic shaking of her body that could be crying or cold or both.

"Well?" Chichi fumes as her anxious eyes go back and forth between me and Gohan. "One of you, go out there and get her before she catches pneumonia!"

I give Gohan a second to react, but he seems to be in a daze so I get up and sprint to the door, throwing it wide before I run the rest of the way to her side. "Videl?" When she doesn't move, I crouch down and put my hand on her back and shake her gently. "Videl... Videl!" I finally shout when she doesn't respond to the second call.

This time, her whole body jerks before she lifts herself up and her sallow, red-rimmed blue eyes meet mine. "G-G-Goku?"

Oh gods, she's freezing! "Come on," I urge softly as I wrap an arm around her and gently lift her onto her feet. She doesn't protest, but she doesn't hold her own weight, either, and as soon as I loosen my grip, she slumps weakly against me. I catch her before she falls and, without another thought, scoop her up so that she's curled against my chest. I frown worriedly as I notice the dark circles under her closed eyes that contrast sharply against the paler-than-normal complexion. God, she must have been out here for a while...

"Damn it, Videl, what are you trying to do to yourself?" I whisper before turning and taking her inside, though I'm not surprised when a sniffle is the only answer I get.

As soon as we get in, Chichi closes the door hard enough to rattle the glass and rushes to us. "Oh no, she's shaking like a leaf! I'll call Bulma and get her to -"

"No, p-p-please d-don't do that," Videl croaks raggedly, followed by a rough fit of coughing. "I-I'm okay," she continues painfully.

"Ugh! I swear, you sound just like Goku!" Chichi observes impatiently, causing Gohan to growl softly while I raise an eyebrow.

She doesn't know the half of it. "She's alright, I think. Just tired and cold. She just needs to lay down and get warmed up," I offer knowingly.

Chichi stares at me for a minute before rolling her eyes in defeat. "Fine, then take her to her room so we can get her out of those wet clothes and under a few blankets," she states after a moment.

I glance at Gohan for a second and see that he's got his fingers wound into tight fists and the muscle in his jaw is twitching, but he appears to keep himself from saying anything. Of course he won't, I realize, because if he did, then he'd have to explain why he's unwilling to let me carry Videl. I can't help the 'you had your chance' look I give him before I turn my attention back to Chichi and Videl. "Here," I offer, raising my ki once again, "I'll dry her off and get her body temperature back to normal."

It only takes a minute to do both, though Videl is still shaking slightly as I drop my power once again and levitate off the floor a few inches so I can float the two of us to her room without jarring her too much while Gohan and Chichi follow closely behind. Once I get there, I walk her over to the large four-poster bed and pull back the blanket, laying her down carefully before drawing the thick comforter back up until it's under her chin. She whimpers softly when I let her go, but almost as soon as she's situated comfortably, she's fast asleep.

"Alright, I'm going to go downstairs and fix her some hot tea," Chichi announces. "Goku, you get out of there and let her rest!" I nod without turning around, but it seems to be enough to satisfy my wife, and I hear her footsteps move out of the doorway and into the hall before trudging down the stairs.

"You can leave now," Gohan states tightly, his features pinched. "I'll take care of her."

He's right. It's not my place to stay, after all, but still... "Yeah," I respond hesitantly, and I turn around and make my way back to the door. When I get there, I stop. "Make sure you do, son. Make damned sure you do."

He growls at me again, louder this time. "I will."

Deep down, I hope and pray that's true, because this is his last chance. If he fucks it up this time and she comes to me again, I don't think I'd be able to give her up a second time. But instead of saying that, I nod negligibly and leave the two of them alone.

* * *

I hear a soft, relaxed moan muffled by a pillow and realize as the comforting blanket of sleep begins to slip away that it was me that made the noise, and even more surprisingly, that I'm snuggled cozily in a large bed - a far cry from being huddled in the rain-battered backyard, which is the last thing I remember clearly. The rest is just a blur, except for being held. I distinctly remember being held protectively against a strong body that I intuitively know was Goku, and then the most amazing... _warmth_.

For only a moment, I allow myself to become hopeful by the vague images in my head. Maybe it was all just a horrible dream? Maybe when I open my eyes, I'll be greeted with the sight of Goku beside me like I have so many times before when I've dozed off, propped up on his elbow casually like a blue-collar Adonis with a warm smile on his lips and a glow within the depths of those endless midnight eyes. I turn to the other side of the bed, saying a silent prayer that he'll be there, that it was all just a nightmare born out of guilt from my recent self-admission of love for him...

The movement makes it feel like someone just shoved an ice pick through the side of my head.

My eyes shoot open, and I groan involuntarily at both the intense pain and the fact that this is incontrovertible proof that the last several hours actually did happen, after all. Then, as the throbbing subsides, my eyes begin to focus on the man standing like a statue against the wall across from me, his arms crossed defensively over his chest and his normally passive onyx gaze level and unreadable. I squeeze my eyes shut and hiss through my teeth as I sit up slowly, gingerly stretching my sore muscles while trying my best not to aggravate my pounding headache.

It feels like it takes forever, but I finally manage to get myself on my feet - which must have taken quite a bit of damage as well because they hurt like hell now - and even though my legs feel weak and rubbery, I force myself to take a few tentative steps along the side of the bed. I try to keep my face straight as I walk, but I end up wincing with every damned step anyway. Shit! I don't know why it bothers me so much that I'm not able to hide my discomfort from Gohan, but when I realize that he's moved and is beside me now, reaching as if to help me, my mild irritation skyrockets into something infinitely more fierce.

It's now that I realize that I've used up every other possible emotion. Goku healed the original heartbreak, cleansing me of all the pain and sorrow and self-loathing I suffered from in my shell of a marriage, and right now, though I still feel the sting of grief at the thought of never being with Goku again, there is an emptiness that comes when you've cried all the tears you can at one time. Still, through everything that's happened, I've never just been mad as hell.

Well, right or wrong, I am now.

I jerk away from him and continue walking, the rage giving me the self-control I couldn't find before to stand straight and ignore the stabbing pain as I make my way to my closet and grab my robe. I hear him shuffle uncertainly, but I'll be damned if I'm going to acknowledge it. Instead, I take my robe over my shoulder and turn about-face and head purposefully towards the bedroom door.

That seems to be enough to finally make him speak. "Videl... where are you going?" he asks in a strangled voice.

I don't bother turning around. "I'm going to take a shower and clean this cut," I reply evenly, though deceptively soft for the hard edge in my tone.

A tense pause. "Then I'll help you -"

"I can manage just fine." I take the final steps needed and open the door before I feel his hand on my arm, firmly keeping me back.

"Your energy is low," he states tightly, his voice marred by indecision. "I don't want you to get hurt."

I take a deep breath and turn my head so I can look him straight in the eye and he can see everything that I'm feeling now. "It's a little late for that, Gohan," I whisper meaningfully. We both know I'm not talking about the bump on my head, and he releases me without another word so I can clean myself up. The knowledge that we will talk afterward is understood, even if it is unspoken.

I didn't feel exponentially better emotionally, but I was a lot less sore and sticky once I stepped out of the shower, though the hot water apparently caused the gash on my temple to start bleeding again, forcing me to work on it immediately after drying myself off. After cleaning and bandaging that, I spent several more minutes removing small pieces of glass and splintered wood out of my feet before finally going back to my bedroom where I know Gohan is waiting for me.

So this is it. This is the moment I've dreaded for months, imagining the mortified guilt and sadness I would feel facing my husband after my affair with Goku was exposed.

Strange, but I don't feel any of that. Not yet, at least. Right now I just feel... displaced. Now that the anger has diminished somewhat, it's as if I'm a stranger within this whole situation. I have a series of facts regarding the events that led up to this, but no subjective opinions about it all. Simple, cool, and rational... just like my husband has been towards me for years.

But unlike him, I don't like feeling this way at all.

I take several cleansing breaths before finally re-entering my bedroom to find Gohan and Piccolo talking quietly in the corner. Piccolo's face is stern as usual, but his eyes betray his concern for his former student. As for Gohan, he looks like he's lost quite of bit of his earlier tough-guy steam, but that doesn't surprise me. No matter how angry Gohan gets, he just can't be that way very long. He may have been negligent when it came to being an attentive, loving husband, but his kind and gentle nature is the same as the first day he walked into my class at Orange Star High School. He's always been a good man with a big heart, and calling that fact to mind helps me push back the remaining spite I've been feeling towards him. I know he doesn't really deserve it. Hell, he's the one who was cheated on, so I have to remember that he's hurt now just as much as I was before, if not more so. Now the question is, what am I willing to do to about it?

I have no way of knowing until we actually get everything out in the open.

Piccolo glances at me out of the corner of his eye for a second before placing a clawed hand on Gohan's shoulder, murmuring a few last words. Then he turns and leaves, giving me a curt nod on the way out, and I'm surprised to see that the majority of disapproval I saw before has been replaced by something I don't readily recognize. He's gone before I have a chance to consider what the look he gave me means, and I'm alone with my husband once again.

Gohan sits on the bed with his hands woven tightly together and watches me as I limp gingerly to my dresser and pull out a loose-fitting pair of sweats, socks - any cushion for my abused feet would be great - and underwear to change into, though I freeze once everything's laid out. We've been married over ten years and we have a child together, so why am I suddenly edgy about him seeing me naked? I know a part of it is because I realized while I was showering that the cuts on my head and feet aren't the only injuries I have, though the rest of the miscellaneous bumps and bruises are minor in comparison. Still, that's not the main reason why I'm hesitant. I bite my lip anxiously and take a quick peek over my shoulder, blushing slightly when I see his eyes are still firmly planted on me.

Then he clears his throat. "Do you want me to wait outside?" he asks timidly.

"No." It's ridiculous to be this self-conscious around him, and it annoys me to no end when I begin to feel that old doubt creep back in from the days when he wouldn't give me a second look and I was beginning to think I had become an old, undesirable hag. Amazing how quickly being alone with my husband makes all those feelings come back to haunt me.

I push that thought aside and drop my robe in a heap on the floor, wincing when I hear Gohan gasp softly. "It's not as bad as it looks," I offer quietly. I put on my underwear as quickly as possible, but as I move to get my pants, my eyes catch sight of him in the mirror walking to me.

"Take this," he instructs numbly, placing the senzu bean in the palm of my shaky hand before walking stiffly back to the bed.

I can guess who gave it to him to give to me, so rather than asking questions that will upset him even more, I put the bitter bean in my mouth and swallow quickly, thankful when I feel the pain recede entirely and the strength return to normal in my limbs. I remove the bandage from my forehead, finish dressing, and with a final look in the mirror, turn and face my husband, knowing this conversation can't be put off any longer.

And I have no idea what to say. "Gohan," I begin tentatively, trying to organize thoughts that were so clear hours ago that have become muddled now that I'm in front of him, "I -"

"I don't want to hear the details of what has been going on between you and... _him_," Gohan interjects hoarsely while his eyes move to his lap. "Right now, I just want to know for how long and... and _why_."

The first is the easier to answer of the two. "Almost four months," I admit reluctantly, and, as I expected, his head jerks up and he makes a harsh, choking sound, disbelief flooding his face that looks so much younger without the coke bottle glasses.

"You've been... seeing him... for that long?" I swallow hard against the tightness in my throat and nod, and Gohan blinks several times as he turns his face away. "Do you" - he clenches his eyes shut and I see his shoulders rise as he takes a deep breath - "do you mean off and on, or..." Rather than finishing, he lets the sentence hang as his gaze moves back to me, something deep within them begging for some kind of mercy, or maybe it's just asking me to take it all back.

Unfortunately, if I'm going to be honest, neither is possible. "It was sporadic at first," I relate vaguely, honoring his request for as few specifics as possible, "but it's been more... frequent... for some time."

He tenses as the muscles in his jaw twitch erratically, and I know what he's going to ask, even though I was hoping he wouldn't. "How frequent?" he manages between clenched teeth.

"Almost every day for the last three months," I answer softly.

Those words seem to bring him to his feet as his head shakes emphatically. "That's... that's not possible," he whispers harshly, taking a step towards me with wild eyes. "I'm half Saiyajin... I would have noticed -"

And then he stops in mid stride and his face drains of its remaining color as the combination of his own observation and the pained expression on my face begin hitting the answer to 'why' home in his mind.

He _should_ have noticed, but he didn't.

The long silence that follows is thick with tension as Gohan slowly backs away again, landing heavily onto the bed when the backs of his knees hit it, making it creak as it protests the sudden weight. I shuffle nervously from one foot to another, torn between genuine regret that everything has come to this and relief that I'm finally able to tell him what his lack of attention meant to me, knowing he'll actually listen this time. I just wish it wasn't too late.

"I really am sorry, Gohan," I say once the extended pause becomes too much to bear.

I hear him take a ragged lungful of air. "Why?" he asks, his voice strangled with emotion.

I consider my words carefully before speaking. "Neither of us meant for any of this to happen," I begin, though I scowl at how cliched that sounds. I breathe deeply and try again. "We... we just -"

I stop when I see his head move from side to side, and I frown slightly in confusion. No? But what does he mean then?

"Why _him_?"

Oh gods... I chew on my bottom lip for a minute trying to figure out how to explain that to Gohan in such a way that he won't misunderstand and end up taking another shot at killing Goku, but at the same time, I would be a liar if I trivialize my relationship and make it sound like it was only about opportunistic lust just to save my own skin. Besides, Gohan and I don't have a prayer's chance in hell of working anything out if I'm not honest.

He watches me intently as I sit myself cross-legged on the floor where I was standing and fold my hands in my lap. When in doubt, just say it, I tell myself as I push my growing indecision out of my mind. "I think it was because he was going through the same thing I was," I explain slowly, timidly, though my voice gains strength as I continue. "I wouldn't have even considered confiding in someone about what was going on, let alone" - I clear my throat uneasily - "anything else, otherwise. But after seeing what it's like between Goku and Chichi, I realized that he understood what was happening between us and how badly I was hurting because of it."

"This doesn't have anything to do with my mother," Gohan growls defensively.

You've got to be kidding! I admire the fact that he loves his mother unconditionally, and I realize that Gohan is closer to his mother than most because of all they've been through as a family, but can he really be that blind? Or worse, does he truly believe that his parents' relationship is an example to go by?

God help us, because nothing short of direct divine intervention will save this marriage if that's the case, and I don't even know if that would be enough.

"You wanted to know why I turned to Goku," I state with renewed determination. "Do you honestly think that I would have gone to him if he had no idea what it was like to be tossed aside by the person you're married to? And what about him? How can you think he would have gotten involved with me," I stress solemnly, "if he hadn't been as desperate as I was to feel some kind of connection with someone, as well."

Gods, finally saying all of this to him is lifting the fog from my thoughts, and with the reorganization of the facts comes the sting of emotion connected with them. The out of place feeling is gone now, and I'm painfully thrust back into the middle of this whole damned mess. Memories flood my mind: crying myself to sleep night after night, watching Gohan peck away at his laptop and giving me only a fleeting glance when I said goodnight with hopes of at least getting a chaste kiss, mornings when I wrapped my arms around his waist from behind as he poured his coffee only to have him give me a patient smile over his shoulder before pulling away to sit at the table and read the paper - all without saying a single word, evenings when he's come home from work only to walk right past me on his way to give Pan a bear hug, being pushed aside for anything 'more important' that came up - which seemed like anything that wasn't about me. But what I remember most are the times that I've actually tried to tell him that I felt lonely and separated from him, only to have him either shrug it off as being emotional or apologizing with a promise to do better only to go exactly back to the way it was before immediately afterwards.

Gohan never got it, but Goku did, because his wife is the same damned way and then some, and it's time Gohan realized that.

Gohan's visage is drawn tightly with incomprehension throughout my short silence. "Videl, I -"

"No," I cut him off angrily. "How was I supposed to handle being the last item on your priority list, Gohan? What was I supposed to do when I would tell you how I felt, and you acted like it meant nothing?" My voice rises in volume as the words pour forth unchecked from my heart to my lips. "Do you know what I used to do while you were at work?" I only give him enough time to blink before marching on. "I read. I was looking for anything to show me what I was doing wrong and how I could fix it. I tore through books on how to be a better wife, how to be the ideal lover, the best way to express your feelings to your spouse, how to entice even the most disinterested man and you know what? Nothing worked! I was doing research just so I could seduce my own husband and make him pay attention to me!"

He opens his mouth once again, but I'm not finished yet. "And as for Goku and Chichi-san," I continue boldly, ignoring his eyes as they narrow slightly, "they are a personified definition of a bad marriage."

Apparently he doesn't plan on letting that one go without a word as he did when I was talking about him and me. "That's not true," Gohan argues heatedly.

"It's not? Do you really believe that?" I ask seriously. "So you believe there's nothing wrong with the fact that Goku has to pretend to be someone he's not just to keep her happy? It's okay that he had to stay with us almost as often as he was allowed in his own house with his own wife? It's normal that he's not even permitted to sleep in the same room with woman he's married to?"

I can tell by the surprised look on Gohan's face that he didn't know that small detail, but he shakes his head after a moment. "Perhaps that's true," he concedes, "but that has nothing to do with this."

"You still don't see," I reply wearily. "It has everything to do with it, Gohan. What we've done is wrong, but both of us felt as though we had nothing else left. He's married to a woman who can't see past the fact that he's a fighter that has little interest in material things rather than working nine-to-five and bringing home a steady paycheck like a 'normal' man, and I'm married to someone who makes plenty of money we don't even need when I would have given every God damned cent of it just for him to spend ten minutes with me instead of his computer."

I take a shaky breath and wipe away a tear that slipped down my cheek at some point, and I see Gohan's mouth is clamped tightly and that his eyes are dangerously wet as well. "I didn't realize... that it meant that much to you," he whispers tightly. "I just wanted to do the right thing, what I was taught was the best way to take care of my family." He sniffs loudly and rubs his hands over his face and through his hair.

We both know what his mother thinks makes the perfect husband, and I can still remember her lectures, even after all these years on her views of proper marriage behavior. "The biggest reason your mother wanted us together so badly was because I already had enough money to support us for the rest of our lives," I answer matter-of-factly. He looks for a moment like he might protest, but thinks better of it. "I know your mother told you what she wanted, but I'm not her. I didn't need someone to work, come home, and pay a portion of the bills while living an entirely separate life from me. If I had, I would have moved in with one of my girlfriends. I was looking for someone to share _everything_ with. I wanted someone who would talk to me, listen to me, and sometimes just hold me without saying anything at all. Being safe and logical is fine, but I have to have more than that. I wanted to be part of you and help you in whatever you decided to do, even if I couldn't physically be there. I mean, I was the second half of Saiyaman and even wore a copy of your ridiculous costume, for God's sake."

Despite his sorrowful demeanor, Gohan cracks a small, brief smile at that comment.

"I know you've done your best," I go on gently, "and you're a wonderful father to Pan, but I needed a husband, too. I wanted passion and love and affection... I needed to _feel_ again. I needed -"

"Someone like my father?" Gohan cuts in hoarsely, as if his voice was being pulled by too many conflicting emotions to come out normally.

I don't think being that specific will help anything, even if my first thought is a resounding 'Yes!' Instead I sigh resignedly. "After ten years, I felt like I was married to my roommate, when I what I desperately longed for was a soul mate."

He stares at me for several minutes, but slowly his head moves up and down in understanding, however painful it may be. I chew on the inside of my cheek and drop my gaze as I hear his breath hitch again with barely checked tears. "I really am sorry, Gohan. I can only imagine how much this is hurting you," I add regretfully. "I never wanted to do that."

I hear him swallow hard. "Neither did I."

I can tell by the ominous silence that follows that Gohan's heard all he cares to for right now, which is good, because I really don't know what else to say that wouldn't sound like pitiful excuses. And the most important goal has been accomplished - we talked, though I'll be damned if I know where we go from here.

I know that beneath the calm exterior Gohan's wrestling with mixed emotions just like I am. Mine may have been building for some time while his have been viciously thrown upon him without warning, but a broken heart is still broken and will take time and effort to fix. Now, if only I was sure whether or not I can be part of his healing, but it's too soon right now. If I know him -

"I love you, Videl," he whispers anxiously as one of his legs fidgets against the side of the bed. "I always have."

I let a sad smile curve my lips. "I know," I reply quietly.

He flinches slightly, his glistening black orbs revealing that he's not unaware of the lack of return of that sentiment. Still, they also betray a growing amount of hope that makes my throat constrict tightly at the thought of possibly taking it from him and hurting him even more. "We can be happy again," he pushes on hesitantly. "I know we can get past what's happened. I... I understand what I was doing wrong, and I want to make it right. I want..." He pauses for a moment, dropping his head against his chest.

Before he can go on, I push myself off the floor and back onto my feet, letting out a soft stream of air as his face snaps up at my movement. "I don't know if either of us are in a state of mind capable of making any decisions tonight," I state honestly, allowing my logical mind to guide me, knowing it's the language he understands best. "I think we both need a little time to sort out our feelings before we can try discussing the future."

"Does that mean" - he stands quickly and shoves his hands in his pockets as he looks down at the floor - "that you want me to leave?"

"No. Since Pan's with Bulma-san, I'll go stay with my father tonight," I reply. I hear him take in a sharp breath, and I hold up a hand before he can argue. "I'll come back tomorrow, and we can talk more then."

I can tell he's trying to decide whether or not to put up a fight about my decision, but one more look at my set jaw and determined eyes, and he finally gives me a reluctant nod of assent, which leaves me nothing left to do except pack a small overnight bag and decide the best path for the rest of my life.

* * *

I've spent the entire afternoon laying across the small twin size bed, keeping my senses tuned to its previous owner to make sure his ki didn't hit red again and pretending to be asleep any time Chichi's peeked in hoping to question me about what's going on. Of course, I really can't blame her for biting at the bit to know what's happened; it's not like Gohan to refuse divulging the nature of a problem to his mother. Matter of fact, she's usually one of the first people he'll confide in. Well, besides me.

He used to, anyway, though I doubt he'll be so eager after all this.

"Damn," I mutter under my breath as I run both hands over my face roughly. The senzu I took earlier healed my body up just fine and restored my strength so that I can feel an increase, even if it is slight, and the talk I had with Piccolo while Videl was asleep and Gohan was pacing the floor helped a little, but I'm still so damned tired. Now, if only it was the kind of fatigue that makes it easy to sleep rather than impossible, I might be able to shut everything out for a little while.

Yeah, right.

I can't even blink without seeing either Videl curled into a human ball in her backyard during a rainstorm as she sobbed into her knees, or Gohan's anguished eyes begging me to deny what was happening as he walked in on us this morning. Both of those scenes play over and over in my head and reinforce that this is the only option either of us have. I love my son too much to hurt him like that.

And I love Videl too much, period.

Now the battle rages between my head and my heart, a mutated form of survival instinct telling me I need to throw myself into whatever I can find and force myself to forget about how it felt to love and be loved by a woman that was never mine, while every ounce of my soul wants to hang on to those memories for as long as possible so I can draw upon them as I try to settle back into my old routine of playing the naive fool that can carry the world on his shoulders with a goofy grin because he doesn't know any better.

God help me, cause I don't know if I _can_ go back to that again.

It's as if someone suddenly came up and told me Vegeta-sei had been resurrected somehow and that it was time to go back. Sure, I'm Saiyajin and I can acknowledge that, even have pride in my heritage now, but it doesn't change the fact that this planet is my home. It doesn't matter where I was born because this planet that I've given my life for is too much a part of me to just toss aside as though it's nothing. I belong in this place.

It's the same with Videl. How can I continue on like nothing's changed? I care about my wife, I always have, but in all the years we've known each other, I've never felt like she was a part of me. Unfortunately, I wasn't overly aware of it until the first time Videl placed her gentle hand on my cheek and ended up fitting into an empty place within me I didn't even know I had so seamlessly, it was as if she was meant to be there all along. Who knows? Maybe she could have been... _if_ she wasn't already committed to my oldest son.

It's useless to think about it. The best thing I can do now - the only way I can possibly make up for this - is to lend as much support as possible to them under these... unique circumstances so that they'll find a way to overcome what's happened. And maybe, if I'm especially lucky and the gods decide to start smiling on me again, Gohan will even be able to forgive me someday.

That's a _really_ big maybe.

I unconsciously stretch my awareness out to find her, making a silent plea she'll never hear to at least try... to just make a wholehearted, genuine effort to make things work. If Gohan can't get past it or won't do his part, that's one thing, and I couldn't fault her if she's done all she can, but -

As soon as I realize that the other person with Gohan is Piccolo and not Videl, that she's not even in the area, I'm on my feet faster than any human eye could have followed and frantically searching for her unmistakable energy signal. Oh God... where the hell is she? Damn it, if anything's happened to her, I'll never forgive myself... or Gohan, for that matter. Why the hell isn't she at home?

Capsule Corps. Pan's there, so maybe... Okay, there's Vegeta - can't miss that one - and Bulma, and there's Bra and Pan together... No Videl. Damn it! Where else would she be? The only other place she might go is...

"Idiot," I curse my premature panic softly once the obvious finally hits me.

Thank God, there she is, and if her elevated ki is any indication, she's training hard at the moment. But why is she at her father's house? Why isn't she next door with her husband? Did Gohan make her leave? My oldest is one of the most compassionate and forgiving people you could hope to find. Is it possible that what we've done is beyond even that?

Okay, I already knew it was _possible_, but I still can't believe he wouldn't be willing to give her another chance once she'd explained the circumstances. Maybe he didn't give her an opportunity, or maybe he was so hurt and angry that he wasn't able to handle it right now. Maybe it's just temporary... but then again, maybe it's not... Maybe...

"_Maybe_ I need to quit freaking out over maybes," I mutter under my breath. The problem is I know that won't be possible until I find out what's going on, and since zipping over to have a friendly father-son chat with Gohan is out of the question, that leaves me one option: Videl.

No, bad idea. _Very_ bad idea. That would rate right up there on the ever-increasing Dumbest Shit Goku's Ever Done list with getting involved with my son's wife to begin with. First of all, it hurts like hell just to think about her, so I can imagine what seeing her would be like right now. I honestly have no idea what might happen if Videl and I were alone together after everything that's gone down over the past twenty-four hours. It's too risky, and being face to face with her may do a whole lot more harm than good for her and me at this point. Also there's the fact that Gohan may very well be keeping his mind's eye on me, and if I suddenly show up at Videl's, he'd probably assume the worst, not that I'd blame him under the circumstances. God knows I've done enough damage to his marriage as it is. The last thing Gohan needs now is more suspicion, anger, and hurt.

And then my mind goes back to my last, very brief conversation with Videl before we came home, particularly what she said when I pleaded with her to promise me she'd work things out with my son. It was unfair to ask, I know, because she has no control over whether Gohan chooses to forgive her or not, and she gave me a very honest answer - that she would try. But there are two things that are bothering me. The look on her face is one, and the fact that she tacked on 'for the sake of my family' at the end of her agreement to try and reconcile with Gohan is the other. I didn't have a chance to really ask her about it since we were pressed for time, so I had let it go. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to take us back. Perhaps we needed more time to talk, after all.

And now I know that no matter how stupid it may be, my mind was already made up.

The beauty of the Instantaneous Movement technique is that it gives you a second of complete invisibility to anyone who can sense ki so that, in the heat of battle, the warrior can disappear completely until they relocate, power up and begin an attack in hopes that an opponent's ability to react won't be able to keep up. It hasn't always worked out that way when I've used it in a fight, but it has saved my neck on more than one occasion. And I never intended to increase my power once I get where I'm going this time anyway.

As soon as I exit the circular, multi-colored tunnel and my feet hit the grassy landscape just inside the gaudy gates of the Satan mansion, I drop my ki to as low and undetectable as it'll get these days and glance around once, using my heightened Saiyajin senses to discern if there's anyone around that I'll need to sneak past - I'd rather not announce my presence to anyone if I can help it. Satan isn't here, though that doesn't surprise me. Actually, I don't sense anyone except Videl. My eyes tilt heavenward, and I send a silent word of thanks to Dende for giving me a break this time as I make my way towards the large brick building on the right.

As I walk along the length of the only structure on the property that doesn't look overly expensive, I see a fluorescent glow escaping through windows where the blinds are drawn so that it creates a striped pattern of light and dark against the shadowed ground, but as I turn the corner, I notice that the entire area in front is illuminated by the open double doors leading inside. With a quick check to make sure Gohan's energy hasn't changed, I close the rest of the distance with silent, measured steps until I'm standing in the doorway, my eyes immediately resting on an image that seems to come straight out of the past. The only difference in the woman that's mercilessly brutalizing a beige punching bag from the teenager I met for the first time when I was still technically dead is the thin braid that's tucked into the collar of her white t-shirt. That alone gives away the fact that enough time has passed for Videl's hair to go from cropped short to halfway down her back. Other than that, especially in the oversized shirt and black bike shorts with fingerless gloves the same color, she looks almost exactly as she did fifteen years ago.

I shake my head roughly as I begin to seriously reconsider the already shaky wisdom of coming here, and as she finally stops attacking and steadies the bag, I almost turn back and go home. Almost. The only thing that stopped me was the sound of her voice.

"Goku," she states breathlessly as she grabs a towel and turns to look at me wearily.

I blink a few times before I can speak. "You don't seem surprised that I'm here," I observe, not bothering to hide the confusion I felt at her instant recognition of my presence.

"I'm not, to tell you the truth," she replies as she wipes the thin sheen of sweat from her face and arms. I give her a curious look, wordlessly prompting her to explain. "Part of it was that once I got here, I was sure it was only a matter of time before you noticed I wasn't at home. I figured you'd want to know why."

Okay, I'll buy that. "And the other part?" I question as I grab a wooden chair from the corner and move it to face the first row of benches that litter one side of the room, spin it around, and sit down, folding my arms over the back so I can prop my chin on my forearm, all in an effort to appear as cool and casual as possible despite the butterflies that have suddenly taken residence in my gut.

Her brow creases critically for a long moment before her face smooths again and she shrugs helplessly as she makes her way to the seat directly across from me. "Just a feeling, I guess." She plops down with closed eyes and a tired sigh.

I fidget and lick my lips nervously before finally asking the question that brought me here in the first place against my better judgment. "So what happened? Why are you here instead of with Gohan?"

Despite my best effort not to appear overly anxious, Videl's piercing gaze levels on me somberly, making me feel completely transparent. "We talked, though he understandably isn't ready to know the specifics of what we did," she begins softly after a significant pause. "He mainly wanted to know why I got involved with you, so I explained the basics of what led up to" - her eyes dart away for an instant - "this. He really had no idea that there was anything wrong between you and Chichi, Goku. As far as he was concerned, everything was just fine, like it was normal for people to -"

"You can't hold that against him," I interrupt. "It's my fault he believed that." She gives me an incredulous look, but I hold a hand up so she'll let me finish. "I've never said anything to his mom about the way she treats me, you know that. And during his years when he was becoming a man, I wasn't even there," I continue regretfully. "He had no reason to think there was a problem. As far as he knew, that's just the way it is, but now that he knows how much more his time means to you than his work, he'll be better. I know he will."

"Do you really?" she asks, her wide blue eyes pleading me to be completely honest with her. "Because I'm not so sure, Goku. Do you really believe it's just something he does or doesn't do rather than being a part of who he is?"

Of course I don't know for sure. "Does it make a difference?" I question dumbly.

"Yeah," she responds, "because if he simply didn't know any better, then that's one thing, but if it's a part of his personality, then me demanding and expecting him to change would be no different than what Chichi has tried to do to you for years. In the end, we'll all be miserable, and I won't do that to him, Goku. I can't."

"But you can't give up just because you're not sure," I advise firmly. "If that's why you left, then -"

She shakes her head. "That's not why I came here tonight. After we talked, I thought it would be best if we had a night apart to think things through. Gohan needed a chance to consider what I told him and get his own feelings about it straight. If I had stayed, it would be impossible for him to do that."

"So you plan to go back?" I inquire hopefully.

Videl bites her bottom lip. "I told him we would talk again tomorrow. I think he'll be in a better state of mind to get his own feelings out then. He seemed... I don't know... almost like he was in shock when we spoke earlier. He didn't say anything about how _he_ felt. He just wanted to know basic facts."

I consider that for a minute before nodding negligibly. "That was probably best," I agree, though I still wish privately that it wasn't that way, but it does make sense. Then I remember our fight and what I blurted out in the heat of it, and I suck in a startled breath. "Did he mention anything about..." I close my eyes for a moment as I try to collect my thoughts and find the best way to proceed. "Did he say anything about our fight?"

Videl studies me for a moment. "You mean what you said to him up there?" I nod stiffly, and she lets out a long breath. "No, he didn't, so either it was more than he wanted me to know, or just more than he could deal with right now."

Or both, a condescending voice in the back of my mind pipes up. I allow a soft moan to escape my throat at the thought, earning me a strange look from the woman before me.

"Are you going to tell me what you said that's worse than Gohan finding out about us in the first place?"

Damn it, she knows me way too well. "No."

I don't think she was expecting that answer, and she leans forward, her sapphire eyes boring into mine frantically. "Why not? Goku, please... I -"

"No," I repeat more firmly. "What's been said and done is in the past now." Gods, it would be a whole lot easier if I truly believed all this. "We have to focus on our families and making them whole again," I go on as steadily as possible, forcing myself to ignore the immediate grief that tightens my throat painfully.

Just as I feared, she sees right through me, giving me the same look she's given me since the beginning when she senses something's amiss. "It's not that simple, Goku, and you know it. I wish things hadn't turned out like this, but there's nothing that will change what's happened between Gohan and me... or what has developed between us," she stresses meaningfully. "We can't just walk away and pretend that everything is like it was before."

Why does it not surprise me that even though I'm many years her senior, she's been the one that's offering all of the wisdom? "Videl," I begin hesitantly, "I know that things can't be as they once were, or we'd both be just as unhappy as we were before. What I mean is... you can't throw it all away. Not until you've given Gohan a chance to be what you need." I see her mouth open to respond, but I continue before she has a chance. "Gohan loves you, Videl. He just didn't know how to show you. And think about Pan," I add, noting the immediate flash of fear over her pale visage. "Think about what it would do to her if you left Gohan. She has no idea anything's wrong. It would kill her to lose him like this, with no warning whatsoever, and in the end, she would blame you."

"And she'd be right," Videl concurs morosely as her voice cracks and a single tear slips down her left cheek. "But it doesn't make losing you hurt any less."

It's second nature now to tip my chair forward so that I can reach her face and wipe the small trail away, and I don't even really realize that I've done it until another thin line slips from the other shimmering eye. "I know," I admit softly as my other hand raises to dry the new set of tears, "but it has to be this way. We both know that."

I see so many things go through her eyes within a fraction of a second before I realize just how close I've edged my chair up to her, and that's the last thing I have time to focus on before she grabs my face and closes the distance, her lips sealing over my partially open ones. The kiss is passionate, demanding, desperate, hungry, soulful, mournful, full of both love and loss, though as I find myself responding with equal fervor, one word manages to find its way into the red haze of my mind when everything I want to convey to her is put together.

Goodbye.

It takes a moment, but I finally make myself back out of her embrace, squeezing my eyes shut and drawing a deep breath as I hear her begin to weep into both hands.

"I have to go."

She inhales sharply as her hands fall away, leaving her tortured blue eyes completely unveiled to me, making my own burn dangerously. I turn away and take my chair back to its place in the corner. By the time I finish, she's standing up, and though her body is still shaking slightly, she appears to have regained a great measure of poise as she regards me, her gaze hauntingly empty all of a sudden. "I can't do this, Goku," she whispers dreadfully.

I shift my weight from one foot to another uncomfortably. "Yes you can," I reply sincerely. Now it's my turn to pass along some wisdom, and I take a deep, calming breath. "And you will. I know it, because I know how much you love Pan, and I know you care about Gohan, even if you're not sure you love him anymore. You were hurt so badly before, and I was willing to help you through that. I'll never regret that, Videl. I never have. I helped you regain a true sense of who you are, and you taught me a great deal about life... and about love. And now it's time to take what we've been through - all that we've gained from each other - and use it to make things right again." God, I want to hold her so badly right now, but I choose instead to simply offer her a small, comforting smile. "I know it's scary to go back into a situation when you've been burned once, but it'll get easier with time."

"And if it doesn't? If things become like they were before?" she challenges half-heartedly.

I sigh thankfully knowing that this battle's already won. "If Gohan can't change, or if you and he simply can't reconcile what's happened, then you cross that bridge when it comes. But you'll never know if you don't give it another chance."

Her lip quivers and her jaw clenches as fresh tears begin making their way down her face, but she nods after a brief pause. "I'll try," she concedes softly. "I'll try for Gohan, and for Pan... and for you." Then her features harden slightly. "But I want you to promise me something, as well."

I swallow and raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"Stop pretending," she answers stubbornly. "You can't be someone you're not, or you'll go mad. I should know," she adds ruefully, though it's distorted by the sadness in her tone. "Please... it's all I'll ever ask of you. Just be who you are from now on, and to hell with what anyone thinks about it."

You don't ask for much, do you? Still, considering everything she will be facing in the future, I guess it's the least I can do. Especially since I'm damned tired of acting the fool anyway. "You have my word," I agree finally.

I can almost see it in her eyes - that look that says if it's good enough to make you marry a stranger, it's good enough for me, and I grin marginally for a second before she drops her head. "And you have mine, so you better go before I can't keep it," she manages roughly.

Which was exactly what flashed through my mind as I put my fingers to my forehead and retreated to the lonely familiarity of my bedroom where I could grieve in relative peace and try to figure out what the hell I'm gonna do now.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight, Part One:**

**When All Hope Seems Lost **

***  
_._  
***

It's well after dusk, and I come through the back door of my house from a particularly rigorous training session, beginning the countdown in my head as I enter my bedroom and lay down - she's done the same thing every day for the last two months, once she realized her relentless badgering wasn't gonna get her anything but out of breath. Three... two... one -

Like clockwork, Chichi's indignant huff floats down the hall and reaches my ears. "Your dinner is cold," she shouts.

"That's okay, I'll warm it up later," I call back without bothering to lift my head, letting my eyes go out of focus on the ceiling. I've become very familiar with the patterns up there; there's one spot in particular that looks like that baby dragon Gohan hung out with as a kid if I tilt my head a little to the side... But my mind snaps back to attention when I hear Chichi come storming down the hall. Wow, seems I spoke too soon. It's been a while since she even bothered coming back here. After those first couple of weeks, she's been perfectly content to let this conversation stop with an inquiry about mealtime followed by a string of curses muttered just loud enough for me to hear.

Her shadow fills the doorway before she flicks the switch by the door, flooding the room with yellow-white light and making me wince as my eyes adjust to the sudden change. "Damn it, Goku, this has gone on long enough! What the hell is going on these days?"

The irony of the fact that she'd eat her words if I actually gave in and told her doesn't escape me. "Nothing," I reply tiredly, throwing in a half-hearted smile for good measure. "Why d'ya ask?"

"Because you haven't been acting like yourself for weeks now. You and Gohan both." Her dark eyes narrow - a look that used to back me into a corner when it landed on me - as she advances toward the bed. "And speaking of Gohan -"

Sorry dear, but times are a-changin'; the threatening demeanor she's relied on to keep people in line all her life doesn't work on me like it used to. "I don't know what's going on with Gohan these days," I state honestly. "I haven't seen him since he moved to the city."

Chichi stops, and I see the pain that contorts the lines of anger on her face. She took Gohan's decision to move away really hard, though it was no less than I expected. After all, I don't think she's been separated from him for more than a week since the time he traveled to Namek with Krillin and Bulma to collect the dragonballs and revive Piccolo. "I still don't understand why he wanted to leave all of the sudden," she whines mournfully.

"He told you why," I repeat for the hundredth time from the script that we agreed on when Gohan, accompanied by Piccolo, informed me privately of his intent to relocate his family a few hundred miles away from me. "He's closer to Capsule Corps., Pan's closer to school and all of her friends-"

"And Videl's closer to her father. I know what he _said_," she finishes sourly before she sniffles sadly. "He's been gone for weeks, and he hasn't even come for a visit," she pouts, large tears forming in her eyes. "And what if something happens to him? Who's going to take care of him?"

I remind myself that she's still totally in the dark about what happened. I know this has been really rough on her, so I close my eyes and force my teeth to stop grinding together. "His wife," I answer tightly.

"Well, of course Videl would do the best she could," Chichi argues, "but it wouldn't be the same! I'm his mother... he needs me!"

"Gohan's fine," I reply as evenly and patiently as possible. "If anything was wrong with him, I'd be able to sense it."

Her mouth turns down in a thoughtful frown. "Are you sure? I mean, if he got hurt-"

"I'd know."

A minute pause. "But what if he gets sick -"

"I'd know," I repeat wearily.

"Well... well, what if -"

I sigh loud enough to stop her impending rant, though it earns me an angry glare - one that I disregard entirely. "If anything at all happens that could hurt him in any way, I'd be the first to know," I state firmly. "Don't worry about Gohan. He's a grown man with his own family to take care of, Chi. I'm sure he'll come to see you any day now."

"This all started the day Gohan was carried home knocked out, you know," she says, her tone laced with ill-concealed suspicion. "That was almost three months ago, and you and Gohan both have been acting strange ever since. And I want to know why!"

And once again, it's back to the script. I am getting really, _really_ tired of this. "We've already been through this. Gohan and I were sparring, and we got carried away. Happens all the time," I add, though it comes out a little more sarcastically than I had intended it to.

And it looks like she's heard that explanation one too many times, because she's bowing up like a python ready to spring. I shouldn't be surprised; I tried to tell Gohan that excuse sounded bogus from the beginning - not that I was able to come up with anything that sounded more plausible, either.

"It does _not_ happen all the time!" she shrieks. "My Gohan is _not_ a muscle-bound brute like you and Vegeta! He doesn't fight for fun! He has a _job_... he _works_ like a good husband is supposed to. And he would _not_ have gone into the woods and spar at five o'clock in the morning after being at the office all night! Something happened out there, and I demand that you tell me what it was!"

Okay, I have two choices. One, I can break my promise to Videl, plaster on that ridiculous grin, feign total ignorance in the scenario she's laid out, and pull my "I dunno, Chi..." - rub neck - chuckle. My other option is to actually tell her I'm not going to explain myself to her and probably get a frying pan to the head for my insolence.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Oh well, when in doubt, try option three: total avoidance. "Look, I've been training all day," I plead. "I'm hot, I'm dirty" - I pull on the sweat and dirt-soaked fabric of my orange shirt - "I reek like an old gym bag, and I've barely got enough energy left to keep my eyes open. Can't we talk about this tomorrow?"

"No, we are going to talk about this tonight," she retorts sternly, but after she takes a deep breath, her face screws up in disgust and she pinches her nose, "_after_ you've taken a shower! God, Goku, you smell like a dead animal." I guess she doesn't notice me gaping at her, because she turns on her heel and stomps out of the room without a second glance. "And put your clothes outside," she calls over her shoulder. "I don't want them stinking up the whole house."

Wow... I can't believe that actually worked.

I just said that 'cause it was all I could come up with, but I guess I really _do_ reek. And I gotta admit, a nice, long bath does sound really good. With a soft groan, I hoist myself back up and make my way to the hall closet to get a towel and the soap and shampoo. She's already back in the kitchen, and I hear the soft, rhythmic 'swoosh' of the broom going across the floor. "I'm gonna go outside and soak in the tub." And maybe if I take long enough, she'll give up and go to bed. I grin despite my dark mood. Chichi, give up? Oh yeah, that's a good one.

It doesn't take long to fill the tub, and rather than bothering with a fire to warm it up, I wait until I've tossed the beach towel over the clothesline, undressed and gotten in before raising my ki enough to heat the water so that it's nearly boiling. Getting clean isn't the main reason I chose to come out here instead of using the shower inside, so I only spend about five minutes scrubbing myself down and washing my hair, and I rinse off by dropping my entire body below the surface, shaking my head a few times to get the more stubborn suds out of my hair before coming back up.

Now that that's outta the way, I lean back, resting my head against the edge and prop my arms on either side of me while my eyes move up to the dark blue sky that's littered with white-yellow stars. Gods, I'm finally starting to feel my age, though it has nothing to do with my physical condition. In fact, I'm in the best shape of my life right now thanks to the daily dawn-to-dusk training regimen I've been putting myself through, not to mention the fact that fifty isn't that old by Saiyajin standards. Nah, I know it's not the miles I've put on this body that are making me feel like this. It's my head... and my heart.

I can remember a time not too long ago when I could have stayed out here for hours just to marvel at a night like this. The color of the sky, the languid evening breezes that make the thin blades of grass sway gently, the way the stars seem to flicker as wispy clouds pass over them sporadically... When you think about it, it really is amazing how things that are so simple can be combined to make something so beautiful. Unlike most people on this planet that take stuff like this for granted all their lives, I've always been able to appreciate it without a second thought.

I'm finding it harder and harder to do these days, probably because everything that I've seen or done since the night I left Videl feels meaningless in comparison. Morally, I know we did the right thing by returning to our families... or _family_, I suppose, is more accurate considering that she's my son's wife and the mother of my granddaughter, but none of that changes one very complicated, yet painfully simple, fact.

I'm in love with her, and the more time I am without her, the more it seems I always will be.

It amazes me now as I look back on the last three months, that I thought going back home to my wife and returning to my old routine - minus the happy-go-lucky demeanor - might help ease the raging emotions that threatened to drown my soul and spirit when Videl and I parted. The exact opposite turned out to be true. The differences between Chichi and me used to be an annoyance from time to time, and there were even a few instances when the things she said when she didn't think I could hear did hurt me on some level. But now that I've been with Videl, now that I've actually experienced that kind of relationship, my marriage to Chichi has become the worst type of sadistic mockery imaginable.

If that wasn't disheartening enough, it's even worse because, by most normal standards, my marriage to Chichi is better now than it has been for nearly twenty years. It took me about a week to see that something was gonna have to give. Chichi was furious that no one would explain exactly what happened the day Gohan and I fought, and that tripled once Gohan got around to telling his mother that he had rented an apartment a few blocks from Capsule Corps., and that they were moving out the very next day. Gohan gave her all the same reasons he told anyone else that asked, and I stuck to that story as well, until Chichi finally decided badgering me was futile and gave up.

And so the new system was born. I leave before the sun rises, train all day, come in at night, and retire to my bedroom to sleep. She, in turn, has basically returned to business as usual - cleaning, cooking, shopping, and whatever else she does while I'm gone. I don't talk to her unless she initiates it - which she has done less and less as time has gone by, until today, that is - and I noticed that our silence is normally a companionable one, and that's when it hit me.

Chichi actually _likes_ it this way. This is what she's wanted from me. _This_ makes her happy.

I think that's why I'm so surprised that she said something today. Maybe she thinks, now that some time has passed, I'll be more likely to slip up and tell her what she wants to know. Or maybe she's just in the mood for an argument since she hasn't had a good reason to bitch at me for a while. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

I glance over my shoulder and notice that the lights are still on, and I see my wife walk back and forth in front of the kitchen window several times. Damn, I guess she does plan on staying up to talk to me, after all. So much for wishful thinking. In that case, I probably shouldn't keep her waiting much longer, especially since my brain's too mixed up these days to try and think of a new excuse for her. I might as well get this over with.

I take one last dunk under the cooling water before climbing out, giving my head a few good shakes to get the majority of water out of my hair before elevating my ki to dry off. Then I grab the towel off the line and wrap it around my waist as I walk to the front door. Normally I'd go through the back and get dressed first, but at this point, I really don't care. If Chichi wants me to get some clothes on, she can tell me herself.

Chichi had just turned to begin pacing this way again when I walk in, closing the door quietly behind me. She keeps walking as she had been, stopping only when I lean comfortably against the counter, making it quite clear that I wasn't planning on going anywhere.

Her pensive visage hardens slightly. "Are you going to put something on?"

"What for?" I reply with a shrug.

"Because you're... you're..." she splutters uncertainly, and I raise an eyebrow curiously at her, though I manage to keep myself from laughing at the expression on her face. "Damn it, Goku, you're naked!" she finally shrieks, her cheeks going very red in the process. It's too bad she doesn't realize how much younger it makes her look when she does that... and how much prettier.

And that's just another reminder of where we are in our marriage these days, and the urge to smile vanishes with that thought. "So?"

"_So_? Normal men who are in their fifties do _not_ walk around without any clothes on," she states as though it's a given fact that any idiot should know. Even me.

"You don't know that for sure, Chi," I respond lightly. "Besides, normal men don't train for sixteen hours a day, and last I checked, they weren't born with tails either. Though I'll bet that most normal _married_ men do sleep in the same room as their wives at night," I add matter-of-factly, and I note with fair satisfaction that her face goes from red to almost purple as that particular comment sinks in, "so let's not compare me to other guys, alright?"

I wait patiently as she struggles to close her gaping mouth and make her eyes stop bugging out at me, and I'm fully expecting, even anticipating, an explosion of massive proportions once she collects herself. I don't know if it's because I'm just now beginning to understand how much I've missed talking to somebody, even if it is something like arguing with Chichi, or if it's the fact that all these secrets and all of the conflicted emotions I've been wrestling with really have taken such a toll on me that any distraction from that is a welcomed one. Maybe both. But it seems the night is full of surprises, because when she finally does gather her wits, her features become pale and lined with anxiety. It's my turn to stare now as she takes several quick steps, closing the considerable distance I ensured there was between us and puts her hand on my forehead.

"I knew it! You have a fever!"

Oh, for God's sake... "I just got out of a hot bath, Chi," I groan tiredly.

"I know that," she snaps impatiently, "but you're much warmer than you should be. You need to lay down and -"

"I'm not sick, Chichi."

"Then... then there's something else wrong with you! Maybe -" she stops, and her eyes go very wide - "maybe that fight with Gohan gave you a head injury. Have you been having any headaches? Nausea? Is that why you haven't been eating as much lately?" Her sentences run together, though I see that familiar light rekindling in her eyes, the one that shows how much she relishes having someone to take care of who can't take care of themselves, and the very tenuous thread that's kept me here, playing my designated role in this joke of a marriage, finally snaps.

She called me in here for an explanation to everything that's happened recently, but I've got news for her. I've got some questions of my own - thirty years worth - and they're damned well gonna be answered, too.

"There's nothing wrong with me," I growl in irritation, and Chichi immediately takes a step back, her confusion plainly evident on her face. "I'm in perfect physical health," I go on, opening both arms wide, letting my weight against the edge of the countertop hold the towel in place at my hips while my face stays blank to let her know that this isn't a gesture of arrogance, but one to allow unhindered observation, "as you can see. What more proof do you need?"

But the color once again floods her furious features. If I wasn't so damned tired of all this, I'd probably think this was pretty funny, 'cause she looks a lot like a puffer fish right now. "I want to know why you're acting like this!" she rages breathlessly.

"I haven't heard you complaining about it lately," I respond, the sarcastic edge in my voice taking both of us by surprise.

She blinks rapidly for a moment before she is able to prepare a suitable comeback. "I'm not talking about the way you've been acting the last few weeks. It's actually been nice to see you behave like an adult, even if I don't understand what brought it all on," she finally forces out. "But I'm talking about your attitude tonight... _right now_. It's like I don't even know who you are!"

Interesting choice of words, Chi. Very sad, considering how many years we've been together, but very true nonetheless. I don't know what bothers me more, though - the fact that she's absolutely right, or that it's a hell of a lot more my fault than hers that this is the case.

"I'm sorry to say that you're right, Chi," I offer regretfully. "You don't know me very well at all."

"Wait...what?" she stammers, clearly not expecting that answer from me, and she begins backing away until her back hits the table, which she reaches for behind her and grabs with both hands until her knuckles are white. "What are you talking about, Goku?" she whispers roughly, her round features going like a seesaw back to the color of buttermilk that contrasts sharply against her wide, disbelieving ebony eyes.

"You're right; we do need to talk, but not about Gohan," I concede weakly, and I force out a single, half-hearted chuckle, grabbing the thin towel around my waist as I push off the counter. "But I probably _should_ get dressed first."

That seems to bring her moment of dumbfounded shock to an abrupt end, and she suddenly jerks away from the table, runs in front of the doorway to the hall, and puts her arms out to block it as much as her small frame is able.

"I thought you wanted me to put some clothes on," I remark inquisitively as I note that her outstretched hands are trembling; it looks like the muscles in her face are fighting a tug of war with fear on one end and anger on the other.

"Oh no you don't, mister. You... you're just trying to change the subject! You don't want to tell me what happened to make Gohan decide to leave!"

No matter how guilty I may feel about our marriage and the large part I've played in its current dilapidated condition, my ability to stay calm in the face of this woman's volitale temper is dangerously close to its max. Or who knows? Maybe I'm at my breaking point just from the knowledge that _I'm_ what forced Gohan to move away from her, that my current emotional turmoil has pushed me too far, that I simply can't take this anymore. If Gohan had just told her, then I would have left, he and Videl would have stayed next door, and everyone would be a hell of a lot happier than they are right now...

"We don't need to talk about anything except why Gohan is gone -"

I hear what she says, but her voice barely registers in my mind as a new string of thoughts races through my head. If Gohan had just told her what happened, and I left so he could come back...

"- and what _you_ did to make him think he had to leave his home and his family!"

... If I left, then my son would be close to him mom now when he needs her most...

"Did Gohan leave because of you? Answer me, damn it!"

And now, as the obvious solution cuts a clear path from the sorrow and emptiness of my heart to the haywire emotions of my spirit, everything becomes so incredibly clear, and my mouth is already forming the words even as everything solidifies in my brain. "Yes, it's my fault Gohan's gone, Chichi. It's all my fault."

Chichi gasps sharply. "I knew it! What did you do? Did you encourage him? Did you tell him that he would be better off in the city?"

"No, Chi. There's a lot more to it than that, but if I leave for a while, he'll come back."

"What are you talking about?" she snaps. "That's the most ridiculous thing -"

I shake my head solemnly. "Chi, listen to me -"

"- I've ever heard," she finishes as though I hadn't even spoken. "You just need to go over there, take back whatever you said to him, and tell him that he needs to come home," she says, her tone meant to leave no room for argument.

"He didn't leave because of something I _said_," I explain impatiently. Gods, why won't she listen to me for once! "He's gone because... something happened that day we fought..."

She huffs indignantly, folding her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes. "Really?" she questions sarcastically. "And what could you have possibly _done_ that would make Gohan want to move so far away?" She watches me skeptically as I try to figure out how to answer that, knowing all the while that I can't. After another moment, her expression becomes almost victorious. "You were trying to use this as an excuse to go off and train away from home again, weren't you?" she accuses balefully. "Well, that won't work with me, Goku."

Goddamnit, I've had about as much of this shit as I can take. "I'm _not_ making an excuse," I growl warningly.

"No? Then tell me what it is that you did that was so terrible that Gohan would leave just because of you," she challenges mockingly, her superior expression and condescending tone burning through what's left of my already teetering self-control. "Come on, Goku, let's hear it!"

"Fine, if you want to know the truth, so be it," I hiss. "Gohan left because he found out that I was having an affair with Videl for several months, and he moved so far away to make sure there'd be no way she'll be anywhere near me ever again. There, are you happy now?"

And, just like it always happens when I've done something unbelievably stupid, the realization of what I just said, as well as everything that will happen because of it, begins to register as my wife's entire body goes frighteningly rigid.

_Oh... shit! What the hell was I thinking?_ "Chichi, I -"

Her hand moves so fast that it takes me several seconds to figure out that the sharp pain across my cheek came from her slapping me with every ounce of strength she possesses. Not that I didn't deserve it and then some.

"How dare you," she croaks furiously as though her rage has stolen her voice.

I open my mouth once again, but I can't seem to make anything come out now. I mean, how the hell do I fix this? There's no taking something like this back. "I... I..." Oh God, help me... _please!_

Her entire body is shaking now, and her eyes are like black flames that are boring into me, burning away every thought and feeling that's running through me until all I'm left with is a gut-wrenching guilt. "How dare you," she repeats, backing up a step, which I instinctively take forward to keep her from running as I grip the towel around my waist even tighter. "I can't believe... how dare you..."

Oh gods, Chichi. I didn't mean for this to happen, for you to find out like this... never like this. Please...

"_How dare you joke about something like that!_" she bellows wildly.

This time, it's my turn to freeze as her words manage to find a clear path through my self-loathing and begin to sink in.

"If you don't want to tell me about Gohan, then just say so. But don't _ever_ make up something like that again!" she admonishes in disgust. "I can't believe you would say something like that just so you wouldn't have to explain yourself! It's... it's... Ugh! Forget it," she snarls dismissively. "I refuse to deal with you like this. I'm going to bed."

And all I can do is stare in complete disbelief as she spins on her heel, stalks down the hall, and marches into her bedroom; she slams the door so hard that the dishes in the cupboard rattle.

* * *

"Here you go," Bulma offers with a smile as she sets a glass of soda in front of me, but after another minute, her mouth curves into a worried frown. "You know, you don't look so good, Videl. Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I lie as I wrap both hands around the tall cup and focus my eyes on the minute bubbles that rise to the top and pop, making the surface of my drink ripple over and over again. "Thanks, Bulma-san."

I guess I wasn't very convincing, because she continues scrutinizing me intently for another minute. Then she gasps, and I glance up to see her leaning over her side of the table, a bright smile on her face. "I've got it!"

Even though I highly doubt she has any idea what could be wrong, my stomach does an uncomfortable flip-flop anyway.

"You're pregnant again, aren't you?" she squeals in premature delight.

I didn't even realize I was holding my breath, but I must have been since two lungfuls rush out in a loud _whoosh_ that nearly makes me choke. I don't know why I was so surprised by her assumption, though. Until one of Bulma's children makes her a grandmother, it's up to me to give her the next best thing. Not that she doesn't love Pan - she does - but Pan's no baby anymore. "No, Bulma-san," I manage out after a second. "I'm not pregnant."

"You're not? Are you sure?" she questions, her smile faltering significantly.

"Positive," I confirm honestly.

"Oh." She stands straight once again, one hand on her hip while the other swipes at her cropped aqua hair. Her mouth opens as though she's about to say something else, but the shrill sound of the phone ringing stops her, and she sighs, throwing me a quick grin. "Hold on, I want to know what's up with you, so don't move," she commands firmly as she reaches for nearest phone, which is hanging on the wall next to the table I'm sitting at.

"Yeah, Brief Bulma speaking," she chirps sweetly, throwing me a sly wink, but her playful expression vanishes immediately as she jerks the headset about a foot away from her ear. I don't blame her because I can hear whoever it is on the other end screaming all the way over here on my side of the table. Either it's a very, _very_ upset woman or a man that just got kneed in the crotch, because the voice of the person Bulma is trying to listen to without doing permanent damage to her eardrums is unnaturally high.

After several pleas for her caller to calm down, Bulma shakes her head resignedly and tells the person to hold on for just a second. "I'm sorry, Videl, but I have to take this. But I meant want I said, okay? You stay right there, and I'll try to make this as quick as I can. I would just tell her to call back, but you know how Chichi can be."

Every muscle in my body tenses. "Chichi?" I squeak.

"Yeah. Whatever Son-kun did this time must have been a doozy," she remarks lightly. "Let me get her calmed down, and I'll be right back."

I watch numbly as she puts the call on hold and jogs out of the room, leaving me alone with a whirlwind of emotions battering the walls of my heart just from the mention of his name. Of course, she doesn't know that I came here under the pretense of waiting for Gohan to get off work just so I wouldn't be alone with my increasingly depressing thoughts. She doesn't know that being in that Kami-forsaken luxury apartment only reminds me even more of what I lost the night I let Goku leave my father's house after promising blindly that I would go back to my husband.

Not that Gohan hasn't tried his best to handle this. All things considered, he's been better than I could have ever expected of him. I know it hasn't been easy for him; the first two weeks were the hardest. His moods would shift so quickly that even he couldn't keep up with them a lot of the time, but through it all, one thing never changed. Goku had been right in saying that Gohan would want to work things out. At first, his desire to 'fix' our relationship was so forceful and frantic that it seemed to border on an obsession, but after several heated arguments and more than a few nights sleeping in different rooms, he began to calm down somewhat. Of course, every time he looked out any of the windows that faced his father's house next door, he would bristle visibly as though he was sure Goku would suddenly appear and try to take me away at any moment.

If only Gohan knew that I had found myself at those very same windows more than once in the middle of the night when everyone was asleep, wishing for that very thing.

Looking back now, I should have seen what was coming after that. But I didn't, so when Gohan announced to Pan and me that he had arranged for us to move into one of Bulma's corporate suites a few blocks from Capsule Corporation over that weekend, all I could do was stare and force myself to remain calm until he and I could be alone. I knew as soon as he saw Pan's face that he had not considered... well, much of anything, before making such a rash decision. He tried to explain to Pan that we, as in he and I – never mind the fact that I was just in the dark as she was, thought she would like being closer to school and her friends, especially being so close to Trunks and Bra. Pan's answer: I don't want to be close to my friends; I want to be here with Grandpa. Then Gohan tried to comfort her by explaining that, by being closer to Capsule Corps., she'd also be able to spar with Trunks and that he would even see about borrowing the training room sometimes so they could train together. And once again, she shot him down by tearfully proclaiming that she didn't need to train there when her grandpa would spar with her anytime she wanted right in our backyard. And then she had turned to me, demanding to know why we hadn't talked to her about it first when we had always promised that any decision that would affect all of us would be made by all of us.

I ended up sending Pan to my father's house for the night, and what followed was the first and last no-holds-barred battle that Gohan and I have ever had since before we got married.

It had lasted most of the night. Just as I was furious for being misrepresented in Gohan's choice to move us away, he was absolutely livid at my lack of support for his decision. I can barely remember half of what we cursed, screamed, spat, and snarled at each other, though there are a few things that stand out. Like when he claimed that leaving, that moving as far away as possible from Goku, was the only way we could get through what had happened. Or when I called him a short-sighted, selfish bastard, not for leaving me out of the loop, but for being so consumed with his own feelings that he hadn't considered Pan's. And when he countered by accusing me of using Pan as an excuse to remain within arm's reach of my all-too-convenient former lover and very waspishly added that there were plenty of men I could find for a quick fuck in the city.

That was when he found out the hard way that Goku and I had done a hell of a lot more than just have sex, because I sent him flying across the room with a single punch to the jaw that he wasn't expecting. And in truth, despite the sudden burst of pure fury that had made my vision go red when he made that comment, the fact that I had actually _hit_ him because of it had made my heart skip a beat.

And that had been the end of the discussion. That one act seemed to drain every ounce of anger from him, and I was so shocked that I had reacted in such a way that I couldn't make myself move to stop him as he got up off the floor and wiped a thin line of blood from the corner of his mouth before stating in a dull, empty voice that I would need to start packing in the morning and walking stiffly upstairs to our bedroom without looking back at all. Still to this day I haven't apologized to Gohan for doing that, but then again, he's never asked for one. And if he did? As bad as it sounds even within my own mind, I don't know if I would say I was sorry, because I'm not entirely sure that I am.

"Where is the woman?"

My head snaps up to the source of the gruff inquiry, and the one person in the world I was praying I wouldn't run into while I was here returns my wide-eyed stare with a intense one of his own. "Um... she- she's on the phone in the other room," I stammer weakly, pointing towards the living room.

His eyes narrow momentarily as he cocks his head slightly in the direction I mentioned. "Hn, talking to Kakarotto's harpy," he states dismissively, and even though it was a statement rather than a question, I nod nervously to confirm his observation. I turn my attention back to my drink as he pulls a bottle of water from the refrigerator, figuring that the normally tight-lipped fighter will go in search of something more interesting, but I'm proven wrong when he pulls out a platter stacked a foot high with sandwiches and drops it onto the table in front of me, seating himself directly opposite.

Or maybe I wasn't wrong. The food probably _is_ more interesting, considering he's a Saiyajin just like Goku and Gohan.

I keep my eyes lowered and try to convince myself that this isn't as awkward as I think it is, but I'm not doing a good job of selling my unsettled thoughts on the notion. I mean, I understand that Vegeta knew about what was going on between Goku and me before Gohan did, and I know he hasn't told Bulma or anyone else. If he had, everyone would probably know by now. But what I don't know is what he thought about it all. The only real hint I have is the look he gave me the day Goku and Gohan fought - the one that looked suspiciously like approval when I voiced my intent to pick a fight with my out-of-control, ascended Saiyajin husband to save Goku from committing guilt-induced suicide. Then again, maybe I was just seeing things that morning. God knows that I'm no expert on Vegeta and his implacable reasoning, and I had been up all night...

That train of thought is one I need to get off of immediately, so as I hear the _click-clack_ of Bulma's shoes heading this way, I say a silent thank you to the gods for her impeccable timing.

"Sorry about that, Videl," she offers breathlessly, though I can't help but worry that she's not smiling at all as she turns to the man sitting across from me stoically consuming sandwiches in two clean bites each. "Vegeta, can you do me a favor?"

Vegeta chews leisurely before swallowing and turning his fierce midnight orbs on Bulma. "There is nothing wrong with him," he drawls. "The problem lies with the hellcat he is married to."

"Don't talk about Chichi like that," Bulma scolds half-heartedly. "And I think there may be something to worry about this time, Vegeta. Some of what she told me..." she lets the sentence hang, though her anxious tone relays the message with perfect clarity. "She's afraid he may be suffering from some kind of Saiyajin psychosis or something," she continues.

This time, the slight prince snorts derisively. "I have no doubt that she does," came the vague, disinterested reply.

"Vegeta, this isn't funny!" she admonishes sharply as she props herself against the wall, scowling with her arms folded in a manner that leaves no doubt that she picked up the familiar pose from the prince. Despite her disapproving glare, Vegeta picks up another morsel and places the entire the thing into his mouth in such a way that it looks perfectly refined rather than wolfishly inhuman. "Well, there was one thing she said that Son-kun told her to get her off his back that was kinda funny," Bulma allows after a moment, her stance relaxing slightly. "But only because it's so _totally_ absurd."

Even as I feel a foreboding lump form in my throat and my hands tighten around my beverage, I notice Vegeta has stopped eating again and is watching his mate with renewed interest, one eyebrow slightly raised in an unspoken prompt to explain.

"Well, it's..." she begins, but when she throws an uncertain glance at me, my insides feel like they've just been sent on a roller coaster ride; I can feel the blood draining from my face. "I don't think I should say... erm... right now. I mean... you know, Son-kun has a strange sense of humor sometimes..."

"We are all familiar with Kakarotto's idea of humor, woman," Vegeta replies impatiently.

The older woman chews on her bottom lip for a second. "Alright, but" - she turns to me again - "don't freak out or anything, okay?"

"Okay," I force myself to say even as my throat threatens to close entirely.

"Okay," she concedes with a broad grin in my direction, seemingly oblivious to my growing panic even though my hands are starting to shake so badly that the glass I'm holding is scrubbing on the tabletop. "Apparently Chichi was grilling Son-kun about why you guys moved away for the hundredth time or something, and I guess he got tired of her accusing him of encouraging Gohan to leave home" - she rolls her eyes - "like he ever would. Anyway, I guess she must have really been on him, because he finally told her that it was his fault, after all."

Oh gods... he couldn't have told her about us; he _wouldn't_... would he?

"She started asking him what he'd said, and Son-kun told her that he'd done something, but he was reluctant to elaborate. Of course, Chichi figured he was just trying to get her off his case, and she told me that she asked him over and over what he could have possibly done to make Gohan want to come to the city."

Even as I'm looking at the glass that both of my hands are wrapped firmly around, I hear Vegeta lean forward and rest his elbows on the table, and I even catch, out of the corner of my eye, the beginnings of a strange smirk forming on his normally tight lips. That only adds to my growing confusion because, despite my promise and the fear I have of hurting my family, that anxiety is rivaled just as intensely with a dangerous, quickly-growing sense of hope.

He was the one that insisted we go back to the way things were as best we could, but if he's decided it's too much for him... if he's told Chichi what happened between us, then that would mean that all bets are off. Still, the logical part of me knows that if Goku had admitted that he had been involved in an affair - with anyone, not me specifically - to his wife, Bulma wouldn't be laughing about it right now, and Chichi wouldn't be assuming Goku has become mentally unstable.

I don't know if Bulma's pausing for effect or if she suddenly noticed the look of alarm on my face, and quite honestly, I don't care at this point. I just have to know what's happened between Goku and Chichi. "What did he tell her?" I question, forcing the waver out of my voice. "What did Goku tell" - _damn it!_ - "I mean, Goku-_san_ tell her?" I repeat, forcing myself to speak softer and steadier, trading the tone of fright for one of curiosity. "You said I shouldn't freak out about this, but what did he tell her that would make you think I would?"

"Well," Bulma begins, chewing on her thumbnail indecisively for a second before breaking into a fit of nervous giggles, "you know, I bet you won't freak out. I mean, you and Gohan lived next door to Son-kun for years, so I'm sure you know not to take much of what he says seriously."

Vegeta growls impatiently. "Just tell us what the fool said," he insists firmly.

"You're no fun, you know that?" Bulma shoots back, but there's no anger behind it. When she leans over the edge of the table and throws a sly smile my way, it takes every ounce of control I possess to keep my face blank and my breathing steady, all while I concentrate on every word she says next so that I can hear them over the blood that's thundering in my head.

The grin grows even wider until it looks like each corner of her mouth is going to reach her ears, and her eyes never leave mine. "He told Chichi that Gohan moved away because he found out you and Son-kun were having an affair," she whispers conspiratorially, though it's obvious she's having to work hard not to start laughing again.

Her smile disappears when the glass I'm holding shatters in my grasp.

I only vaguely register anything after that - the sudden jerk of the table when Bulma jumps away, the soft buzz of one of the robots of Capsule Corps. immediately responding to a mess that needs to be cleaned, the feel of someone forcing open one of my clenched fists that's holding what is left of what was probably a very expensive piece of glassware. Instead, my gaze locks onto the fathomless black eyes of the only other full-blooded Saiyajin alive.

"He told her?" I whisper raggedly as a million different possibilities bombard my mind and shake the very core of my being.

Vegeta looks as amused as I've ever seen him, and he shrugs noncommittally. "Even Kakarotto has his limits. It was but a matter of time before he sacrificed his judgment to the ridiculous human emotionalism he clings to. But," he continues, though his face becomes very serious, "that is between Kakarotto and his mate."

Oh gods... Chichi! "But after what Chichi said -"

"I was not referring to the fool's wife."

That single statement holds so many amazing and equally frightening implications that I find I can't even begin to question or respond. Thankfully - or not - I don't have to because Bulma's grabbing my arm and pouring some clear liquid, probably alcohol by the smell, all over the palms of my hands, making the numerous little cuts I didn't even notice until now burn painfully.

Oh God! Her glass... our conversation... I was so shocked by what Bulma revealed about Goku's talk with Chichi that I totally spaced out. I all but admitted the truth to Vegeta - of course, since he already knows, that's not big deal - but she's been here the whole time! "I-I'm sorry about that, Bulma-san," I stutter anxiously, trying to gauge whether or not she heard me. Maybe, just maybe I'll be lucky, and she'll have been too preoccupied with the shards of glass on the table or getting the stuff she put on my cuts to have heard the worst of it.

Please, oh please, whoever's listening up there...

"Chichi thinks Son-kun was joking so she'd leave him alone," Bulma states, her voice wavering slightly, and I feel the layers of lies that I've been surrounded in for months begin to crumble around me. She takes a few deep breaths before her eyes level on mine, wide-eyed and pleading desperately. "He wasn't serious, was he? I mean, it's just ridiculous to even consider the possibility, right, Videl?" she questions, forcing several sharp, humorless chuckles to emphasize the point.

This is my chance, probably my _only_ chance. I should just tell her, "Of course it's not true! C'mon, Bulma-san," and give her a few laughs of my own, and she'd probably let the whole thing go without another thought. I mean, if it hadn't happened to me, I wouldn't think it was possible, either.

But now that the opportunity I prayed for moments ago is right here within my grasp, I... I can't. God forgive me, but _I just can't_!

I'm tired of lying to everyone, and I'm tired of lying to myself. Things aren't going to get better. My feelings for Gohan won't ever be what they once were, and my love for Goku isn't going to simply fade away. I know that I made a promise to him, and for as long as he wishes me to, I'll keep it. But the truth still remains. I love Goku like I've never loved anyone in my life - more than I could ever love anyone else - and no matter how many miles separate us or how long it is until the next time I'm lucky enough to see him again, my heart will always belong to him.

"Videl?" Bulma asks meekly.

All I can do is break my dangerously wet eyes from Vegeta's intense stare and turn them to Bulma just as the first tear escapes my eyelids and slips uncomfortably down my cheek. Her eyes become saucers as her jaw falls open; seeing her reaction reminds me once again of what I've done, what I've lost, the palpable trepidation that's been following me any time I considered the chaos a moment like this might bring into my already tormented life.

Bulma leans heavily against the wall and blinks a few times before turning her attention to Vegeta. "The fight Gohan had with Son-kun," she mumbles as though to herself, though Vegeta obviously hears her clearly as he looks at her with a carefully blank expression. "I thought it was weird that he wanted to move all of the sudden, especially when Pan told Bra that she didn't even know they were leaving until a few days before. I... I thought she was exaggerating," she continues almost inaudibly.

"She wasn't," I croak, the memory making my stomach turn nauseously. "Neither of us knew until Gohan told us to start packing."

"You were having an affair with Son-kun," she reiterates, though there's no tone of reprimand in her voice. It's more of an observation, a way for her to digest the information that puts a new light on everything that's been happening lately in the lives of those closest to her. After several more long minutes of Bulma repeating those words soundlessly, she finally seems to have enough of a handle on the concept that her strength returns, and she pushes away from the wall. "You knew," she snaps at Vegeta, who shrugs indifferently.

"I am also aware of the fact that Kakarotto's physical involvement with the woman was not the reason the boy left," Vegeta replies.

Ashamed as I am of my emotional state in front of the stoic prince, I still snap my gaze back to him. "Huh?"

He regards me discerningly for a moment. "Kakarotto did not tell you what he said to Gohan that prompted the end of their battle," he remarks calmly, "and I am not the third-class idiot's messenger."

Translation: Goku's secret is safe with him, so don't even ask. Not that I have the opportunity, because he suddenly pushes his chair back and stands, turning on his heel and heading for the door. He stops as he opens it and glances over his shoulder. "I have no desire to hear endless emotional dribble. My mate is more that capable of dealing with such things, and I am confident that you will find her past experience in a similar situation... enlightening."

I'm not exactly sure what he means by that as the door closes behind him, but one look at Bulma's face tells me it's something big he was hinting at. And then it hits me just as she takes my uninjured hand and gives it a gentle tug.

"C'mon," she offers with an empathetic, mournful smile. "Let's go to the garden so we can talk without the chance of anyone overhearing us." She grins even more as I hesitate, correctly guessing my misgivings. "I know I can be gossipy," she admits before her face turns grave, "but Vegeta knows that I can keep my mouth shut when I need to. Besides, no one should have to go through something like this alone."

I don't even make it out of my chair before the grief I've kept carefully at bay bursts forth, but thankfully Bulma is more than willing to let me lean against her as she guides us into the peaceful night air that contradicts sharply to the storm in my soul.

***  
_._  
***

I don't worry about turning around when I hear Vegeta land on the soft dirt a few feet behind me. He didn't hide his approach, so he knows I'm aware of his presence whether or not I look at him, although his appearance does make me nervous for an entirely different reason. Namely the ki I detected with Bulma that's still fluctuating wildly.

"So that was Bulma that Chichi called, after all," I state darkly.

"I will not tolerate that hellcat of yours upsetting my mate with her incessant foolishness, Kakarotto," Vegeta responds warningly, and I know the sharp words are a double-edged message. He disapproves of Chichi in general, and he is making his displeasure of how I handle her in situations like this crystal clear at the same time.

And at this point, I can't say I blame him.

"Sorry, Vegeta," I apologize solemnly. "I didn't mean for Chi to worry Bulma with this. I don't know what the hell came over me tonight," I admit softly as I look up at the small patch of midnight blue sky that's visible from between the mountains that surround my favorite sparring ground.

"Hn, I see that promise to your _rightful_ mate does not keep you from lying."

I ignore the observation; we both know why I acted like I did, though it has become almost a game for Vegeta to call Videl my mate anytime she comes up in our conversation - which happens to be every time I see him nowadays since he's the only connection I have to either Gohan or Videl these days. "You said she wouldn't last a month," I remind him in a futile attempt at humor, and my voice comes out choked with regret. "You lost."

"The woman is a thick-headed as you are," he replies evenly.

"She's okay, isn't she?" I ask anxiously.

Vegeta huffs condescendingly as he finally moves to stand beside me; his arms, as usual, are crossed comfortably over his chest. "You can sense the weakening of her ki as well as I can," he answers gruffly.

Wow, Chichi's call pissed him off more than I thought. Or maybe he's just tired of dealing with me like this when the simple solution is so clear as far as he's concerned. I'm not about to argue with him about that, though. "I'm sorry, Vegeta," I mumble again as I watch a thick group of clouds obscure the sparkling view above us. "I feel like I'm going insane," I confess with a frown as I try to sort my jumbled thoughts. "Maybe Chichi was right. Maybe I am sick."

"There is nothing wrong with you that was not already beyond repair long ago," Vegeta quips.

I shake my head slowly. "You and I both know that's not entirely true. I mean, I've been married to Chichi for years, and I was perfectly happy before all this."

Vegeta lifts an eyebrow skeptically and snorts.

"Okay, maybe not _happy_," I correct with a sheepish grin, "but I was satisfied with the way things were. I mean, Chi was the way she was, and I pretended to be a brainless guy whose only focuses were eating, training, and saving the planet."

"I doubt your inclination to food has ever been fabricated," the prince comments off-handedly, "as well as your desires to fight or protect this backwater mudball."

I shrug good-naturedly. "The most plausible lie is one wrapped in truth, neh?"

Vegeta's reply is an almost imperceptible nod of assent after a long pause.

Ah well, I'm sure Vegeta's had enough of hearing me whine. "Have you talked to Gohan?"

I don't expect the same cold reaction that I got with the others to that question. He's noticed that Gohan's shielding his ki, though he's not as acutely aware of the cutoff as I am. What I told Chichi earlier was true. If something was seriously wrong with my son, I'd know it immediately because he wouldn't be able to sever himself so painfully and completely from me otherwise.

Vegeta nods once. "He inquired about Saiyajin mating," he elaborates meaningfully as his eye darts to me momentarily. He seems satisfied that I got the gist of it when a strangled gasp accidentally slips out.

"He plans to make Videl his life mate," I groan helplessly, despite my claims that I want them to work things out and that I want her to move on with her life. I mean, you can't make a commitment any more permanent than intertwining your soul unbreakably with another person.

"That was his intention," Vegeta confirms as a sly smirk finds its way onto his lips. I stare blankly back for a minute, and the smirk grows even broader. "_Was_," he repeats conspiratorially.

It takes me a few minutes to grasp his hint this time. I mean, I'm no expert on Saiyajin mating - my only source has been the bits and pieces given to me by Vegeta - but Gohan knows even less than me, and if Vegeta wanted to lead him astray, it wouldn't be too difficult, no matter how smart my son is. "You told him he couldn't," I whisper tentatively. When Vegeta doesn't answer, but rather shrugs indifferently, it's as good as any confirmation I could get from him. "I can't believe you lied to Gohan!" I cry, half disappointed and half immensely relieved.

"I did no such thing, Kakarotto."

"But you just said -"

"I know what I said," he interrupts sternly, "and I do not recall mentioning anything having to do with spreading falsehoods."

And this opens up a whole new set of possibilities. "You mean Gohan really can't bond with Videl?" The temperamental royal nods once again. "But... but why? I don't understand; it's not like I could stop him."

"You already have," he answers blandly.

My head's so scrambled right now that I have no way of deciding whether that's a good or bad thing... "How?"

"When two Saiyajins compete for one mate, the winner of the battle earns the right to decide," he explains matter-of-factly. "The one who fails cannot change that. There are only two ways that Gohan could supersede the result of your combat. Either the potential mate can initiate the bonding herself with the mate of her choice, though with a human, I doubt that is a possibility..."

"Or?" I prompt hesitantly.

"Or you must relinquish your claim on her to him directly," Vegeta concluded.

Oh gods, that means it's totally up to me, then.

We've been apart for months under a mutual agreement that we would never be together again, but now that Vegeta has put this right in my face, I don't know if I can let her go like that. I'd be lying to him and me if I said that there hasn't been a corner in my mind waiting, praying for her to break her word and come back to me. But if she becomes his mate according to Saiyajin tradition, that's it. There will be no chance for us until she passes into the afterlife, and that's only if she managed to keep her body in death while Gohan didn't.

But on the other hand, this isn't just any woman. This is my son's wife, a woman he truly loves with all of his heart. How can I allow my own selfish desires to stand in the way of that when she is so torn? Videl is showing signs of severe strain, but she's hanging in there. Doesn't that on it's own prove that she's gonna be okay in time?

And I love my son, and this may be my only chance to redeem myself to him. It may be the only way he'll ever forgive me for what I've done to him.

"I warn you," Vegeta intones somberly, "that knowingly rebuking a bond as strong as the one you and your son's woman have already developed, whether you acknowledge that fact or not, will have considerable side effects on both of you. A mating that is initiated and decided by honorable combat is not meant to be left unfulfilled, especially under these circumstances. This particular provision to the ritual is meant to be used only when intended mates have been separated by battle, and one of them is near death."

"Will it hurt Videl?"

Vegeta takes a deep breath. "Because she is human and not naturally telepathic, I doubt the effects would be life-threatening," he answers stoically.

That settles it, then. Of course, there is the possible negative outcome that I don't even know he's sure of. "You said this is meant to be used when people are separated by battle, so does that mean this can be done at a distance?" I ask suddenly as an idea comes to me.

"Distance does not matter as long as you are able to establish a mental link with the boy," Vegeta replies interestedly. "Do you intend to make a return trip to Dende's domain?"

"Too risky," I state genuinely. If this thing is as detrimental as Vegeta is implying, I can't take any chances of losing control of my power around anyone. "I was actually wondering if your spare gravity capsule is still spaceworthy."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight, Part Two:**

**Fate Plays Its Final Hand **

***  
_._  
***

"I don't even know where to begin," I confess in a shaky whisper.

Bulma's gaze moves up towards the sky, and her expression looks especially contemplative beneath the dim light of the stars. "I guess that depends on how much you want to tell me," she replies after a long pause.

I bite my bottom lip anxiously, wondering if this is a bad idea for at least the tenth time in the five minutes we've been sitting on this iron bench in the corner of her mother's flower garden. I keep trying to wring my hands, only to wince at the painful reminder of how Bulma found out about this in the first place. "I never wanted to hurt either of them," I offer after a moment, though the words sound so feeble and worthless as I repeat them in my head, and I groan inaudibly at my inability to articulate everything that's happened over the last few months and years. Or maybe I can't express it because I know, deep down, that there's no excuse for this.

"I know you didn't," she assures me knowingly, "and you don't have to worry about me judging you. I've known Son-kun and Gohan for a long time, Videl, and I love those Son boys like they're part of my family. But I also care a lot for you, and I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened unless there was something seriously wrong between you and Gohan."

"And between Goku and Chichi," I add under my breath.

I guess the wind was blowing just the right way, because Bulma chuckles softly at the comment. "Yeah, we all kinda figured that out when Son-kun refused to be wished back to life after the fight with Cell," she muses before glancing at me, "but that was a long time ago, and you never really know what goes on in his head from one moment to the next. For all I know, he may have just wanted an extended vacation, though I'd find a way to beat his ass for being so selfish if that's all it was."

Without even thinking about it, I shake my head. "That's not why he chose to stay dead."

This time, Bulma's eyes move to meet mine and stay there. "He told you why he wouldn't let us wish him back?"

It's interesting that this came up, because it's one of the first things I asked Goku when we started talking about our pasts. I had always wondered about it, ever since Gohan came clean about what _really_ happened during the Cell Games, as well as how he felt during the many years that followed. My husband had never asked his father about it when he did return simply because he was so happy just to have him home again that he didn't need an explanation any longer. Naturally, I had been naively indignant towards Goku about the whole thing, even after so many years had passed. I mean, I had lived without my mom all of my life, and God knows my father isn't anything to gloat over, but I've never doubted his love for me, even if his ability to show it is kind of abstract. I know without a doubt that my day would never have remained dead and left my well-being in the hands of someone else if he was given even the slightest chance to change it.

But then again, my dad isn't the misplaced Saiyajin Son Goku, either, and I realized that _that_ makes all the difference in the world. I also found out that it was the toughest decision he's ever made in his life, but for a man with his physical strength and strength of character, I discovered that his options have always been loaded with possible risks and blatant drawbacks. I can't imagine having to make some of the choices he's had to, that's for sure. I'm surprised he's never told Bulma-san, though. Unless it's because his explanation indicates foresight on his part, which hints at intelligence that would have blown his 'sweet but stupid' facade.

Bulma's still watching me carefully, her features open and genuinely expectant as I nod my head. "A lot of it was because he felt bad about his relationship - or lack of one - with Chichi, and he blamed himself for a lot of their problems," I explain solemnly. "But he was also worried about Gohan. He was the one that put the fate of the world on Gohan's shoulders because he knew that even though Gohan was so young, he was also the most powerful. When that monster got desperate and planned to kill everyone, forcing Goku to intervene, he said that he knew then that he'd been wrong to ever consider putting his son in that position. He felt like he should have stuck it out and let Cell kill him outright. He thinks that if he had, Gohan would have been able to channel his rage into power, and Gohan would have been able to save everyone without having to suffer through the guilt he felt afterward, blaming himself for his father's death."

"Since he keeps his physical body when he dies, he knew he could be wished back anytime in the future if he was needed. Until then, he could train at Kaio-sama's and get strong enough to defend the planet and his family if another creature like Cell ever threatened it again. And he figured it'd be a lot easier to do that without Chichi around to interfere, since she never could understand his natural inclination to fight in the first place. And he was afraid she'd never let him live down making Gohan take Cell on, no matter what was at stake."

Bulma's jaw is hanging open now, and I smile minutely as my mind's eye replays the end of the conversation Goku and I had months earlier; it's so clear that I can almost feel the soft blades of grass between my toes and hear the fabric of Goku's gi shift when he leans back and looks up at me with a _real_ smile. "He told me that he just gave you guys the short version of his reasoning. He was willing to risk the assumption that he was just being thoughtless so Gohan wouldn't feel like his dad was deserting them because of his actions in that fight, or any blame concerning his death. He wanted Gohan to grow up knowing that Goku had made the decision to die and remain that way himself. Well, that, and he was scared as hell of Chichi."

"Wow," Bulma breathes in shock. "And here I was, guessing that Son-kun was just bored and didn't consider anyone else's feelings at the time."

I bow my head to hide a derisive snort as the wrongness of that statement hits me squarely in the center of my already broken heart. "The only feelings Goku doesn't consider enough are his own," I murmur angrily.

"What do you mean?" Bulma asks gently. "Are you talking in general, or about what happened between the two of you?"

I look back up and shrug negligibly. "Both."

Comprehension dawns suddenly on Bulma's smooth face, and she gasps sharply as one of her hands covers her open mouth. "Oh God, Videl..."

"I know," I respond. "It's crazy - all of it. I mean, I never would have believed a year ago that I would ever be capable of cheating on my husband, no matter how distant we'd become or how lonely I felt. And Goku... he'd always acted so carefree and happy, even when he was having to stay at my house as much as his own because Chichi kept throwing him out. But then," I try to swallow away the tightness in my throat that's making my voice sound hoarse, "one night he came, and the naive, childlike face slipped," I confess softly. "He saw what it was like between Gohan and me that night, and it was like... I don't know how to describe it," I fumble. "I saw a whole different side of him then. He was just as hurt and lonely as I was, and he needed someone to really love him just like I did. And we just... grabbed onto it, I guess. Neither of us knew that we would find so much more in each other. I certainly never would have believed that I could fall in love with someone like Goku. And now... now I don't know how long I can keep going on without him."

Bulma's surprise seems to be diminishing as the time passes. "You know, this explains a lot," she confesses tiredly. "You have no idea how many calls I've gotten from Chichi recently about Son-kun and his strange behavior." She grins sheepishly. "I thought she was overreacting - until tonight, that is."

"I imagine she _would_ think he's gone off his rocker if he's keeping his promise to me," I add humorlessly.

"What do you mean? What promise?"

I take a deep breath to steady myself. "In exchange for my word that I would go back to Gohan and work things out with him, I made Goku promise to be himself instead of pretending to be a happy-go-lucky idiot. Which he is not," I add sternly. "Keeping up that facade costs him so much, and that price is just too high, even for someone as strong as him."

Bulma leans forward, her lips curving downward into a thoughtful frown as the hand that had been over her mouth cups her chin. "So Son-kun made you promise to work things out with Gohan?" I nod once, and she pauses as she chews absently on one of her fingernails. "Was that the only reason you went back to him?"

"No," I reply after a moment to think about how to word my thoughts. "We both had our families to consider, so that promise wasn't the only reason I went back to my husband. But," I continue, despite the fact that my chest tightens painfully, "it is the only reason I've stayed with him."

"You don't love Gohan anymore," Bulma whispers.

"I care about Gohan," I amend solemnly. "That's never changed, but no, I'm not in love with him. The truth is, before Goku, that sentiment seemed so overrated and intangible to me. I thought being in love with someone was a glorified form of commitment. And in that way, I loved Gohan very much at one time, but... I don't know if I was ever truly _in love_ with him. But with Goku... God, it's like he's s part of myself I didn't know was missing, but now that he's gone -"

"You feel empty without him," she finishes.

Bulma leans against the curved back of the bench and rests both of her hands in her lap. "How long has all this been going on?" she asks. "I mean, are we talking about a few years, or a handful of meetings in the last few months or what?"

"It's all happened pretty fast, actually," I admit carefully. "Barely more than six months, and three of those have been after the fact." I notice the doubtful look on my friend's face as she lifts a thin eyebrow skeptically. "I know that doesn't sound like a long time for me to feel so strongly for Goku -" I begin.

"No, it's not that," Bulma interrupts seriously. "I remember what is was like with me and Vegeta. One day I thought he was an arrogant, cold-hearted bastard, and I was totally head-over-heels crazy about him the next. It happened just that fast. I don't think it was quite the same for him," she confides with a grin, "but that's just how he is. And he came around after a while. I can imagine that if you and Son-kun made a connection like Vegeta and I did, especially considering how open Son-kun is to things Vegeta would consider 'stupid human emotions', that you and he could easily have fallen very much in love."

Her brow furrows, and I can tell that she's trying to choose her next words carefully. "What I have a hard time grasping is that either of you allowed it to happen at all," she says apologetically. "I'm trying to fathom how much you must have been hurting to betray your husband, because I like to think I know you pretty well, and I've seen how loyal you are to your friends and your family. And Son-kun... Kami, Videl, that's even more bizarre! We all knew that he and Chichi had their problems - they always have - but for him to get romantically involved with _you_ of all people! I mean... Son-kun loves both his boys with all his heart, and I don't want to make it out like he plays favorites," she explains. "But he and Gohan went through more together in Gohan's first twelve years than most fathers and sons tackle in a lifetime. The bond between them is uncanny, even by Saiyajin standards according to what Vegeta's told me. I just can't imagine a point that he could get to where he would be willing to risk losing the most important person in his life."

"I really can't explain why," I admit guiltily. "And the truth is... well, I tried not to think about it too much. I knew how badly it would hurt both of them if Gohan found out, but..."

Bulma puts her hand gently on my arm when my silence lasts a few seconds. "What?" she encourages gently.

God help me," I moan desperately, "but I needed Goku, Bulma-san. I need him _so much_!"

"Even now?" she inquires with genuine curiosity.

I draw in a long rush of city air and find that it makes me long for my house in the mountains even more. I miss the emerald-green grass of my backyard. I miss the glittering snow that always caps the highest peaks, no matter what season it is. I miss the lazy flow of the streams and the icy water in the ponds. I miss everything about my old home, but I know very well that I'd trade it all for a cardboard box as long as I could be with Goku.

"Now... gods, I need him now more than ever," I whisper as another tear falls.

"Oh, honey," Bulma soothes as she pulls me to her, wrapping me in a one-armed hug. Her tone is so tender and motherly that the thin barrier that's held back the grief I've suffered over the past few months collapses. She doesn't protest as I turn and bury my face into her shoulder, letting the soft cotton of her shirt absorb the wet deluge of my sorrow.

"I don't know what to do," I sob helplessly.

Bulma sighs heavily as her free hand begins smoothing down the stray hairs behind my ear. "I wish I could tell you something that would take away your pain," she says softly. "Believe me, if I could have invented something the would heal a broken heart, I would have done it a long time ago," she adds playfully. I can't help but chuckle harshly against my cries of anguish.

"It's too bad," I reply with an unladylike sniffle. "Something like that would make more money than when your dad invented capsules."

She laughs and nods before resting her cheek on the top of my head. "Well, until the day comes when I can create a regeneration device that can restore a battered heart, I can at least offer you my shoulder to cry on and my ear anytime you need to talk to someone."

"Am I doing the right thing by staying with Gohan?" I ask hesitantly. I know logically that she can't give me an answer to such a subjective and impossible question, but I can't help it. I need to hear something... _anything_.

And as I expected, she shakes her head. "I don't know, Videl," she answers sadly. "I really don't know."

_._

.

Vegeta's scowling impatiently as I pick myself up off the ground and give my head a quick shake to get rid of the colors his well-placed punch sent across my vision. I know I shouldn't be trying to spar with him when my mind keeps wandering, but I had to do something, and I'm not ready to go back and stare at the walls of my room just yet.

"If you want to fight, then pay attention," he hisses.

"Sorry, Vegeta," I offer, blinking rapidly to bring my eyes back into focus. "You've gotten faster," I add, as honestly impressed with his abilities as I've always been. And there's a measure of truth to what I just told him. Even if I had been paying attention, I think he would have got me with the combination he used anyway.

"Hn." Rather than crouching into a defensive stance so we can resume, he surprises me when he looks towards the sky, his expression becoming blank.

"What's wrong?" I ask after several moments of silence pass.

He continues to stare at the skyscape, and I almost give up on him answering me at all before he takes a breath and begins to speak. "You are a warrior, a _Saiyajin_ warrior, Kakarotto, and yet you still insist on denying that which you can never change."

Wow ... I didn't see this one coming. I was expecting a razor-sharp insult to shut me up or his typical scowl-and-growl. God knows Vegeta's not known for his people skills, and though he does consider me worthy of a word or two every so often, I can't remember him ever leaving this kind of opening for a - dare I say it? - friendly discussion. "What do you mean?" I ask curiously.

His royal features look even more severe than usual when he finally looks back down and levels his narrowed eyes on me. "You continue to carry on this charade of being one of these pathetic, weak humans, despite what your instincts tell you. You have willfully and adamantly dishonored your heritage and disgraced our race on a daily basis your entire life. The knowledge that you are the only one besides myself left of our people sickens me, and I am even more disgusted to have to admit that your departure will make my life on this fucking mudball even more tedious than normal." And with that, he clears his throat roughly and immediately looks back at the stars.

I'll be damned... If I hadn't been here to hear it myself, I would never have believed it. I've become an expert at deciphering the unique dialect Bulma likes to call 'Vegeta Standard' since he uses it on me more than anyone else.

He just told me that he's disappointed in my decision to not accept this bond he keeps talking about and leave, and that he's going to miss me. Not in the conventional sense, I know; we aren't bosom buddies or anything, but it's like he said. He and I are it as far as pure-blooded Saiyajins go. Sure, there are five others with our blood in their veins, but we both learned long ago that it's not the same as the real thing. Gohan is the closest thing there is - his natural strength and speed are comparable to my own when he's inclined to use them, which isn't very often. And Goten... well, being the youngest Super Saiyajin in history didn't change his apathetic attitude towards training and improving his skills, especially as he got older.

Trunks is the same way. The one that came from the future to help us beat Cell was a warrior through-and-through, but that had been totally out of necessity, much like it was for Gohan when he was a child. The Trunks of our time chooses hanging out at the movies over sparring on a regular basis. And then there's Bra who, despite being half-Saiyajin, acts more like a human woman than my own wife does. She shops, she goes to school, she shops, she talks on the phone, and she shops some more. I've even seen her run to Vegeta with huge tears in her eyes because she broke a nail, crying about how much it hurt and insisting that she make an emergency trip to the mall to get it fixed.

As for Pan, she's got more desire than the lot of mine and Vegeta's children combined, but she falls short on the pure power our people are born with. Sure, she's stronger than your average human, but she'll never be able to come close to any of the others, though it won't be for lack of trying.

I can sympathize with the sentiment, as well. He won't be the only one missing the challenge we naturally offer one another. After eight years in the Afterlife, I learned one very important lesson above all others: there isn't another race in the universe like us, and unless there's a group of incomprehensibly powerful immortals out there, all I've got to look forward to in space are the walls of the gravity room.

Then again, what, aside from a good spar with Vegeta now and then, do I have to keep me down here? Maybe it's the pain and isolation from Videl swaying my judgment. Hell if I know.

There's only one thing I know without a doubt. If I can't be with her - if I have to appease Saiyajin _whatever_ so that Gohan and Videl can set things right and be happy together - then that's what I'll do. I mean, if what Vegeta says is true and there's already a kind of bond formed between us, then she must be miserable. Or worse, that Gohan told her what Vegeta told him, that they can't join their souls until I release this... thing... between the two of us, and she blames me for it.

But she would be right. I don't know when or how or why or even _if_ it happened. But I'm the one that made her promise to work things out, and I have to believe that that's what she wants, too. _I have to._ If I ever let myself think differently for more than a fleeting moment, God help us all, 'cause I'll transport myself to wherever she may be, wrap my arms around her as tight as her body would allow and never, ever let her go again.

"I have to go, Vegeta. It's the only way to make things right." Vegeta's jaw clenches once; it's the only indication I get that he even heard me. "I'll be back in a few years," I add hopefully. "I mean, I'm not going to totally abandon my boys or Pan for too long, and if there's ever a threat, I'll be here in a matter of seconds. So you can't slack off on your training, because I'll eventually be at your door, half-dead from boredom and looking for a good match."

"I do not 'slack off', bastard," he snaps. "By the time you deem it appropriate to return to the planet, I will be more than happy to beat your thick skull in. Perhaps _then_ you will be more inclined to conduct yourself like a true Saiyajin warrior."

I shrug resignedly. "Maybe this whole un-bonding thing will make me just crazy enough to do that."

"You joke about it," Vegeta growls warningly, his face grave, "but do not forget that you are a product of an incident that has already changed your born disposition. This act could very well alter it again, and not in such an unthreatening way."

That's a scary thought. I mean, I decided on the spaceship in case I went crazy, but if I went even beyond that... If I became openly aggressive and violent, who knows how many people could get hurt before someone could stop me? "You and Gohan would both know if that happened by a shift in my ki." He nods once, his face totally expressionless. "Are the capsules still designed so they can be destroyed from the ground?" His head dips down once again. He knows where I'm going with this, but I'm gonna say it anyway because I don't want there to be any question on what to do if the worst-case scenario comes up. "If you think I'm about to lose my mind, I'm counting on you to blow up the ship and kill me before I can shield myself from the blast."

"Perhaps we should see if it is in a condition to fly first," he replies sarcastically as he lifts into the air. "We will need to run the necessary system checks tonight, and the woman will need time to make provisions. I will expect you at Capsule Corporation in fifteen minutes." And with that, he leaves in a blazing blue streak of ki.

No arguments from me. The sooner I can get this over with, the better it'll be for everyone.

_._  
***

I don't know how long Bulma and I have been sitting out here, but I'm pretty sure after all the tears I've poured over her shirt, she needs to change into a different one.

"I'm sorry, Bulma-san -"

"You don't have to apologize," she replies firmly. "I know how hard it is to feel obligated to one man and be in love with another." When I give her a curious glance, she leans back and her expression becomes distant. "I had been with Yamcha for years when Vegeta came to live at Capsule Corps. I mean, we had our share of problems, but I cared a lot about Yamcha, and he was really sweet when he wanted to be."

I've never actually talked to Bulma about what happened between her and her ex-boyfriend. It was before my time, and I had never thought it was any of my business, but now that she's brought it up... Of course, I've heard plenty of stories over the years of what probably happened, though no one actually knows for sure.

"But he cheated on you, didn't he?" I ask blindly as I remember what the general belief was regarding their break-up and her quick rebound with Vegeta.

She laughs, shaking her head. "Are people still saying that?" When I nod, she sighs resignedly. "Poor Yamcha... it's his own fault for always looking at those awful magazines."

"He didn't cheat on you?"

"If he did, I never knew about it," she answers. "He had a roaming eye, definitely, but so did I." She chuckles at my wide-eyed expression.

"So you broke up with Yamcha for Vegeta?" I ask breathlessly. "Even after you'd been with him for so long? You gave up all that time you'd put into the relationship?"

She bites her lip for a moment. "Not exactly," she responds shyly.

It takes me a minute to realize what she's hinting at. "You... you're the one that cheated?"

"Like I said, it all happened really fast," she offers as confirmation. "And the truth is, even though I had fallen for Vegeta, I was afraid of losing Yamcha. I mean, we'd been together for so long - he was my first real boyfriend. I wasn't willing to throw away all those years that we had gone through together on the remote chance that Vegeta would eventually love me like I loved him."

Oh God... "But you _did_ eventually choose Vegeta," I prompted anxiously.

"Woah, Videl," she stops, waving a hand in front of her. "It wasn't that simple," she explains knowledgeably. "Nothing having to do with being involved with a Saiyajin ever is. If everything hadn't happened exactly like it did, I probably would have ended up staying with Yamcha. But between the pregnancy and the bonding thing -"

"The what?"

Bulma blinks a few times, her face a mask of confusion. "You know, that thing that happens when one of these guys chooses the person they're gonna be with for the rest of their life."

I have absolutely no clue what she's talking about, but something tells me its very, _very_ important.

Her eyes become wide as saucers. "Wait a minute. I knew you weren't bonded to Gohan - Vegeta griped about it for weeks after you two got married - but you mean he didn't even tell you anything about it?"

"No, he's never mentioned anything like that to me," I reply quickly. "What is it, exactly?"

"Well, it's kind of hard to explain," she admits with a frown. "See, Saiyajins don't get married and stuff like that. They have this ritual that they go through instead, and when it's finished, they're bound to their mates on a mental and... well, spiritual level, really. From that moment on, there's a connection between the two." She sighs, and I notice that she seems sort of sad. "It doesn't work both ways for me and Vegeta, but we both figured it's because humans aren't naturally telepathic like they are, but I can sense things sometimes..."

"Like what?"

She sits and ponders for a moment before speaking again. "When he's feeling an especially strong emotion, sometimes I can feel traces of it. It doesn't happen very often, though. The last time was when he tried to kill Majin Buu by blowing himself up," she answers softly, and it's apparent that the memory is still painful for her to remember, even after all this time. She seems to recover quickly and goes on. "And if he deliberately wants me to know something, he can communicate with me in a pinch, though we both prefer talking to mindspeak. But Vegeta can sense anything that goes on with me. My thoughts, feelings, memories," - she looks meaningfully at me - "and my secrets... they're all an open book to him."

Well, that proves no such connection exists between me and Gohan. But... "If Gohan knew about this when we got married," I mutter more to myself than to Bulma, "why didn't he want to bond with me?"

"One word," she replies tiredly. "Chichi."

"Chichi?"

"She's not a big fan of Saiyajin... anything," Bulma clarifies. "And she personally thought the whole thing was bogus, anyway."

I gape for several minutes. "But... but she knew about you and Vegeta, didn't she? I mean, what woman wouldn't want that kind of connection with her husband? I don't understand," I moan, holding my head in my hands. God knows how much of what's happening now could have been avoided if Gohan had been aware of all of my thoughts and feelings over the years...

Bulma just shrugs helplessly. "You know how Chichi is when she makes her mind up. Besides, the ritual itself isn't always necessary. I've never gone through it," she states, and I look back up at her questioningly. "With me and Vegeta, it just... happened. And being stuck on this planet with a human woman as a mate was the last thing in the world he wanted, believe me," she goes on, her eyes rolling. "But now he says it was unavoidable. Apparently bonds that form naturally between two people are a lot stronger than the ones that are created by their ritual." She gives her hand a careless wave. "Anyway, the point is since it didn't 'just happen' between Goku and Chichi, she had no desire to make it happen if it didn't occur on its own."

"But," I begin, trying to find the words to ask my next question, "if that's true, then what would stop Goku from creating a bond with someone else?" She raises an eyebrow at me suspiciously. "I know, I'm not saying he would do it on purpose. Believe me, I know how he feels about keeping his commitments, but... Well, you said that you and Vegeta bonded, and he didn't even want to, right?"

Bulma's already shaking her head slowly. "I don't know. I assume there's something that happens which would keep it from happening - it would make sense - but I'm no expert on this stuff. If you really want to know, you should ask Vegeta."

And suddenly she's looking to the sky. "And speak of the devil," she mutters with a grin as I see something that looks like a blue comet flying in our direction. It lands on the other side of the building from where we are, and Bulma gets up, peering curiously in his direction. "Where is he going at this hour?" she asks, glancing at her watch. "Oh, he better not have fried the gravity room again." Several seconds pass before she explodes. "Damn it! That's exactly what he did, I just know it! That's the only reason he ever uses the spare. And he isn't even going to tell me he broke the damned thing!"

Just as I'm about to point out that we just saw him fly home, so he hasn't been here to break anything, a strange tingle starts at the base of my neck. I blink several times in confusion as the sensation goes downward until it's in the pit of my stomach where it explodes into a combination of shock and fear. Gods, what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I feeling so strange all of a sudden? It's... it's like an internal warning bell or a beacon of some kind, but hell if I know what it's supposed to be telling me. Then I hear the front swing open, and Bulma and I both turn to see Gohan striding across the yard, a look of anger and concentration drawing deep lines in his brow. Then he yanks the glasses off his face and shoves them in the front pocket of his slacks before floating off the ground, flying behind the building.

"And now Gohan's going, too?" Bulma questions in disbelief. "Well, this has got to be one of the strangest nights of my life. What do you think's going on?" she asks me casually. Her face becomes worried when she sees me, but I can't help it. Now I know what that feeling was, and I know why Gohan came out in such a hurry. The problem is that I can't seem to make my throat open up enough to tell her.

"You know what, I'm gonna go find out what they're up to," she offers after a moment. "Why don't you -"

I don't wait for her to give me the invitation to go inside. Before she has time to move, I'm running as fast as I can into the house, up the stairs, and into the large laboratory on the second floor. Thanks to Gohan and Bulma both (helped along by babysitting Trunks and Bra a few times), I know almost every button on the various control panels by heart, and it only takes me a second to find the button labeled Security Surveillance Feed for the spare ship.

*~*~*~*  
_._  
***

"So, what do we need to do first?" I ask more sharply than I intended, forcing myself to ignore two powers that have just skyrocketed at my unexpected presence, though how the hell one of 'em knows I'm here is beyond me. Last I knew, she couldn't sense ki, and Gohan wasn't with her when I got here.

Vegeta smirks evilly. "Perhaps dealing with your half-breed son properly for a change would be your best option."

"That's what I plan to do, Vegeta," I reply flatly, "once we know this thing can get off the ground."

He huffs indignantly before moving gracefully to the control panel to boot up the main system. He punches in several command codes, and line after line of strange letter and number combination pop up on the view screen. He studies them intently, his eyes scanning deliberately over each line as they scroll automatically.

I'm glad he knows this stuff, 'cause it looks like gibberish to me, and I simply lean against the wall and close my eyes, my consciousness being tugged to two different areas. One is somewhere in the upstairs of the house, while the other is pacing frantically outside not more than ten feet away from us.

"Open the door and tell the boy to get in here."

My eyes snap open, and I growl softly. "Vegeta, I've already told you, I'm not fighting Gohan again."

"Fool, he knows this system better than I do," he snaps impatiently. "Your only other option is to drag the woman in here."

Shit, talk about a catch twenty-two. If I open the door for Gohan, he's liable to blast me first thing, and if I go for Bulma, I'll have to explain why I need the ship. I know I'll have to do it eventually, but I wasn't actually expecting to have to do it _tonight_.

Then I feel Bulma's presence getting closer, and my gut suddenly gets very heavy. "Bulma's walking over here," I moan softly. "If she sees Gohan -"

"Open the fucking door, Kakarotto." When I hesitate another moment, Vegeta glares over his shoulder. "If you have changed your mind, transport yourself back home and quit wasting my time!"

No, I won't change my mind. I was going to have to tell Bulma and Gohan both about this... Didn't I just tell myself the sooner I got this over with, the better?

Me and my big mouth...

With a deep breath and a resigned sigh, I walk to the door, say a short prayer, and hit the release button. This door moves slower than the one on the newer capsule, and I remind myself to keep breathing as it slides open.

Standing rigid with his eyes boring into me is my oldest son, and I feel a mixture of guilt and sadness bombard me.

"What are you doing here?" he growls defensively, his eyes shifting between me and Vegeta.

"Gohan," I croak, cursing myself inwardly as my mind goes blank at seeing him like this. "I - I'm just - "

Vegeta spins around and I can see his jaw clenching as he stares at me furiously. Then his gaze moves to Gohan, and I see my son immediately look away, his features softening slightly. "Get in here, boy."

It would be funny under any other circumstances, because Gohan nearly trips as he scrambles through the door as though he were a kid again. To his credit, he seems to compose himself once he's inside and his eyes land back on me. Without looking away, he cocks his head towards Vegeta. "Yes, Vegeta-san?"

"What's the woman's password to do a scan on the navigation and flight systems?"

The anger flickers away for a fraction of a second. "It - it's 'doruka mada' - it means stubborn idiot in Namek," he explains when Vegeta raises an eyebrow.

Vegeta snorts, though it seems more amused than insulted. "Smartass woman," he grumbles as he punches in the pass code and new streams of miscellaneous data flood the screen.

Gohan looks away, finally, as his attention follows the information that's coming up. "Why are you checking the flight system, Vegeta-san?" he asks after a long pause, though I notice his voice is unusually tense. When it looks like Vegeta isn't going to answer, Gohan takes a step towards him, and I see him swallow hard. "Bulma-san hasn't mentioned that you were planning to go anywhere."

"I'm not," he snaps as he jerks his head toward me. "He is."

Gohan stiffens, his fists clenched at his sides and his breathing shallow. I feel the mental wall my son erected between our minds shudder, and traces of both relief and sorrow slip through even as my own guilt floods my consciousness.

Then he turns his head ever so slightly in my direction. "You're leaving?"

It takes all my years of training to keep my voice from wavering. "Yeah."

"When?"

"As soon as possible," I reply quietly.

The muscles in his jaw flex several times, and I can sense his emotions going haywire; knowing that I'm the cause of that pain nearly tears me apart. I want to go to him, comfort him just like I did when he was a kid, tell him everything'll be okay, that he's strong enough to get through anything if he puts his heart and soul into it. And it kills me to know I don't have the right to do that anymore.

It seems like he's bracing himself as he finally turns around and faces me completely. "Are you leaving for good?" he questions tentatively, his shaking gaze finding mine, and it's the first time since this whole thing came out that I don't see pure, undiluted hatred in his eyes. There's still anger, but there are so many other things mixed in with it.

If I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing before, I am now.

"I don't know," I admit with a helpless shrug. "I guess it depends on a lot of things I'm not sure about yet."

Gohan stares at me for a while before replying, but when he does, the hard edge is back. "Vegeta told you about the bonding," he states tightly.

"A little," I concede, forcing myself to remain calm so I can finish as Gohan's ki flares substantially. "He also told me there's a way to break it. That's why I need to get off-planet."

I can tell he didn't see that one coming. "Bu-but I thought -"

He doesn't get to finish, thanks to the sudden pounding on the door. Vegeta and I share a quick look - he, to see if I care whether or not Bulma joins our little group, and me giving him a nod I don't think even Gohan caught on to. With the push of a button, the door slides open once again, and Bulma storms in as I take several steps back. She looks like she's about to let Vegeta have it, stopping short only when she takes her eyes off of him and Gohan and sees me in my little corner.

"Son-kun," she begins with wide eyes, and I'm bombarded with a mass of different emotions from her, too, many of which don't make sense to me. I mean, it's not the first time I've shown up unexpectedly...

"Hey, Bulma," I greet with a small smile. "Sorry about dropping in like this, but Chichi and I kinda had a little fight, and -"

I'm not sure what it is I said that snapped her out of whatever was keeping her from speaking, but her face suddenly becomes enraged, as well as a little hurt, and she stalks over and pokes her finger in my chest.

"How long have I known you, Son-kun? Huh? How many years? How many times have I almost _died_ going on some crazy adventure with you?" she begins angrily, her words moving faster than my brain can follow.

Which is probably a good thing, because it's obvious she doesn't want me to talk yet when she continues.

She finally stops trying to impale me with her finger and crosses her arms over her chest. "I thought I was your best friend," she accuses heatedly.

"You-you are," I manage out in my shock, and I take a quick peek at the other two people in the room. Vegeta seems to know exactly what's going on if the smirk on his face is any indication, but Gohan looks just as bewildered by Bulma's ranting as I am.

"Oh really?" she shrieks. "Then why didn't you tell me, huh? I mean, I used to _bathe_ you, for God's sake!"

Okay, now I'm _really_ confused. "Tell you what, Bulma?" I ask worriedly.

"_Everything!_" she screams, making me cringe. "Your marriage, this whole thing with Videl," - my stomach immediately drops, and I see Gohan stagger - "and..." She pauses, and I see every ounce of anger melt out of her face, leaving only the hurt and sympathy. "If I'm supposed to be your best friend, why'd you let me think you were a happy, empty-headed idiot all these years? After all the times you've helped save this place, why didn't you tell me you needed someone to help _you_ this time?"

And then she turns her head away and sniffles before muttering, "Stupid Saiyajin men," under her breath; she leans forward, wrapping her arms around my waist in a strong hug, burying her face in my shirt, and all I can do is return the embrace and curse myself once again for making another huge error in judgment by not trusting my closest friends.

"I'm sorry I never said anything, Bulma," I whisper raggedly. "I just didn't want you guys to worry about me."

"We would've been there for you, you know," she admonishes as she pulls away and wipes her eyes. "Me, Krillin, Yamcha... even Kami. We all love you, even if you're not just a big, smiling oaf like we thought you were."

I nod, and I know now that it's true. Hell if I know why I thought acting like I have was necessary for so long. "I'm sorry you had to find out like this, too," I add to my apology. "I guess it's a good thing Vegeta told you, after all."

A shadow crosses over her face for a moment as she glances toward Gohan uncertainly. Then she sighs heavily. "It wasn't Vegeta that told me," she replies. "It was Videl. She and I had a little talk tonight about... everything."

Oh gods... I fight off a wave of vertigo that threatens to send me to my knees, just from hearing her name and the immediate hardening of Gohan's features. And as much as I want, _need_, to know what she said, I'm scared as hell to find out.

I'm scared that my leaving this planet, and her, is what she would want me to do now.

And a lot more scared of the possibility that it's not.

I swallow hard. Swallow back the questions, the tightness in my throat, the tears building at the corners of my eyes, the momentary doubt in the basic rules of right and wrong I've held onto for dear life these last few months. I can't change my mind now. As soon as I'm gone and this bond is broken, Videl can move on.

The only way I can love her now is by letting her go back to Gohan and become one with him.

"Actually," I begin carefully, "that's why I'm here, Bulma. With everything that's been happening, I..." I struggle against another spasm in my gut, "I've decided the best thing for me to do is leave for a while."

The bright blue eyes blink several times. "You're leaving? But... where are you going?"

"As far out as this thing will take me," I reply, tapping my knuckles lightly on the steel wall. "And as soon as I can get it stocked and ready."

"Does Chichi know yet?" she asks, catching me off guard.

I was expecting her to freak out on me, not ask me whether I'd informed my wife. "Not yet," I admit.

She doesn't seem surprised. "Well, you probably shouldn't say anything until the day before you take off," she mumbles. She leans forward and smiles sadly when she notices the perplexed expression on my face. "I've said it once already tonight, Son-kun. I don't know what you should do," she whispers softly enough so that neither Vegeta or Gohan can hear. "You know I'll help you any way I can, even if it means helping you leave this planet, but I don't think you should do anything unless you're absolutely sure it's the right thing. For _both_ of you."

All I can do after that is gape as she begins going through the systems and making a list of supplies I'll need. Within minutes, she assures me that I can be off the ground in three days if I'm sure this is what I want to do.

I have to remind myself it has nothing to do with want. I _have_ to leave. And soon.


	10. Chapter 10

_Special thanks to the one who makes every chapter the best it can be, BluEydMnstr. I couldn't do it without you!_

**Chapter Nine:**

**Little More Than A Shadow**

He's leaving.

It's been two days since I heard those words-I saw him admit his intentions with my own eyes!-but...I can't believe it. It's not that I don't want to, although it'd be true. I wish it were as simple as denial. I could deal with that, I think. But this...

I really _cannot_ believe he's leaving me.

Everything I've done since then has been like existing inside an impenetrable fog. And it's not just this one thing which seems so unreal. It's..._everything._ Every thing around me, every person I encounter, every aspect of my life now...it's all part of some kind of dream I can't wake up from.

No, not a dream. A lie, that's what it is. Just one big, fucking lie.

There's only one thing keeping me even remotely sane: Pan. It's frightening, how insightful my ten-year-old daughter is; she must get it from her grandpa, because it definitely doesn't come from her father or me. She's the one who's kept me from giving in completely to this hopelessness. She needs me, and I refuse to sink so deep into self-pity that I'm incapable of taking care of her.

She doesn't know her grandfather's going anywhere. Then again, I'm not supposed to know either, and as cowardly as it is, I haven't led anyone to believe any different. It's scary how well I've learned to go through the motions of my duties as the good little housewife. Gohan has no idea of what I've been thinking or feeling, or if he does, he's not willing to acknowledge it.

But Pan...oh yeah, Pan knows something's wrong. She may not know the specifics, but she knows things aren't the way they used to be, or the way they should be.

This is the second night she's come downstairs after Gohan's already gone to bed while I busy myself with whatever I can find to stay occupied, and curled up in my lap on the couch. I know he wouldn't be happy about it since it's always well after her bedtime when she does it, but I don't have the heart to send her away. Especially not now, when so much has changed so fast.

So here we are, lying on the sofa together. I know she wants to say something-I can almost see the gears turning in her head-and even though I have no clue how I'll respond when she does start talking, I want to know what she'll say...what she's thinking. Then again, maybe I don't. With everything that's happened over the past months, it's not my husband or my mother-in-law I've wronged the most. It's Pan.

How will I explain what's happening to our family? I don't even have a grip on it myself.

"Mama? Can I ask you something?"

Oh gods, I don't know if I can do this... "Of course, baby. What is it?" I can't believe I sounded so calm...so normal, but I guess I should count my blessings.

She shifts in the crook of my arm so her face isn't buried in the fabric of my robe, although she seems content to keep her head against my shoulder rather than looking at me, for which I'm eternally thankful. God knows my face would probably give away what my voice didn't.

And there it is again-that pause, telling me she's unsure of how to continue. But, as is always the case with Pan, she seems to come to some sort of decision on how to proceed, and she tenses slightly.

"Are you mad at me?"

What? Am I...mad...at... It feels like a thousand little needles are attacking my lungs as I take a sharp breath. "No!" I answer forcefully-moreso than I'd intended, because she jumps slightly. "No," I repeat, more gently this time. "Why would you think that?"

"It's just..." She sounds so small right now, so unlike the confident young woman she's becoming. "You...you and Papa both...you stopped talking, and you don't smile anymore. You always used to smile all the time. Did...did I do something wrong, Mama?"

I can't breathe...

"No, baby," I manage to croak out, and my arms tighten instinctively around her as I clench my jaw and fight back a sudden flood of tears gathering in my eyes and throat. "You_..._oh Pan-chan, you haven't done anything wrong," I assure her vehemently.

"Really?"

"Really," I reply into her hair. "You've done nothing but make me proud, baby. You mean more to me than anything in this world, and" -how do I say this?- "no matter what happens, I want you to remember how much I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Promise me won't ever forget it, okay?"

She nods against my shoulder. "There's something really wrong though, isn't there...something big. Something you're scared to tell me about."

It's a statement, not a question, and I wince at her flat, matter-of-fact tone. Is it really _that_ obvious, that I'm so close to falling apart? Damn it, she should never have to be in a position like this! What's wrong with me? How could I fail her like this...especially now!

"It...it's complicated," I begin, forcing my own voice to remain calm.

She sits up and finally looks me in the eye, her own gaze steady and showing determination well beyond her ten years. "You can tell me, Mama! I'm not a kid anymore! I promise, whatever it is...I can handle it! I want to help you, Mama, just like you and Papa and Grandpa are always doing for me!"

Despite the panic welling in my chest and the tears forming in my eyes, I can't help but smile. She really has no idea how proud she makes me...how much I admire her spirit and fearlessness. I don't ever want anything to hinder those qualities.

"I'll tell you what you can do for me," I whisper, cupping her cheek. "Just keeping being yourself, Pan. That's all I want."

"Your mom's right, you know."

We both jump, and Pan spins around. "Papa!"

I don't know how long he's been standing there or what he heard, and I curse myself silently for not paying attention. Then he walks toward us, throwing me an unreadable glance before turning a gentler look on Pan. "Sorry, Pan-chan, I didn't mean to startle you." Once he reaches the couch, he crouches down in front of her. "Don't worry yourself anymore. I know things have been strange lately, between moving and everything, but it's alright now. Pretty soon, everything's gonna be back to the way it was."

I clench my jaw shut and close my eyes. If he really believes that, he's living in a dreamworld, and the idea of him trying to drag Pan into it really, _really_ pisses me off.

Then again, there's little I can do right now, except sit here as he gives her a hug and sends her back to bed. She stops halfway, turns, and runs back, wrapping her arms around my neck and leaning so her mouth is next to my ear.

"I know it's not true," she whispers, making my breath catch in my throat, but before I can recover from the shock at such an incredible display of intuitiveness, she pulls away. "I love you, Mama, and I promise to do what you said."

Absolutely amazing...she's so much stronger than I could ever be.

"Goodnight, baby," I call after her as she traipses around the corner and goes into her room down the hall.

As soon as I hear her door close, Gohan sighs and sits down on the other end of the couch. He turns to me, rubbing the bridge of his nose, which means he just took off his glasses before coming down here...and that means he's been awake this whole time when I assumed he was asleep.

"We should go to bed too."

There he goes, trying to act as though nothing's wrong. Rather than calling him on it, I get up instead. "I need to fold the laundry," I reply. Quite frankly, I'm exhausted, but I haven't been sleeping well, and I really don't have the energy to get into all that with him right now. Luckily, I happen to know there's a load of clothes in the dryer, so taking care of that's as good an excuse as any.

Apparently he doesn't get it, because he follows me through the closet-size kitchen and props himself against the wall next to the little area where the washer and dryer sit.

"You should've told me," he states softly.

I keep my back to him and continue piling the clothes into the laundry basket. "Told you what, exactly?"

"About Pan," he explains. "We should be working together to help her through this..."

Oh, really? Working together, huh? Just like when _we_ decided to move out of the house she spent her whole life in, or when _we_ chose to keep Goku's departure a secret so she won't even get the chance to say goodbye?

On second thought, I think I'm in the mood to have a little chat after all.

"And how do we do that, Gohan?" I turn around and lean against the washer, folding my arms tightly over my chest. "I think we better figure that out first."

He stiffens and frowns. "I don't understand what you-"

"Do you want me to pretend everything's okay so she won't suspect something's wrong? Or am I supposed to keep my mouth shut _again,_ and let you do whatever you want, even if it'll hurt her even more in the end? Is that what you want from me, to go along with the bullshit you just fed her?"

"I meant what I said," he replies vehemently, taking a step forward and resting his hand on my arm. "Everything's going to be okay, Videl. We've started over, haven't we?"

"You've got to be kidding," I whisper more to myself than to him, though he jerks slightly in response. "You call this starting over? Just because we don't live next door to him anymore? Not that it'll matter after tomorrow...will it?"

Oh yeah, that got his attention. I see a series of emotions pass over his features, one more prominent than the rest: suspicious anger.

"Yes, I know Goku's planning to go into space," I continue, "and no, I didn't find out from him."

He relaxes, but only a little. "If that's the case, then you should understand why Pan will need us even more now."

"I know she'll need somebody," I seethe, "but it won't be us. Not after lying to her like this."

It looks like I struck a nerve. "For the last time, I haven't lied to her like y-" His eyes widen slightly, and he takes a deep breath. "I...what I mean is..."

Liar. "Oh, I know what you meant, and you're right. I'm just as guilty as you are. The only difference is I'm willing to admit it, while you're still trying to make yourself believe you can ignore what happened and it'll just go away."

"That's just it. I'm not ignoring anything; I'm trying! I'm trying to help us get back to where we were before...before all this." His hand moves from my shoulder to my cheek, and his eyes meet mine in a silent plea. "Isn't that what you want?"

"You really don't understand, do you?" He jerks back, his face showing his confusion. "Even now...after everything that's happened..."

He honestly doesn't realize, does he? How could I ever want things to be the way they were before? Is that why I've felt like he's ignoring what's happened? Because this is the way he _wants_ it to be?

When I really think about it, things aren't much different now from how they were before. We're back to living two separate lives under the same roof, with as little contact as possible in our new, closer quarters. The only change is, rather than crying myself to sleep, wishing Gohan would pay attention to me, I catch myself daydreaming about what would happen if I tossed all reason aside and went to Goku.

But that's all it is: a dream.

I've always liked to tell myself I had guts, but not this time. It's not just Gohan either-he's the least of my concerns. No, if I told Goku I wanted to leave Gohan to be with him, how would it make him feel? He loves his son...he could never hurt him more than we already have. I could never put him in such a position...not when I've already seen how much he's suffering now.

And what about Chichi? I know she doesn't qualify for wife of the year, but I'm sure she loves Goku in her own way. How would she handle it if she knew her husband had an affair with her own daughter-in-law? I know we've all joked about her never getting sick because she's too stubborn to let anything stop her from cooking, cleaning, and chasing people with her pan, but if anything could give her a heart attack, that'd probably be it.

Then there's Pan. She loves them both so much...if I were to leave one for the other, it wouldn't just confuse her, it'd tear her apart. And...she would probably end up hating me, maybe even more than I already despise myself.

Out of all the possibilities, that's the most frightening prospect of all.

The only thing being accomplished with this conversation is confusion for Gohan and utter hopelessness for me. Nothing's ever going to change between us; I might as well accept it.

"Forget it," I say, pushing the laundry basket into the corner before walking past him. "I'm going to bed."

I don't have to look to know he's only a few steps behind me as I enter our bedroom. Without even bothering to undress, I get into bed and turn off the lamp next to my side of the bed, the only light left in the room coming from the matching one on his side. With my face toward the wall, I hear the door close with a soft 'click', and I feel the bed sink slightly under his weight a moment later. Even with my eyes closed, I can tell the difference once he turns off the last of the light.

Then I feel him shuffle closer, and I stiffen as an arm wraps around my waist, pulling my back against him.

"Videl...I'm sorry. I guess...I haven't been handling this very well, have I?" He presses himself against me in a sort of backwards hug, and I feel his breath on the back of my neck. "But I meant what I said. I love you, and I want us to be happy again. That's all that matters to me right now, but I can't do that unless you tell me what you want me to do. Please...whatever it is, I'll do it. All you have to do is tell me."

You know, it wasn't too long ago when hearing this would've made me happier than I'd been in years, but now...

It's not that I doubt his sincerity; I don't. There's no doubt in my mind, at this moment at least, he wholeheartedly wants to try to make our marriage work. The question is, how long will it last this time? A day? A week? How long will it take him to get comfortable with us again, to get lulled back into apathy? The longer this goes on, the more I believe he can't really help it. It's the way he is. Even when he was running around as Saiyaman, he was a protector, not a fighter. He's never been a warrior at heart, not for as long as I've known him. The only time he's ever serious in battle is when his back's against the wall, leaving him absolutely no other choice but to fight with his all or lose everything. And even then, he does it reluctantly.

Even though he doesn't realize it, that's exactly what he's doing now...what he's always done.

He doesn't understand there are different kinds of battles: career, marriage, parenthood...and all of them require nothing less than one hundred percent all the time to avoid failure. Of course, when it comes to working and raising children, it's possible, though not preferable, to be successful on your own.

I guess that's why they say love is the ultimate battlefield. Without both people giving it all they've got, sure, you may survive, but it's impossible to actually win, and eventually, you wonder what you're fighting for in the first place.

It's a pipe dream, to expect him to act any other way. It's as I feared: it's not something he does, but part of who he is.

Then there's me. I can't ignore the fact that, though he'll always be the same, I've changed more than he could possibly fathom. The woman he married, the girl who believed she could face any challenge and overcome it, the one who was so sure of what she wanted...she's gone now. All that's left is a shell of my former self, little more than the shadow I make on the wall.

Is there any chance for us at all? Is there any way for him to keep his promise to Pan, and to me? He said all I have to do is tell him what I want, but how do I do that? The things I need now-confidence...trust...hope-are the few things he's unable to give me. But there is one thing he _can_ do...

"Let Pan stay home from school tomorrow. You have to tell her...so she can say goodbye to her grandfather."

He tenses, but only for a moment. Then he nods against my shoulder. "If that's what you want, I'll talk to Pan first thing in the morning."

Yes, that's what I want. At this point, it's all I think I can do.

.

* * *

Everything's ready.

Thanks to Bulma's management skills along with Chi's need to stay busy when she's this pissed off, I'm all set to go.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

On the one hand, I'm sure this is what's best for all of us. I mean, I'm in love with my son's wife, and I've come to terms with the fact that, as long as I'm here, I won't be able to stay away from her. I know it's selfish and stupid and just plain _wrong_-in more ways than one!-but that's how it is. I can't change it, and God knows I've tried. So to ensure I don't do more damage to my family than I already have, I'm taking myself out of the picture. Who knows? Maybe with enough time and a decade or two of training every waking hour until I'm half dead, I'll be able to forget how empty I am without her in my life...

You'd think for all the times I've repeated those words in my head, they wouldn't still reek of total bullshit.

I don't know if it's because I'm about to leave her or if it's because of my talk with Vegeta, but over the past two days, I've become acutely aware of the bond with Videl. It's weird, because I didn't really notice it before. Well, that's not exactly true...I knew it was there in the back of my mind, but I was able to ignore it a lot easier than I can now.

Before, her emotions lingered around the edges of my consciousness like whispers and shadows, so it was easy to overlook them, or even mistake the stronger ones like extreme longing or despair as a portion of my own. Unfortunately, that's no longer the way it is.

Now, every single one of her thoughts...every feeling, good or bad, tears through me like a knife. Her presence is always with me, calling out to my soul like a homing beacon, so I can't fool myself anymore into believing she'll be able to find happiness again anytime soon. What's worse, I've sensed her growing doubt in the fact she'll be able to work things out between her and Gohan at all. She's in agony over what she should do and what she wishes she had the courage to do; every time she thinks about what this could mean to Pan, it's like her heart shatters all over again.

If it weren't for one image I see every time I close my eyes-my son's face when he found out about me and Videl-I'd have called this whole damned thing off.

As it stands now, this is the only way I can make up for everything I've done to them. If I stay, there's no chance for anything to go back to normal. I've accepted that now, even though it hurts like hell to admit it. It kills me to know I'm leaving Videl to deal with everything alone, especially since I know now just how much she wants me to stay.

That's why I never wanted her to know in the first place. If it weren't for the bond between us, I'd still be assuming she was in the dark about my plan to leave the planet.

There's nothing I can do about that now. She was going to find out one way or another anyway, though I'd have rather told her myself than have her overhear our conversation over a security camera. Then again, this may work out okay, even if it is cowardly. I'm not sure if I could've handled seeing her cry. I was able to sense her sorrow acutely at the time, but it's still different than watching the tears fall right in front of you...especially when you know you're the one who caused them.

And I'm moping again. Damn it, no wonder my friends are starting to get suspicious!

It's a lot tougher than I thought, doing the 'right thing'. Sure, I've had to make some difficult choices in my life, but this definitely takes the cake. I wonder if it's so hard this time because I don't have my usual confidence in the final result.

I mean, I've always lived by the ideas that things work themselves out in the end, whatever's gonna happen will happen...stuff like that. I've gone into battle lots of times, knowing the entire world's fate rested with only a small group of us-most of them expecting me to be the one who'd save the day-and not blink an eye. But how many times did Chi go on and on about how I cared more about the planet and the welfare of strangers than my own family? I never knew how right she was until this happened.

Now look at me. Just the thought of ever facing off with Gohan again has drained every ounce of hope and resolve I had and sent me running like a dog with its tail between its legs. Yeah, some hero I turned out to be. Not only did I not take care of my family, I nearly destroyed it, and everyday I'm here is one more day they suffer.

That's how I know it's time for me to leave again.

I wish there was a way I could make Videl understand; the war raging in her heart is almost crippling...to her _and_ me. She doesn't want me to go, I know that. It's not just because she'll miss me either. She hates how disappointed Pan will inevitably be, and she's afraid of the questions she'll be asked. Even though she's not overly fond of my wife, she's worried about how my newest absence will affect Chi, considering she's not as young as she used to be. Videl's also adamant that Gohan will miss me, even under these circumstances. I don't know if it's true or not, but I can't help hoping she's right. If that happens, then maybe, someday, there's a chance he'll forgive me for what's happened.

I hope so, anyway, but maybe that's just the undying optimist in me talking. Hell if I know.

Still, my mind's a lot clearer now than it's been in a long time. Whether it's because I've been camping out in the ship here at Capsule Corporation for the past couple days, away from Chichi's temper tantrums and pot-swinging, or if it's because the time to launch is so close at hand, I really can't say for sure. Maybe neither, maybe a little of both.

Either way, I've had a lot of time to think things over, going over the past months in my head over and over again, trying to get some kind of grip on this whole situation and my own feelings. It's weird too, because I keep coming back to the same thing which I've decided pretty much sums it all up. When it comes down to it, my mind always gets stuck on the night of the Capsule Corps. party, when Videl came to talk to me in this very spaceship...when she told me, despite the guilt and fear she felt, she didn't regret making love to me.

Good or bad, that's how it is for me, even now. I have lots of regrets, don't get me wrong, but I can't help being grateful at the same time. If it weren't for Videl, I'd have never learned what being in love with someone really meant; I'd still be putting on the face of the idiot and hiding my true feelings; most of all, I'd never have realized just because I'd managed to keep myself from getting killed all this time, it didn't actually mean I was alive. And in the end, she gave me greatest gift of all, the one thing I've wanted more than anything since finding out I was born a Saiyajin warrior.

For those few months she and I were together, I actually felt like a normal man...a common, _human_ man.

No matter how painful it is to lose her now or how much I hate what I've done to Gohan, if I'm really honest with myself, I know without a doubt I wouldn't change anything.

That admission comes with its own set of problems, but I'm trying not to think about those. Actually, I've been wishing I could go back to the days when I didn't think much at all about anything except what was right in front of me. It was a lot easier when I could shrug everything off like when I was a kid.

It's not working too well though. I guess sometimes you really can't go back, but it's only fair. I mean, it's not like Videl even has a choice in her situation. She can't run away. She can't even take some time to herself to think things through. Between trying to keep things running smoothly for Pan's sake and working with Gohan to salvage their marriage, she has to face things head-on. She's doing it too, even though it's killing her inside.

Of course, that's just how she is; it's one of the things I love most about her.

As for Gohan, his spirit is as distant from me now as Videl's is close. I want to talk to him before I leave, although I have no clue what I'd say if I had the chance. Not that it matters. Every time I attempt to contact him mentally, it's like a brick wall goes up in his mind. I'm not even sure if he knows he's doing it either. It may be more of a subconscious thing than a deliberate act, because for the few seconds I do have before he shields his thoughts, I sense turmoil in his heart. It's like a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions, ranging between anger and sadness to betrayal and loneliness.

I know it's because of our relationship; we've always been more than just father and son. We're bound by a life very few people could relate to_._ Laughing, crying, training, fighting, protecting...it's always been the two of us, taking care of one another, watching each other's backs.

I love my whole family, don't get me wrong, but Chi and Goten weren't there as we fought Radditz or Vegeta and Nappa a year later. They didn't experience the devastating battles on Namek with Frieza and his cronies. They weren't there when Mirai Trunks showed up to warn us about the androids, and they were safe and sound at Kami-sennin's place when the actual attack was launched. They didn't have to feel helpless as Cell, even in his imperfect form, took countless innocent lives, and they were lucky enough not to be around to witness his perfect power.

All of those events tie Gohan and me together. Even though a large part of him wishes I would never show my face again, there's another, deeper place which doesn't want to lose me, no matter what I've done. That portion of his soul mourns the memory of years I've spent dead, unable (and in one case, unwilling, I admit) to return.

I never realized how deeply hurt he'd been by my absences until all this happened. Because of it, he feels guilty for feeling relieved I've chosen to leave, which is just piling more self-loathing and misery on top of what's already there.

That's the one thing I'd give anything to tell him, that he shouldn't hate himself because of what I've done. He needs to focus his efforts on his marriage rather than feeling sorry for himself for things he had little control over and can't change. Other than that, I'd probably just sound like a stuttering idiot...not like he'd expect much more, I suppose. I wouldn't care though, so long as I could talk to him. He could do whatever he wanted: scream, curse, beat the hell out of me...whatever.

It wouldn't matter, just as long as I could be near my son one more time before I go. It would all be worth it, since I have no idea when or if I'll ever get the chance again.

The sound of footsteps on the aluminum stairs of the capsule jogs me out of my depressed reverie, and I curse under my breath. I was so caught up in the stuff swirling around in my head, I didn't notice Vegeta heading this way. It's too late to act like I was asleep; he'll already know better by my ki, so I push myself off the bed and get to my feet as the door opens.

Still, I'm not really in the mood for another of his 'If you were a real Saiyajin' speeches.

He must realize it too by the look on my face, if the smirk on his is any indication. Might as well be polite, I guess, since I won't be seeing him again for a while. "Hey, Vegeta. It's kinda late. What's up?"

He stays silent for a moment, as if he's sizing me up. Then, "Your woman just called."

My jaw goes slack for the few seconds it takes before the announcement sinks in. I don't have to ask which woman he's referring to anymore, which makes it even more unexpected. "She...she did?" I manage to stammer out, though it's damned hard with my throat so tight all the sudden. "Why?"

"Do I look like a fucking answering service?" he sneers before crossing his arms with a huff. "Apparently Gohan will be bringing Pan over tomorrow to say goodbye. She wanted you to know."

Oh...so that's all she wanted to tell me. I'm such an idiot, 'cause for a second there I thought maybe-

I give myself a mental slap and run my hands roughly over my face. The last thing I need to do now is start second guessing what I'm doing or wish for things which just can't be. I should be relieved it wasn't something else, not disappointed.

I notice Vegeta's raising an eyebrow at me, so I resort to my typical routine, laughing and rubbing the back of my head. "Right! Wow, I'm glad I know ahead of time. If Pan'd just showed up, I probably would've freaked out and screwed everything up!"

"I have no doubt you would have managed to do so whether you knew or not," he remarks, "but that is not what I came to tell you."

There's something else? I mean, it's after midnight, and even though I've seen Vegeta train for a couple days straight without sleep, it's still unusual for him to seek me out so late. "Is it about Pan?" A wave of panic suddenly smashes my gut. "Did someone tell her about what happened?" I question in disbelief. Surely they didn't, but...

"It's about breaking your bond with the woman," he interrupts impatiently.

I'm sure I look confused as hell, but that's only because we've already been through this. Vegeta is totally against the idea, yeah, but I guess he figured if he didn't tell me what I had to do, I'd try to do it myself anyway. Sure, I'm not as stupid as I've always let on, but I'm no expert on Saiyajins either. The likelihood I could've gotten rid of it on my own is almost zero, and then there's all the risks of mental damage to one or both of us, had Vegeta not filled me in on the finer points, albeit grudgingly.

So why is he bringing this up now? He made it a point to tell me he'd only go through it with me once. Is he worried I'll forget something and mess things up?

He stops me with a glare before I get a chance to ask; he must've seen it coming.

"Just shut up and listen," he commands, and I snap my mouth shut and nod for him to continue. "I refuse to waste my breath on telling a third-class fool like you what your duty as a member of the Saiyajin race is, and I have no intention of repeating the steps of a ritual you have no right to perform in the first place. As the prince, however, I am obligated," he continues, enunciating each word carefully, "to give you one final warning."

A warning? "But you already-"

This time, it's not so much that I stop talking as my voice has somehow been trapped beneath the weight of his gaze. There's no anger or indignation at all, which on its own is strange, but it's almost like...like he's using both his eyes and his mouth to get this message across. Whatever he's about to say, it's gotta be something major. The last time-hell, the _only_ time I've ever seen him look at me like this was when he was telling me to blast Majin Buu with my Spirit Bomb, even though he was trapped and would die too if I attacked.

"I failed to mention this before, only because it is unlikely to occur. Still, your mate is a warrior, and because of this, there is one last danger you need to be aware of. It is only under this scenario I would be forced to intervene, so you better pay attention, Kakarotto."

He's definitely got my attention.

Vegeta seems satisfied of it as well, because he finally looks away, releasing me from his numbing stare. "It is my experience humans lack the ability to sense a mating bond, with the exception of times of great crisis or, as my own woman proved when I was killed by Buu, if their mate dies. Even then, the effect of the loss appears to be minimal."

Is it just me, or do I hear the slightest dejected edge to his voice? I wonder if it bothers him, knowing Bulma can't feel it like he can. Then again, I've never asked him what it was like to die and feel her presence ripped from his soul, either. Right now, I get the feeling he wouldn't tell me anyway, and I guess it's beside the point. It's different for me and Videl; we can't be together, and we're both painfully aware of that. I can't imagine anything hurting us more than knowing that.

"Because she understands how to manipulate ki and has trained her mind and body as a warrior, there is a possibility your woman could become aware of what is happening when you begin disengaging your spirit from hers," he growls. "If she does realize it, and if she finds a way to focus her energy on your soul, she would, at that moment, have the power to either help you break the bond, or prevent you from doing so."

"Wait a minute," I choke out after it sinks in. "You mean to tell me she has the ability to keep me from getting rid of the mating bond? But...how?"

This time he looks annoyed. "I have already told you this ritual was rarely used on Vegetasei, but it was always performed with the full consent and effort of both mates involved. In this case, you will be taking advantage of the fact her mind is not designed to carry a bond to begin with, and therefore has little to no control over it."

I'm beginning to see what he's getting at, and I feel my stomach lurch. "So, if she does gain control, even for a minute or two-"

"She is still human, and I doubt she could withstand the shock of the separation if she tries to fight it. Although she in not sensitive to your bond, it has still become and integral part of her being, just as it is yours," he finishes, his voice somber. "If she is willing to let it go, she will likely be unharmed."

"But..." Do I even dare ask? Too late, of course. Now I have to know for sure, for better or worse. "If she tries to stop it..."

"She will die," he supplies with such finality my blood runs cold.

I knew there was a chance of something happening to me, but that never bothered me much; I've never been scared of death. I mean, I can pretty much go back and forth as I please these days anyway since I keep my body. It's almost a non-issue, and I can train to my heart's content in Otherworld.

But if there's a chance I could hurt Videl in the process...

It's bugs me I never considered this possibility, but what really, _really_ pisses me off is how, after all that crap Vegeta told me about the bond and how to get rid of it, he didn't say one damned word about this until now.

"Why?" I seethe, despite my best attempt to act normal. "Why didn't you tell me the first time I asked you about this? Why _now_, Vegeta?"

His eyes narrow for a moment, as if debating whether or not to take issue with my attitude. Then he snorts-a sign he's shrugging it off for the time being-and turns to leave. "What I disclose and when is left to my discretion, and any motives I may harbor are mine alone. When I agreed to assist you with this ridiculous plan, I did so only to prevent you from taking an even more foolhardy and drastic measure."

He glowers at me from over his shoulder, then jerks his head back toward the door. "I understand far better than you the uselessness of what you are trying to do," he intones slowly-I'd almost say sympathetically if I didn't know better. "Before I went into space to train for the androids, the woman said something which I found utterly meaningless at the time. Perhaps it will make more sense to a brain-damaged idiot like you."

Something Bulma said? Despite my annoyance, I've got to admit, I'm curious to hear this one. By the way he's struggling, it's gotta be a doozy.

"No matter how much you may want to," he quotes stiffly, "no matter to what lengths you will go, it is impossible to accomplish your goals until you are honest with yourself. It is only then, once you have accepted yourself and your situation, when you are willing to face your fears and doubts for what they are instead of what you wish they were not, that you will succeed."

Man, you could hear a pin drop right now. I'm surprised something so...mature came out of Bulma's mouth, but it's nothing compared to hearing notoriously proud Prince of all Saiyajins repeat it.

There are several more seconds of tense silence before he finally breaks it with a grunt. "As I said, it was worthless, overly emotional babble to me, but perhaps you can make some use of it." And without so much as another word or a wave, he's gone, the clank of the door echoing through the circular chamber.

I slowly make my way back to bed, falling heaving onto it and covering my eyes with my forearm to block out the lights I didn't bother to turn off. Now the initial shock is out of the way, and I begin running over his words over and over again. Of course, just the thought of me doing something to hurt Videl, _again_, something that could actually kill her... But Vegeta himself said the chances of it coming to that were really small, right? Right. I can't let myself fall into his trap; I'll bet he's trying to intimidate me using her welfare as the bait. Yeah, that's gotta be it.

But why in the world would he risk humiliating himself on my account? I mean, I've known for a long time-probably longer than even him-he doesn't ignore Bulma as much as he lets on, but to repeat such a thing...that his pride even allowed it is staggering, no matter how indifferent he tried to act.

Then there's what he meant by it. I'm not the best at picking through riddles, but I get the distinct impression it's his way of asking me what I think is really the biggest obstacle to making this plan work: her if she senses what I'm trying to do and fights back, or my own secret, selfish desire not to lose the only piece of her I have left.

Either way, Vegeta's definitely given me something to think about over the next few hours before I take off.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:**

**Farewell, For Now **

.

It never ceases to amaze me how a person's perspective can change when time is running out. Since the last time I saw Goku, I've been battling these feelings of loss and hopelessness, and I'd forgotten almost everything else. It's affected my mood, my ability to think clearly...even my relationship with Pan. I've let myself grow weak. It became painfully clear this morning right after breakfast. To his credit, Gohan kept his word. He told Pan her grandfather was leaving, perhaps permanently.

I'm totally disgusted with myself. All I could do was sit there like a zombie while my insides burned with anger and shame. He was so..._calm,_ like he was just helping her with math or something, until she flew off the handle. Of course, I knew it would happen. I would've done the same, but he acted shocked by her outburst. He recovered quickly enough that she didn't really notice his lack of empathy, but I sure saw it.

And still, I just sat there. She screamed, she cried, she threw her book bag through the kitchen window, and I watched it all from the safety of the living room. The worst part is I thought my lack of involvement was best. I mean it's my actions which have led to her losing Goku, and it's because of my cowardice she didn't find out sooner. What right did I have to comfort her?

Then she ran toward me, sobbing and shaking from head to toe, and threw herself against me. I thought she was going to break my ribs she was squeezing so hard, but I couldn't have cared less. The only thing which registered was the words she choked out against the thick terrycloth of my robe over and over again like a mantra.

"I don't want him to go! We have to make him stay, Mama. We have to make him stay..."

It was at that moment, at that very _second_, when I realized where I've been going wrong all this time. After falling in love with Goku and having an affair, I truly believed I could do nothing worse. In my own mind, everything was ruined because of it. Had I not slept with Goku, my family would be intact and my relationship secure. Because of the guilt I piled on top of guilt on top of even more guilt, I failed to see the obvious.

When I really stop and think it all over, I don't feel much worse after having an affair than I did before I was unfaithful. Before Goku it was loneliness and insecurity, now it's guilt. Different emotions, but all of them are complex and paralyzing. The only thing tipping the scale is who I had the affair with. If I'd met up with a total stranger, I'm almost sure things would've turned out completely different, and I don't mean Goku wouldn't be preparing to launch into space.

Had it been anyone else, the thought of staying with Gohan and forcing our marriage back together would seem...well...pretty pointless. I can't really put a number on the amount of time I've known the whole thing was coming to an end. When I look at it objectively, it seems so obvious I want to smack myself.

At first, it was easy to keep it together. I'd loved Gohan; he'd been one of my best friends in the world, and we'd been through so much together. It made sense to marry him. My father was hellbent on an insanely powerful son-in-law, and who fit the mold better than Gohan? Then there was Chichi, who though we were a match made in heaven since I knew he was an alien but didn't care _and_ I was from a rich family. So we got married just like everyone thought we should.

Before we really had much time to ourselves as husband and wife, we had Pan. We were totally focused on her; it was easy to ignore the lack of passion, because we were both so busy. He worked hard to provide for us, while I stayed home with the baby. It seemed so perfect back then, so easy to ignore the fact we not only didn't spend much time together, but neither of us felt a great loss because of it.

Then Pan started growing up, and she didn't need me all the time anymore. My days went from fun-filled hours of fun and firsts to PTA meetings once a month and chaperoning field trips. We still had our evenings together, but more often than not, it was just the two of us. As more time passed and Pan became more independent, I found myself alone most of the time. That's when I started looking to Gohan to fill the gap Pan had left, and it was then our differences became apparent. I wasn't right for doing that, and it wasn't Gohan's fault we have so little in common. He is who he is; I wouldn't want to change him even now. He loves Pan with his whole heart, and I know he'd do anything to take care of and protect his family. The fact remains he doesn't need me to be happy. In truth, he doesn't seem to need me at all. Not that I have the right to criticize. The only reason why I came to depend on him, to long for his company so desperately, was because of my own selfishness. I expected him to want to be with me rather than work overtime, I wanted him to tell me how much he'd miss me while he was gone, I wished for him to ask for my company once in a while.

In the end, it was nothing but a fantasy I'd concocted inside my own head of how a marriage was supposed to work. I simply didn't want to believe the picture I'd painted in my own mind could never match up with the man I married. What's worse is the more I pushed, the more unfair it was to him by asking for things which just aren't in his nature.

I wonder now why I stayed for so long. I'm sure part of it was because I didn't see so many of these things before, and another part is because we both know what it's like to be without one of our parents. We would never want to put Pan through that. Then again, I'm beginning to realize there may be things even worse for Pan than her parents splitting up.

Will she really be better off if Gohan and I stay together when there's little or no love between us anymore? Will she grow up believing, as Gohan does now, it's normal to be married and treat your spouse like a stranger? Can she possibly learn the joys and sorrows, the risks and rewards, or anything else falling in love has to offer from her father and me? Or Goku and Chichi for that matter?

I don't see how. I didn't understand myself until Goku became such an important part of my life. I had no concept of the scope or depth of true, uninhibited love for a person. I never realized it was possible to feel so many different emotions related to it-affection, insecurity, passion, despair, anxiety, obsession, dependency... I always believed the majority of those things were weaknesses, even hindrances to a normal relationship. I never imagined there was so much beauty in such things when they're all focused on and reciprocated by one single, very special person.

Now that I see these things, I realize the futility of the promise I made to Goku. No matter whose fault it is or who should shoulder the blame for what's happened, the fact is I can't keep my word to him. In a way I am, I guess, because I told him I'd do my best, and that's what I plan to do. Goku wants what's best for our families. The only way I can do my part to make that happen is by being honest, not just to Gohan and Goku, but to myself too. I can't let my guilt over the past and fear of what could happen in the future hold me back any longer.

The first step is accepting both the irrevocable and the inevitable. I've done that. I just wish the next part was so easy.

It's a little past ten now, so I don't have much time before Goku leaves. Damn it, now that I'm thinking about that again, I'm going to have to fly with blurry vision. I don't want him to leave this planet, or his family, or friends... Who am I kidding? I don't want him to leave me. There's no use trying to make it out to be anything else. I'm about to face him one more time and consequently turn my family upside down in the process. The least I can do is start being honest, especially with myself. Self-deception's what got me in this mess in the first place.

Now that I'm back in my t-shirt and shorts, I feel more like myself than I have in years. It's like the part of myself, the confident warrior, is finally emerging from the prison I locked her in when Gohan and I got married. Yeah, as I leave my house to meet Goku, my eyes are puffy and my heart aches like I never thought it could, but there's a measure of relief too. In the deepest place in my soul, I know this is the right thing to do, even if conventional morality says otherwise.

"So, you finally decided."

I jump and turn to the sneering voice from behind the tree next to my driveway, taking a defensive stance out of habit even though there's no mistaking Vegeta's tone. No one else on this Earth has one like it.

He snorts and pushes off, unfolding his arms from his chest. "Took you long enough."

His words are as harsh as ever, but again I see the slightest hint of approval in those stony eyes, and perhaps a challenge too. I guess he's wondering what I plan to do now that I've ventured from the safety of my home.

I'm still not quite sure what to make of him being here though. "I...I want to see him."

Vegeta's eyebrow quirks. Yeah, I guess that was obvious to the point of sounding stupid, wasn't it?

"I don't want him to break this...thing, this bond, we have now. That's what he's planning to do, right?"

Now Vegeta looks interested. Well, as interested as the stoic Saiyajin prince can, I suppose. He nods once, but it doesn't look like he's planning to say anything. What the hell do I tell him now? I mean, is there nothing I can do except beg Goku not to take the only part of him I still have? I know I don't understand the real significance of this bond Saiyajins can form with their mates, but I do know there's a place inside me, in my head and in my heart, which shelters a little piece of his soul. I may not be able to sense it like he can, but I believe I'd feel it if it's taken away from me.

Vegeta suddenly turns on his heel and puts his back to me. "If you want to maintain your bond with Kakarotto, I suggest you keep up and listen well, woman. I have no desire to waste my breath repeating myself."

I barely manage to stay beside him as he launches in a flash of blue, but I do exactly what he said. I keep up with him, and I listen as he explains the mechanics of the bond as though my life depends on it. Ironically enough, he tells me it may very well come to that.

It's strange to here someone like Vegeta talk about the way mates feel each other's emotions, and even though he offers no explanation as to why Saiyajins are affected more strongly than humans, I can venture a guess. By nature, human beings are emotional creatures. We're born and bred cultivating our feelings and expressing them openly. Saiyajins, though born with emotions equally strong, maybe even stronger, than ours, are taught to suppress them. We encourage tenderness and compassion; they don't. I guess, because of that, we humans have desensitized ourselves. We have tons of thoughts and feelings rolling around in our heads, and I don't think anyone knows how to completely keep track of them all. Saiyajins are methodical in all things, including analyzing and cataloging their emotions.

I know I've hardly been able to keep up with the conglomeration of feelings I've been experiencing, but now a lot of things are falling into place. This sensation of my heart being crushed, this sorrow that's made me almost immobile, isn't all mine. The majority is, I'm sure, but there's a small bit, the part I haven't been able to hide or will away, because it's not mine to control.

But if that's true, then what's Goku been suffering through? If his awareness of the bond itself is stronger, does that mean he's been carrying the full burden of both his pain and mine?

If that's true, and I suspect now it is, I have yet another regret to add to my list. I won't let myself feel guilty this time though. If I do, if I condemn myself to wallow in shame and self-loathing, he'll suffer too, and I can't do that anymore. I want him to feel a sense of peace in knowing everything is going to be okay, even if it can't be that way right now. He needs to know how much I love him, how much I will always love him. That I'll move forward, and so will Gohan; that I'll risk death itself to keep the tiny thread of his soul intertwined with my own.

That I love him enough to let him leave. Because I know, once things have settled and all the broken hearts-his and mine, Gohan's, even Chichi's-have healed, he'll come back to me.

I don't know exactly how this bond works, but if you can hear me, Goku, I want you to remember that while you're gone. Remember that I love you, and that in the end, we'll all be okay, even if it hurts like hell right now. That's what I want you to know before you leave.

I feel the jolt, a mixture of indecision and longing, in the pit of my stomach a split second before Vegeta stops in mid-flight as Goku materializes below us, just on the edge of Vegeta's lawn.

There's no doubt he heard me now. As I touch down in front of him, the question is clearly written in his features. My throat's too tight to speak, so I nod. Yes, I'm sure. Yes, this is what I really want. Yes, I will wait for you, and yes, I will fight with my last breath to hold on to what we have right now.

Just don't wait too long to come back to me. I'm not like you. I won't be young forever.

The corner of his mouth rises just a fraction, and only for a moment. Then his eyes flicker to the side, as though he feels something behind him. When he looks back, it's to Vegeta, who huffs.

"I will take care of your nosy half-breed son, since the woman seems unable to handle him properly," he growls to Goku before taking to the air once again.

Several moments pass before Goku mutters, "Gohan doesn't have any way to understand this."

"I know," I admit. "The last thing I want to do is hurt him even more."

"Neither do I, but it looks like this bond we've got is making things a lot harder than they should be," he replies, rubbing the back of his neck. "Actually, I think it's partially my fault you're even here right now."

Yeah, I know I'm not the only one who likes to blame myself. "I'm here because I wanted-I needed-to be here."

Goku smiles guiltily. "Yeah, but I wanted you to come too. I almost went ahead and launched because I knew you'd end up feeling it." He must sense my confusion, because he looks away. "If we don't break it, you won't have any choice but to wait. It's just the way the thing works, I guess. So if you change your mind, or you and Gohan work things out-"

"Gohan isn't any happier with me than I am with him," I cut in, though I can't keep the sadness out of my voice. "I care about Gohan, but we were never meant to be husband and wife. The reason he's hurt right now is because of what's happened. He doesn't understand right now, but when he meets the woman he'll be able to share his soul with in the future, he will. If I didn't believe that, I couldn't be here with you right now."

His expression is proof Goku feels the same way, even though the idea of Gohan in pain is killing him inside. Even I can feel it, the sudden upsurge of helplessness. I can only imagine what it must be like for him to endure this kind of misery. I'm so sorry, Goku...

"Don't be. You can't help it any more than I can. Believe me, I've tried. The worst part is I don't even think I could've broken this thing between us now."

Maybe not, especially considering what Vegeta told me. I would have to be pretty much oblivious to it, which I'm not, even if I can't control it. And Goku would have to mentally tear us away from each other, and Vegeta said it could have driven him insane. At the very least, his mind would have definitely been altered to some degree. But he'd been willing to take the risk, for both our families.

"Yeah, but it's gotten stronger, especially over the past couple days," Goku adds as though all these things going through my mind have been spoken out loud. "Vegeta said stress, extreme feelings and situations...stuff like that affects it."

"It makes us more dependent on each other."

He confirms my suspicion with a negligible nod. "Looks that way." Then he sighs. "It also looks like we've run out of time. The group's headed this way. I should head back too - "

"Was Pan okay? Did you talk to her?"

"Yeah, she's okay. She was pretty worked up at first, but me and Gohan calmed her down." He glances at the ground, then back to me. "I told her I'd come back as soon as I could, but it'd be a while." He swallows. "A couple years, maybe more."

I nod, ignoring the tingle of welling tears. I already knew in my head it would be at least that long, and that's a pretty conservative estimate. We both understand the reality. There's a lot that has to be worked out. I wish more than anything he could stay with me, but it's just too soon. It doesn't make saying goodbye any easier though.

What if something happens to him out in space? What if the ship malfunctions? What if someone attacks him? What if someone attacks us while he's gone? Not that we don't have plenty of guys to hold the fort, but still, most of them depend on Goku's presence, even if he isn't the one fighting.

Yeah, I know it's stupid to worry about him. There hasn't been a situation yet he hasn't been able to handle. And of course, if some tried to hurt any of us, he'd be here in the blink of an eye. So there's no doubt he'll come back, one way or another. He has to.

This isn't the end.

"Videl? You're really gonna wait for me? You're okay with that?"

It's a pointless question when you think about it. He can read my mind effortlessly now. He knows the answers as well as I do. But I have to remember his heart's as human as mine, and sometimes people need more than a feeling. They need to hear it, to draw it into their memories and hold onto it.

"It won't be easy," I admit, and I try to hide how choked up I sound already, "but I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as it takes." Damn, I didn't want to start crying yet, but I can't seem to stop it now that it's started. "Just be careful, because I'm counting on you to come home, okay?"

He opens his mouth, then clamps it shut. I really wish I could hear his thoughts as clearly as he hears mine right about now. I see the group-Gohan, Bulma, and Chichi in the lead; Krillin, Yamcha, Trunks, and Goten follow in the middle; Vegeta and Piccolo bring up the rear-making its way toward us. So that's why Goku looks so conflicted.

I know, there were a lot of things I wanted to tell you before you left, but like you said, our time's run out. For now anyway. Well, I was hoping you'd hold me one more time too, but I'll wait. I don't have much choice now, do I?

Goku doesn't even look like he hears anyone speaking to him, even though just about everyone's asking him what we're doing out here and whether or not he's ready to head out, or if he's changed his mind. Of course, in all fairness, I'm ignoring Gohan's hissed demand as to my presence too. For this one last moment, all I want to focus on is Goku. To memorize the handsome features of his face, the genuine love and tenderness in his ebony eyes, the strength I want wrapped around me so badly my body aches. After all, I have no idea when my next chance will be. It's bad enough knowing our final minutes together in who-knows-how-many-years has to be shared like this, with two feet between us and no affection shared just to make sure no one else suspects anything.

His eyes narrow thoughtfully. "It's kinda pointless to pretend now though, don't you think?" he asks, and I notice everyone's gone silent. Except Chichi, though that's not surprising. She just wants to know what's going on and what he did to make me start crying. "I mean," he says, still acting as though he and I are the only two around, "they're gonna find out anyway, right? I guess they may as well start getting used to the idea now."

And the rush of emotion I feel is like a blast. He really doesn't know if he should do this or not. Probably not. Almost surely not. This will blow the lid off the whole thing. Neither of us will be able to go back.

But he can't leave me like this. He can't stop himself, and I don't want him to.

I barely register anything outside of his softly muttered apology; I'm not sure if it's meant for me, Gohan, Chichi, or a combination. I don't care either. I fell the sudden burst of warmth as he kisses me, a heat which fills me inside and out. His lips, his heart, his tongue, his soul, his arms, his spirit, his body, his energy. It's the acceptance of who we really are and an embrace of what we share. We didn't expect this to happen, would never have dreamed it was even possible. Yet here we are.

"I love you, Videl."

It's faint, the barest whisper flitting against my consciousness, but I hear it nonetheless just as he pulls away. It's a good thing Bulma moved closer to me at some point, because I feel like every ounce of strength is being drawn out of my limbs as Goku draws further back. I also hear a soft thud, and manage to see enough through the flow of tears that Chichi's passed out. Yeah, I guess it would be a shock to suddenly see your husband kiss your daughter-in-law. She must be okay though, or someone would at least pick her up.

Everyone else, even Gohan, look too stunned to do anything at all. Except Vegeta and Bulma, though I guess that's not surprising either.

"Well guys, I'm off," Goku declares. Then he looks at me one more time. "Vegeta, you take care of her for me while I'm gone, okay? I'm counting on you."

Vegeta snorts. "Even though the Saiyajin in question is a third-class fool, she still shares a bond with a Saiyajin warrior. I assure you, your mate will be fine."

Goku seems satisfied with that, and he gives me one last nod, a silent farewell, before offering everyone else a salute. "Alrighty then, take care of yourselves, guys." A shadow of a smile. "I'll see you all in a few years."

It's only now that he's walking away and gets into the spaceship that people start to stir around me. I know they all have a million questions, and I'm more ready to answer them now than I was a few minutes ago. Right now though, I want to stay here and watch him take off. I'll keep my eyes on that ship until the fires fade and the round vessel becomes little more than a speck in the sky. And I'll keep watching, even after I can't see it any longer.

So I'll remember he's up there for me, for both of us. So I'll recognize it, no matter how far off in the future it may be, the moment his journey in space ends, and ours will finally begin.

Until then, I'll miss him, I'll count every minute of every hour of every day, and I'll love him a little more with each one that goes by.

*** * *THE END* * ***


End file.
